Jesus is the bread...so take those rolls off the dinner table!

Sitting in a booth, sharing a bagel with my mom, I was faced with a new reality. We drank our coffee, shared a snack, and caught up with each other - this was nothing out of the ordinary. Since my junior year of high school, this was our routine. Even so, there was something different this time.

Here’s a little background information -

Two years ago (and around the time of this mother/daughter coffee date), as a recent college graduate, I lost about 20 pounds. Standing at only 5 feet tall with a curvy frame, 20 pounds made a huge difference in the way I looked and felt.

I was the girl crash dieting and forcing myself into the gym since early high school. I was the girl constantly tugging at her clothes and explaining my weight anytime I got the chance, just to make sure that I acknowledged my less-than-perfect body before anyone else did. So after months of cutting out all the wrong foods and fueling myself with all the right foods, my mom was curious as to why a bagel was my choice of snack that warm August afternoon.

I don’t think that my mom meant for her words to impact me very much or change my whole outlook – but I’m glad that they did. I truly believe that she had a genuine curiosity about the maintenance phase of my weight loss plan. But as she questioned, and I answered back with some vague excuse, her next words hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Have you ever considered that your battle with self-esteem, food, and your weight is more of a spiritual battle than anything else?” she asked.

Quietly, I muttered, no. Over the next few weeks, I contemplated this question almost constantly. I obsessed on it because I felt so silly for never even considering that all of these years that I’ve struggled and been overly self-conscience, I never once thought to give this “issue” to the Lord.

Why I hadn’t I? When I began dating my husband, which was about a year before this, I prayed daily that God would allow us to connect mentally/intellectually (when we began dating), spiritually (as we grew together as a couple), emotionally (as things became more serious and we started talking about marriage), and physically (after we wed). Now, all four of these things are all extremely vital to building, maintaining, and enjoying our marriage. I think that at some point in my life I just concluded that these four things made up every aspect of our person. So why then, did I not apply these same principles, including the spiritual aspect, to my only real consistent and long-term strife?

Although the answer really doesn’t matter as much as the subsequent action, I realized over time that the answer really boils down to a deep rooted fear. I feared letting go of control.  But, as I just said, identifying the problem is really only the first step. The important thing is how to change the problem.

Therefore, in a day where young women are living in an over saturated, media-based culture that forces us to see its idea what beautiful looks like, I want to extend a white flag of surrender for those who are just tired of trying.

My advice to you is not to quit, but rather, loosen your grip a little bit; let go. Here are some ways that I’ve learned to balance my struggle in a healthier way.

•  Physically - The most obvious way to take action on a struggle with self-esteem, food, and weight is by taking a physical action. I’m not a medical professional, so I’ll just give you basic ideas that I’ve learned from experience. Eat foods that come from nature. The means a diet that contains higher protein and fiber and lower in carbohydrates, sugar, and processed foods. Exercise as much as possible, but make it fun. If you like running, add some fun music to your workout playlist. If you hate running, join a gym that offers classes like cycling, kickboxing, or step aerobics. Exercise with your friends or your significant other and challenge each other; a little competition is always exciting. I’ve even started wearing a pedometer to work, and I try to compete with myself each day to see if I can find ways to walk more just by showing up at work.

•  Mentally/Intellectually - For me, this is the easiest way to conquer my issue. I read a lot of health blogs, exercise blogs, and articles on health and wellness. Sometime I enjoy reading books on health and exercise, but many times books promote fad diets, and I try to steer clear of those. Find a few blogs that you like, and follow them regularly. The beneficial thing about a blog is that it’s a real person writing, so usually it offers encouragement as well as tips, advice, and ideas. I’m reading a book right now that was suggested to me by one of my friends/blog readers called Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. I recommend it to anyone who struggles with “eating your feelings” as I like to call it. Here’s one (of many) quote from it that truly stuck out to me: “But, if I allowed my brain to park in a place of dissatisfaction about any part of my body, it would give Satan just enough room to move in with his lie that strips me of motivation: ‘Your body is never going to look the way you want it to look, so why sacrifice so much? Your discipline is in vain.’” Honestly, I could probably quote the whole book, but that would make this post completely irrelevant – so go buy the book and read it for yourself!

•  Emotionally - Incorporating an emotional aspect to battling against my weight and food is almost as hard for me as incorporating a spiritual side. It’s really tough for me to be vulnerable enough with myself to face what I like to call, “The Why’s”. Why am I so drawn to eat things that I know in my head are not good for me? Why am I sitting on the couch talking on the phone or watching TV when I can be walking around the neighborhood talking on the phone or listening to music? Why do I crave unhealthy foods when I’m mad/upset/hurt/sad? Why do I buy things at the grocery store that I know will be tempting to me, even though I’ve been eating so good all week long? Honestly, this list could go on and on, and I’m sure that everyone’s list will be a variance of “The Why’s”. Many times it’s easy to find a surface level answer, but to dig beneath the surface gets messy. I for one don’t like to face the reason for why I turn to food for comfort, or why I remain sedentary when I get home from a sedentary job. It’s painful, and many times the conclusion that I come to is that my strength, will power, and efforts will never be enough for me to make real progress in this area of my life. Which leads to my next point...

•  Spiritually - If you look throughout the bible, there are subtle, but clear references to food in relation to sin. Eve ate the apple and the Israelites freaked out because they were running out of food, just to name a few. But, as a beautiful picture of restoration, the bible also uses images of food to encourage us. When Jesus is tempted in the desert, the adversary tempts him with food, yet Jesus says that no man can live by bread alone. In the gospel of John, Jesus declares, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst” (John 6:35). Jesus also meets the physical need of people when he feeds the 5,000 before he feeds them spiritually in Matthew 14. So, why then do we not cast our burden - our answers to “The Why’s” on our Lord and Savior? Do we think that our food issues or our weight issues are too petty for God? Do we think that we should be strong enough to accomplish our weight loss goal on our own? Or, do we deny that we even have a problem? Something that I’ve learned is that the moment I replace God with food, I’m not only sinning, but I have a problem that needs fixing by the Holy Spirit. When I’m offered a job, my husband and I celebrate by going out to eat. The last time that this happened, it took me almost a day to stop and praise God for providing a job for me. When I’m upset about something, I’ll justify a bowl of ice cream after dinner and a skipped day at the gym, but it might take me hours or even days to bring whatever I’m upset about before the Lord. Does any of this sound familiar? This issue of self-esteem, food, and weight is intricately connected with our relationship with God. Treat it that way and give it the validity in your prayers that its due.

As I look back on the last two years of my life, I almost start to laugh at how it looks. I’d love to tell you that I’m where I want to be and that the truth that my mom presented to me that day over coffee and a bagel has whipped me into shape and now I’m exactly where I want to be. But the reality of this truth that she spoke is that it’s a journey. It’s a spiritual journey, and I don’t pretend that I have all the answers. But I will admit that since that day, things have been different for me because God used my mom as a vessel to reveal something important to me and it finally clicked. My hope and my prayer is that, at the least, is that you’re encouraged by reading this. I’d love for this to be that epiphany moment and you’re literally staring at your computer right now with your hand on your forehead saying, “Man, why didn’t I see this before?!” If that’s the case, I’m thankful that God has used a simple girl like me, and I pray that he receives glory for it all.

That seems to about cover all I had to say today.
So then...
I've blogged to you...
Now you can blogbacktome.

Getting Things in Order

I started blogging consistently a little less than a year ago. My blogging journey started when I decided to participate in a week-long cleanse before I went wedding dress shopping. I blogged about the cleanse, my battle that I've always had with my weight vs. self-esteem, the changes that I've made in my diet and exercise over the years, and finally, my decision to bring a doctor into the mix.

Wedding dress shopping...post-cleanse.

After about 6 months of blogging about this topic (among others), I've had some difficulty writing this blog. I sit down to write, and I think about what's going on in my life. Things have settled down some for Jason and me as far as traveling and big life changes. I like writing about marriage and being a newlywed and the emotions/hurdles/joys that brings, but I don't want this to be a blog that is solely about that. When I think about my life, the constant struggle that I have is my weight and self-esteem. But yet, I haven't been able to bring myself to write about it since October. So, as of today, I'm going back to where this blog began and I'm going to give you an update.

As always, I don't write this just so people know what's going on with my life. I write this in hopes that someone who reads this might take comfort in identifying with me, find hope in the truth that we are all God's creation no matter our struggles, and maybe even take steps to identify the source of their frustration/worries/hardship.

Before I update you, if you haven't read about my journey to find answers, take a look at this blog post.

Right before Thanksgiving, I went back to my doctor to have some follow-up blood work done. After Thanksgiving, Jason accompanied me to the doctor to hear the results. When I was 16, I was diagnosed with insulin resistance and PCOS (to find out about what in the world that means, click here). After high school, I didn't really pursue any treatment for it, but I've always just aimed to eat a low carb/high protein diet and exercise. I knew that losing weight would be an uphill battle for me. In college, things were kind of up and down when it came to my weight and self-esteem (read more about my battle here). Then, post college, working a sedentary job, being on a budget, and falling victim to lots and lots of life changes has put me at the highest weight, most out of shape, and lowest self-esteem I've ever experienced.

My feelings x 100

Now, for the results. My doctor informed me that my insulin levels had spiked. They were definitely in the high range, but I'm not diabetic (yet). He said that my results were consistent with insulin resistance and PCOS. He put me on an appetite suppressant for 3-6 months, told me to follow the nutrition rules he gave me over the summer, and increase my exercise. After 6 months, he is planning on putting me on a medication that will help keep my insulin levels down.

Honestly, I was satisfied with those results. I'd been praying that I would get some sort of answer, but that nothing HORRIBLE would be wrong with me. This, was definitely a manageable result and all in all an answered prayer.

Month One: December went pretty well. Although we were crazy busy, I managed to lose about 5-6 pounds. I was down 8 pounds, but then Christmas happened. My doctor told me at my one month check-in that he was happy with how things were going. Me, being the crazy over-achiever that I am, didn't think I'd done enough though.

Month Two: January was weird. About a week into January, I went to another doctor who I've been seeing for about 5 years. She got onto me about my weight and challenged me to get back into running and aim for 150 minutes of medium-high intensity exercise a week. My month two check-in was yesterday, and my doctor wasn't super stoked about my results. I got about 1-2 pounds off, but we all know I can do a lot better. We talked about my goals and I clearly realized something: I've got to work harder.

Eating pretty healthy doesn't cut it right now. Exercising when I have time or when I feel like it is not enough. I've got to eat really good. I've got to get out and sweat. I can't make compromises or talk myself out of this thing. I can't settle. This is no longer just a physical desire to look better or be skinnier - this is a health issue and it's about time that I start acting like it.

Obviously, I have some ideas of what I'm going to do to work harder in mind. I completed day one of week two of the Couch to 5K running plan last night. Talk about humbling. I used to be able to run at least a mile and a half without having to walk...even if I hadn't run in a while. Now, after about a minute, everything hurts. But, I'm not going to let that stop me. I'm determined to accomplish this and not quit. I also want to do some sort of weight training 1-2 days a week in addition to my running plan. If you have ideas, let me know. I also am cutting back on my sugars. I usually just look at the carbs that I'm taking in, but I haven't ever paid enough attention to the amount of sugar that foods have. Time to start. My goal is to not eat any refined carb/sugar after lunch, and any carbs/sugars that I do eat need to be whole grain or natural (coming either from dairy or fruit).

Will someone people buy this in mural size for me?

Yesterday went well, but it's going to be an uphill battle. Fortunately, I have a great support system in Jason and I'm thankful for that. I'll keep my blog readers posted (haha, pun intended) on my progress along the way. Please be praying for discipline and grace for me through this.

Last, but certainly not least, I love hearing from people who read this. Whether it's encouragement, ideas, questions, or just a random comment, it really is all great. Community is so important and I want to know how I can be praying/encouraging you as well! 

I know this is long, so thanks for hanging in there and reading to the end :)

I've blogged to you...
Now you can blogbacktome

The War Inside

I'm just going to warn you right now, buckle up because I'm probably going to reach a new level of rambling today. I've had the topic that I'm writing about on my mind for quite some time, and I feel like I've meditated on it enough that I finally have the courage to write about it.

I decided a couple of weeks ago that I have a theme song, at least a song for right now. I've mentioned before that I'm am overly affected by music and that it can really can steer my emotions. While I was on the treadmill about two weeks ago, The War Inside by Switchfoot came on. If you've never heard the song, it's really a great workout song, so I'd recommend adding that one to your playlist. But something about it just lit a fire inside of me...of about two days.

Isn't that how we are though? Don't we set our mind to something and we build up our determination, just to watch it crumble when it gets tough or uncomfortable? Maybe it's just me, but I'm pretty bad at sticking to things that are super tough, even when deep down I know that I want to.

Last week, for some reason I had these words swimming around in my head...all...week...long: "I do want I don't want to do and I don't do what I do want to  do." These words derived from the words of Paul in the New Testament when he wrote about his sin.

"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am!" - Romans 7:14-24

Okay, so admittedly, I'm not the best at memorizing scripture word-for-word...but I had the gist of it rolling around in my brain for days.  

I keep setting my mind to things: eating good, sticking to Weight Watchers, working out on a daily basis, lowering my carb/sugar intake, not eating dessert, making healthy choices even when we're out, etc. I keep setting my mind to things and then at the drop of a hat, I just abandon them...even though I don't want to. I go for the ice cream, or I turn off my alarm in the morning, day after day after day. Obviously, I'm not saying that eating ice cream or sleeping until 7:00 rather than 6:00 is evil, like Paul is saying about his sin, I'm just saying that by my own strength, I cannot conquer any battle. 

As you've probably gathered by now from my blog, I really do hate putting bad things into my body. I really do hate going days at a time without working out. I really do want to be healthy and want to exercise. But than wretched sin that dwells within me goes against my better thoughts and desires and just takes over. 

I'd been really really hard on myself over the weekend. Jason was in a wedding so our dinners were provided to us at the wedding and rehearsal dinner, so it made it very difficult to stick to what I wanted to eat, which were healthy things (or at least healthier).

So there I was on Sunday afternoon, relaxing on the couch, and trying with everything inside of me to hold off on snacking and just wait until dinner. It was time to leave the apartment for church. Jason and I had been hanging out that afternoon, so we loaded into the car, and headed off. 

We made a few pit stops to turn in his tux from the wedding and also to peak into the new LOFT at the Summit (I'm a big fan by the way). While we were in LOFT, I tried on multiple items that didn't fit. I took the jeans that I really liked (but were one size to small) up to the register to see if they could get them from another store. The sales lady kindly told me that the size I had in my hands was the biggest size they carry in the store. Talk about humiliating. Talk about being really down on myself. Internally, I was a mess. 

Finally we arrived at church. I was so ready to just worship my Savior and Creator and just spend some concentrated time in corporate worship and study in His Word. Our executive pastor was the one preaching that day, and he told us to open our bibles to Romans 7. He explained that the text he would be preaching on that evening is very difficult to preach on, but absolutely necessary. The words he spoke could not have been more true. 

You see, he started out in Romans 7:14, which is where I had been kind of lingering all week long. But he did something that I had been failing to do...he kept reading. 

After Paul goes on and on about how dreadful this sin problem is, he says this:

"Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." - Romans 7:25-8:2

[Here's the part that's hard for me to admit]

During his sermon, the pastor then said something that truly cut me to the core and convicted me in a way that I haven't been convicted in quite a while. 

I'm so bad about comparing myself to other people. Maybe it's the way the look and I figure out if I'm bigger than them, smaller than them, or the same. Maybe it's looking at someone's lifestyle or choices and knowing that they're walking an outwardly sinful life and concluding that I'm probably better off because most sin that I have (and I do realize that we ALL sin) in usually more inward. I'm very quick to just brush off my lack of self-control or my readiness to give up at something as me just "accepting myself the way I am". And while I do think it's important to know and understand that God has created each of us and we are His workmanship, my tendencies are nothing less than sin. 

 Here's what he said (this isn't word-for-word, but it's the best I could remember when I was jotting it all down): "We may look down the road and say to ourselves, 'Well, at least I'm not a drug addict like my neighbor over there.' But if we are growing Christians, we should look at ourselves in the mirror and say, 'I'm worse, I'm a a believer and I'm a pride addict, or a stuff addict, or a food addict.'" 


May I recognize the sin in my life and call it what it is. May I do so, not to be self-deprecating, but the be a growing believer.


I know that most of you have probably had that Sunday when you're sitting in the congregation minding your own business and then the pastor decides to basically call you out (not literally, but you feel like it). I have had many occasion such as this, and Sunday evening was definitely one of those times. I wanted to stand up and just say, "I get it, God! Thank you! Thank you God for saving me even me!"

I am set free by the blood of Jesus Christ. It doesn't matter what I do or how hard I try, I can never accomplish or defeat a battle without Him. 

“The Christian life is a life of continual struggle, of victories and defeats, and Christian victory comes only when we totally distrust self, and rely on the provision of God. How frequently we throw works out the front door of justification, and invite them in the back door of sanctification.” - John Stott 

This weekend I was reminded that there is a "war inside". There's a battle for my soul. But I take refuge in the fact that I also have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of my soul. I am His, therefore there is no battle that will not be won.  

Directions, Losses, and Gains

What a week it has been. I apologize that I've been so extremely random in my blogging habits lately. Things have been busy!

So... a couple of updates:

• The wedding is now 74 days away!
• Every time I sit down at home, I think of about 5 things I should be doing.
• I have no idea what I'll talk to people (or Jason)about after September 22nd.
• Pre-marital counseling is awesome. 
• I haven't lost any weight on WW, even though I've stuck to the plan 100%.
• My dress is getting about seven inches of length cut off of it as we speak.
• I need to work out my arms.
• I have a lot of new recipes that I've been trying. 
• Jason turns 26 in two weeks. 
• My dad turns 50 tomorrow.
• I feel like I'm constantly doing laundry.
• I'm okay with the fact that I'm constantly doing laundry.
• I'm learning to be comfortable in my own skin.
• I think I know what I want to be when I grow up.
• I have no clue how to be what I want to be when I grow up.
• I'm reading three books at one time.
• I'm frustrated with WW.
• I'm thankful for WW.
• I hate carbs.

I think that about sums it all up. 

Here are my latest eats:

Chicken Skillet

Normal lunch for me

Saturday morning breakfast

Chicken roll ups with Tzatziki sauce.

Chicken Skillet (adapted from Betty Crocker recipe):
Yields 4 servings
Ingredients

• 1 tbsp vegetable oil
• 1 1/4 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1-inch pieces
• 1/2 diced red peppers 
• 1/2 chopped red onions
• 1 can reduced sodium black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 cup Old El Paso® Thick 'n Chunky salsa
• 1 Old El Paso® flour tortilla for burritos (8 inch) (from 11.5-ounce package), cut into 2x1-inch strips
• 4 oz. low-fat shredded Cheddar cheese 

Directions

1. In 10-inch skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat. Cook chicken in oil 3 to 4 minutes, stirring occasionally, until no longer pink in center.
2. Stir in vegetables, beans and salsa; reduce heat to medium. Cover and cook 6 to 8 minutes, stirring occasionally, until vegetables are crisp-tender.
3. Sprinkle with tortilla strips and cheese. Cover and cook about 2 minutes or until cheese is melted. 

Chicken Roll Ups (adapted from Dashing Dish recipe):
Ingredients:
for the chicken

• 1/2 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 1 tsp. Italian seasoning
• 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp. pepper
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 2 tbsp. lemon juice
• 1 tbsp. EVOO
• 2 tbsp. water

for the Tzatziki sauce 

• 1/2 c. 0% fat plain Greek yogurt
• 1/2 medium cucumber, grated and squeezed dry
• 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1 tsp. lemon juice  

for the pita toppings

• High fiber/low carb tortillas (or pita) 
• Reduced fat feta cheese, crumbled

Directions:

1. Place all of the ingredients for the chicken in the crock pot and cook on low for 6-8 hours.
2. To make the sauce, start by grating the cucumber over a small bowl. Blot the excess moisture with a paper towel until dry.
3. Add the yogurt, garlic, salt, and vinegar to the grated cucumber. Whisk until everything is well combined. Cover and refrigerate until serving (I put mine in a medium sized mason jar and kept the excess for other meals).
4. Place one sliced chicken breast onto each tortilla or pita bread. Top each with 1/4 cup yogurt mixture, feta, and onion if desired. Roll pita over chicken, and enjoy!

A look at my "Normal Lunch":

• 2 oz. of low fat or fat free turkey w/ something on top (1/2 avocado, honey mustard, etc.)
• 1 oz. of low fat cheese
• Sugar free jello cup
• Dannon Light & Fit yogurt (or Publix fat free yogurt)
• Something green
• Fruit 

A look at my "Saturday Breakfast":

I try to keep my breakfasts small, but it really is my favorite meal of the day. On Saturdays, I try to make it special by spending time actually cooking breakfast. This usually consists of a an egg and some fruit. On a weekday morning, I usually eat a boiled egg, 4 oz. of 2% cottage cheese, or a 0% Greek yogurt.

I hope you all feel slightly more caught up on the happenings of my food world (and I guess my world in general). I'll be expanding on some of those things I listed at the beginning throughout the week. But for today, I'm done rambling.

 

	P.S. Who is team 1 "f" Jef and who is team Arie? Ready...go!

Watch It! : A Where I'm Going Update

So, remember how I've always battled my weight and how I identified a couple of months ago that it's a mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual battle that I've had to deal with? Well, that's still extremely true.

When I was going into ninth grade, my mom joined Weight Watchers and lost a good bit of weight. Since she's the one who bought the groceries and made dinner each night, I learned a lot about the program and I lost some weight as well. Since then, I've tried Weight Watchers a couple of times, but I always have a terrible attitude toward it for some reason.

I think that I've identified that Weight Watchers is a strict program that actually works if you do it right, which is true. I think that in the past I've always blamed the program for my weight gain/battle rather than myself and my lack of self-control.

Over the last couple of years, a couple of people in my life (including my dad) have done WW and had some pretty significant success from it. Over the last few years, I've attributed the fact that WW doesn't take sugars/carbs into consideration as my reason for not getting back on the program.

Obviously, things have evolved from 2004 and now WW does take sugars/carbs into consideration. Even though I knew this, I've still used the same excuse for the last year or so.

Last Thursday while we were at camp, we were going around telling everyone (who asked) that our wedding is "three months from tomorrow [Friday]". Then at lunch, someone who I've worked with there told me that a whole group of girls that work for the organization are doing WW together and if I ever wanted to do it and needed a support group, I could join them.

I don't know what really was the exact straw that broke the camel's back, but something did. I could just feel the door opening for me and God pushing me through it. I could feel Him telling me that this is a weapon I can use in this spiritual battle that I have been fighting for the last 15 years. And it just so happens that the sign up fee for a three month WW online subscription was waved through the weekend.

I asked Jason for this thoughts, and he obviously said he thought it was a good idea if it's something I feel like I need to do (he's the best). So, starting this past Sunday, I'm a Weight Watchers online member :)

I have to admit that it's been a tough couple of days, especially while we were traveling home 8.5 hours. Anytime I start something like this its hard, and it even becomes emotional for me because this is a mental/emotional/physical/spiritual thing. Over the past couple of days, I've doubted, I've wanted to eat my feelings (and I did until I finally stopped myself), and I've been ashamed.

I was ashamed that I'm not happy with myself three months before my wedding. As each month goes by, I want to feel more like I'm closer to looking/feeling the way I would like to look/feel on September 22nd, but so far I haven't. I'm ashamed that I'm having to start something new so close to that day; so ashamed that I almost didn't write this post today.

But I realize that I need prayer and support. This blog has served as an avenue for me to receive just that. It's also served as accountability for me over the last few months, and I'm definitely a stronger person because of all of you reading this thing.

So, as I embark on this little adventure over the next three months, I am hoping that you'll keep me in your thoughts and prayers. If you find good WW recipes, send them my way! And if you've had a WW success story (or know one), send that my way as well!

Scatterbrained

Good morning friends! I just want to warn you that I'm probably going to be a little bit all over the place today. I have a couple of things I'd like to say, but none of them really have a direct focus.

So, here we go...

Eating Better

Remember a few weeks ago when I went to the doctor, got blood work done, and he put me on a diet? Well, I told you that I'd share that plan with you. I think it is time.

Here are the basics:

This is the breakout of what I am allowed to eat each day.

According to the plan that the doctor gave me, I try to disperse between my calories, carbs, fats, and proteins like this -

Breakfast

• Lots of protein (eggs of some sort, which also has some fat in it)
• Little bit of carbs (fruit, yogurt, or skim milk)

For example, this is a pretty normal breakfast for me: 1-2 boiled eggs, a glass of skim milk, and coffee with a little bit of creamer and some Stevia.Usually if I eat two boiled eggs, I forgo the milk, but I was hungry this morning.

Lunch

• Lots of protein (usually from 99% fat free turkey of some sort)
• Little bit of carbs (fruit, yogurt, cheese)
• Green vegetable (salad, green beans, celery, etc.)

Here's another example - this is my lunch for today:

Dinner

• Lots of protein (lean chicken, lower fat ground turkey, grilled fish, or a very extra lean red meat)
• Lots of veggies
• Just a few carbs (sauces, cheese, MAYBE a piece of whole wheat bread, MAYBE a tiny bit of whole wheat pasta, fruit)
• Fats (just in random foods that I'm already eating)

Here's an example of a good dinner from a couple of weeks ago (dinners have been hard for me lately):

Usually, I eat a snack either in the morning or the afternoon. It's usually another Dannon Light & Fit yogurt, or sometimes a 0% Greek Yogurt with a dash of cinnamon.

Out to Eat

Jason and I have been SUPER busy lately. Lots of traveling, lots of friends/family in town. We have been eating out a whole lot, and I honestly don't know when that will change. I've had to really discipline myself in what I order though. Jason's tendency is to find something he likes on a menu and sticks with it. My nature is to try everything on a menu at least once. I've got to hand it to him, in this scenario, he's right. It's better to stick with items that you know will be healthier choices rather than jump around and try new things just for the sake of eating something new.

Remember that if you're going out to eat, you don't have to get off  your healthy lifestyle plan. Lean steaks are good to order with a veggie on the side. Fish is a great "night out" option as well. Say no to the rolls that are brought to the table, and always opt for a vinaigrette dressing on the side and steamed/grilled veggies as your side dish.

Here's my go-to meals for "out to eat" meals:

Japanese: Forgo the rice and add double veggies
Mexican: Fajita, no tortillas
Thai: Salad; chicken with brown rice (only eat half of the rice serving)
Italian: Salad?
BBQ: Salad or veggie sampler; sandwich with sauce and bun on the side
American chain restaurant (like Chili's): Fajita, fish, grilled chicken (look for their lower calorie options, usually they're marked)
Greek: Chicken with salad (dressing on side) and veggies

Fajita from Moe's Southwest Grill

Rock the Block 

Yesterday was day #2 of Rock the Block. Jason and I were in charge of games and we had a blast. Jason was Simon and kept a pretty consistent game of Simon says going on throughout all of the games (I'm not really sure how he did that, but it happened).

We played one game called "Mummy" and I got completely wrapped in toilet paper. I got a little bit claustrophobic, but it was for the greater good, so I toughed it out.

Tonight, Jason and I are in charge of the lesson. We are teaching on Romans 3:11 and John 1:29. We would seriously appreciate all of your prayers. We hope that the kid's (and hopefully parents) lives are changed through this week of Rock the Block.

4 Day Meals

As I said yesterday, Sunday Jason and I went grocery shopping. I bought enough food for dinner for four days. Since we have Rock the Block this week, I decided that we needed some easy-to-reheat meals for Sunday-Wednesday. So far, it's worked out well.

For Sunday/Tuesday I made BBQ Chicken Biscuits and Chicken Poppy Seed Casserole was (is) on the menu for Monday/Wednesday.


Chicken Poppy Seed Casserole:
Ingredients:

• 5 cups chicken breasts, cooked and cubed
• 1 cup fat-free sour cream
• 2 cans condensed cream of chicken soup (98% fat free)
• 2 cups crushed Reduced-fat Ritz crackers (about 1 1/2 rolls of crackers)
• 1/2 cup melted butter
• 1 T poppy seeds

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Saute raw chicken breasts with salt and pepper until done. Let chicken cool slightly and place cubed chicken in a 9X13 casserole dish.
3. Stir together the condensed soup and sour cream. Pour over the chicken.
4. In a separate bowl, stir together the crushed crackers, poppy seeds and melted butter. Sprinkle over the chicken and sauce.
5. Bake for 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until the top of the casserole is browned and the sauce is bubbly. Serve plain or over rice

Camp of Champions

Tomorrow Jason and I are headed to Shocco Springs for the Alabama Baptist Children's Homes Camp of Champions. Jason will be shooting a video and I'll be helping out with some general activities as well as shooting so photos.

We are so excited about getting to do this together. Our dream is to someday built a client base to where we can do this type of thing full-time to make a living. We love the ministry that the Children's Homes has and we love being a part of orphan care to advance the Kingdom.


Weekend Wedding

On Friday, Jason and I will head to North Carolina. Jason will be a groomsmen in a friend's wedding. We are so excited to celebrate this special day with our friends Cameron and Sarah, and we are praying for them as they begin their marriage. We are also very excited to have a little mini-vacay this weekend to a place that we've never been together! I'm hoping that Jason will love it so much that we can go back next year (fingers crossed).

That being said, this could be my last rambling for the week. I'm sure that I'll have access to internet, but I'm going to just enjoy myself and I'll post about all of our upcoming weekend activities next week. I'm so excited for these FUN TIMES!

"no one understands; no one seeks for God." - Romans 3:11

"The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, 'Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!'" - John 1:29

Moving & Moving Forward

Wow -

As I began this Monday I now have a sister who is a high school graduate. Jason and I enjoyed Carlee's graduation weekend in Destin/Fort Walton.

Friday consisted of good food, lots of family, and that memorable moment when they said, "Carlee Anna Sansom" and she walked across the stage. After graduation, my parents and Carlee's boyfriend's parents had put together a wonderful party for them just down the road.

Carlee and Tyler (her boyfriend) were "Preschool Sweethearts" (as we like to say).

They're old pros at this whole graduating thang :)

My wittle swister is moving forward.

By the end of this week, Jason and I will hopefully

• Have Jason moved in to his summer residence 
• Have a lot of Jason's stuff moved into my apartment for storage
• Have a working and functional washing machine (finally!)
• Have tons more wedding planning done
• Have our engagement pictures taken (finally!)
• Have done tons of random things in between all of these huge things and both worked a 40 hour week!

Jason and I are moving forward - and Jason's a-movin'! 

In the midst of all of this, I MUST get back to eating right. Last week I got my blood work results and everything was fine except my cholesterol was a tad bit high and my insulin levels were high. Praise God that there is nothing more serious. I know that I MUST focus on eating according to the plan that the doctor gave me (I'll share that later this week) and exercise regularly. I also know from experience that during a time of lots of celebrations and transitions, it's very very hard to stay focused on a healthy lifestyle. I am praying for focus and discipline during this time.

I am wanting to cook dinner at home a couple of nights this week, so stay tuned for recipes. If all goes as planned, I may have some good ones up my sleeve :)

Now that you all feel sufficiently caught up on my life, I'll quit rambling. Happy Monday everyone!

Prayer Focus of the Day: Today I am praying for focus and discipline. Titus 1:7-9 says, "For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it." I am praying myself and for each of you friends and readers that these characteristics would define our inward and outward lives. 

At A Stand Still

Do you ever have moments when you feel like life is moving so fast that you wish you could just stand still for five minutes?

That's me this week.

Jason and I got home last night around 9:30 and I walked into an apartment that was screaming transition. My roommate had been moving all of her stuff out over the weekend, we have a couple of Jason's things stored in the dining area, and our fridge was completely empty.

By next Friday (June 8th), Jason will be living in his summer residence, I'll have my 3rd roommate while living at this apartment, one of my sisters will be a high school graduate, and I'll be a couple weeks closer to the wedding.

I was planning on doing some sort of "where do I go from here" update. If you've been reading for a while, you'll know that I did a cleanse about a month ago and I've been trying to live a healthier lifestyle ever since. Unfortunately, I've decided to put that off until next week. This week will be filled with lots of eating out and less working out. Transition makes it hard to be healthy, but I'm trying to do my best.

Needless to say, look for the update next week.

Jason and I will be heading back down to Destin this weekend for my sister's graduation. I can't wait to see her walk across the stage!

In the meantime, be praying for this time of transition. I know that I'm not the only one who feels like it'd be nice to stand still for just a few minutes. So as we begin this week (a little late), I hope that any of you in the middle of transition will be encouraged knowing that you're not the only one.

Loose Ends

Whenever I finish something that I've started, I always feel really good about myself. I feel accomplished. I feel productive.

On the flip-side of that, whenever I have things that are left undone, I feel like a have this thing hanging over me and staring me in the face. I have to finish it. I have to be done. I can't stand loose ends.

Well, last night I finally finished the book Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. As I laid in bed trying to go to sleep, I felt accomplished and productive. I felt like I'd done something good and deserved a pat on the back, even if it was just from myself. Then I rolled over and looked at my bookshelves full of books that I've started and never finished, or purchased and never looked at after my credit card was swiped. Now I know what I'll be doing this summer!

Source

I definitely recommend Linda's book to - well anyone. It is scripture based and it thoroughly covers so many of the insecurities and questions that we, as women tend to face almost daily. There is also a 12-week study guide in the back and I'm praying through whether or not I should put together some sort of book study to cover this material. It was so full of truth and overall, it was encouraging. So many times I find myself reading books like that and either realizing that they're not rooted in the Word or concluding that I feel more discouraged after I've finished reading.

Now onto a section of this post that I'd like to title: Please Pray for Jessica

Yesterday was a big day for me. It was an ordinary day, but it carried a lot of underlying things that are pretty big and tied up a lot of loose ends.

First, yesterday marked four months until Jason and I get married. When I looked at the clock and saw that it was 3:00 p.m. (which is the time that our ceremony will start), I wanted to get up and dance. Lucky for everyone in my wing at work, I did not.

Second, Jason and I (well, mostly I) were able to get everything prepared with our new washer and dryer. Since we bought them used, they needed to be cleaned up and we're actually selling the pedestals that they came with (if you're in the market for front loading washer and dryer pedestals, hit me up). I spent some time last night with Clorox in hand spraying down every inch of those suckers. They are now Jessica-sized (thanks to Jason and his mad un-bolting skills) and they are clean! Loose end tied.

As you can tell, I'm excited about hooking these puppies up. It's the first big purchase that Jason and I have made together, so I think it's fair that I'm this excited, right?

Next, I went to a general practitioner for the first time since I last saw my pediatrician (so roughly 5 years). Jason got his name from a friend of ours (thanks Lacey) and he went to see him last summer when he was struggling with his milk allergy. The doctor was wonderful and spent lots of time with Jason walking him through what steps they'd need to take for him to get better in time for the Fall tour. I read a lot of reviews about him online, and every single review said the same thing - he spends as much time as you  need in the room with you and he doesn't rush through the exam. I figured that establishing a family doctor in Birmingham was somewhat of another loose end that needed to be taken care of.

Well, he definitely lived up to his reputation. I really just wanted to get established with a doctor here, but I also haven't talked to a doctor about my insulin resistance since I was 17 or 18-years-old. A lot has changed since then in my life, my surroundings, and in my body.

He talked to me for a while and then he said that they were going to do some blood work. He asked me some questions about things that are symptoms of diabetes. I'd told him that I was getting married in September and he told me that it's really good that I came in because many of the things I had questions about, if left untreated, could lead to infertility down the road. Obviously, Jason and I are planning on adopting at least once in our lives, so infertility doesn't scare me as much as some, but I still don't want to have to deal with it. I'd like to be able to have biological kids too.

Then came the biggie - he put me on a diet plan. I wasn't offended or worried like I probably would have been a couple of yeas ago. I wanted him to do that. I wanted to know if I'm doing the right things, if I'm doing things wrong, and if I'm doing things that will be effective in creating a healthier lifestyle for myself.

As it turns out, I'm definitively on the right path. He told me to be exercising consistently and to aim to eat about 1,200 calories a day. He said that due to the insulin resistance, he's going to put me on a low carb/low fat diet. I'm allowed 120 grams of carbohydrates per day and about 32 grams of fat per day.

I plugged all of this new information into the myfitnesspal.com app that I have on my iPhone and went to get my blood work done.

Here's where I'm asking for prayer: my blood work.

I've had blood work done tons of times, but this is really the first time I've been worried about it. I'm 23-years-old and so far I haven't been able to lose weight eating a normal healthy diet and exercising pretty consistently. I have a history of diabetes in my family and I am at a higher risk for it because of the insulin resistance. I'm praying that my blood work has answers but that the results don't contain something wrong with me (aka diabetes). Please pray for self-control and determination with eating according to the doctor's rules as well as consistency in my exercising routine. Overall, pray that I would not forget for a second that God is in control regardless of my circumstances and this is a battle that he's already won.

Thank you all so much in advance for your prayers. Stay tuned for more about the diet plan and the results of my  blood work.

Let me quit rambling so that we can all turn to our Savior in prayer today.

Chicken Biscuits: Not just a Chick-fil-A Thang

Most of you know how delicious a chicken biscuit from Chick-fil-A can be. They're especially good on a cold morning when you're headed to work (or school) and you just need a little pick-me-up to start out your day right.

Source

Well, I love those little things too. But unfortunately that's not what this post is about...

In the Sansom household, we have our own form of chicken biscuits. My mom has been making them for years and when Jason and I started dating, this was one of the first meals I made for him. They've now kind of become a staple in the soon-to-be Morales household.

So, without further a due, here is the easy-as-pie recipe -


Chicken Biscuits - Sansom Style:
Ingredients

• 1 lb. boneless skinless chicken breasts, diced
• 1/2 c. BBQ sauce (I use Sonny's Mild & Sweet because it's Jason's fav)
• 1-2 cans of Pillsbury biscuits
• Nonstick cooking spray
• 1/2 c. shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. 
2. Dice and sautéchicken in a skillet. 
3. While the chicken is sautéing, open the can(s) of biscuits and spray a regular sized muffin pan.
4. Smash the biscuits until they're pretty flat and lay them in the muffin pan. They shouldn't fill the whole thing, but they should cover the bottom and come up about halfway around the sides. 
5. Mix in BBQ sauce with sautéed chicken.
6. Scoop about 4-5 pieces of chicken into the middle of each biscuit in the muffin pan. 
7. Put in the oven for about 7-8 minutes. 
8. Pull out of the oven and sprinkle cheese on top. Cook for another 1-3 minutes or until cheese is melted.

Jason's dinner served with a spinach salad and extra BBQ sauce on the side.

The result is delicious! It's cheap, it's easy, and it's super yummy. Jason likes his with extra extra BBQ sauce.

And would ya look who is using the Alabama game cup...
...could it be Mr. Jason Morales?

This was Jason's Facebook profile picture in 2008.

Has he crossed over? Let's hope so.

I'm sure you'll all be glad that the rambling has been left to a minimum today.

Happy Tuesday, friends!


Prayer Focus of the Day: Matthew 20:1-16 talks about the last being first. How are you serving the Kingdom of God right now? Let us pray together today that we may serve the Kingdom well while we are in our temporary home.

...and Roll Tide....