Something to think about + Best salad EVER

Okay, so I'm a pretty neutral fan of salads. There have been very few times in my life when I've actually WANTED a salad and my craving is usually preceded by a lot of fast food meals. But last week I saw a picture of a salad on Pinterest that I just HAD to try.

In classic Jessica style (yes, I just did the third person thing, I'm sorry, I hate that), I started reading the directions about halfway into the cooking process, but it still turned out great. That being said, I have the "adapted" recipe for you today.

Curry Quinoa Salad with Chicken

(recipe adapted from here)
Yields: 3-4
Ingredients:

• 1 tsp. olive oil
• 2 tsp. curry powder
• 1 garlic clove, crushed
• 1/4 c. uncooked quinoa
• 1 c. water
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 diced peeled ripe mango 
• I can't cut a mango to save my life so I used 2 of the little cups of fruit and just drained out all of the liquid first
• 1 lb. chicken 
• I used Tyson's frozen grilled chicken strips and put them in the crockpot for 4 hours with a little bit of curry powder. About half the bag was the perfect amount
• 2-4 c. baby spinach (or whatever lettuce you want to use)

Directions:

1. Heat oil in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Add curry powder and garlic to pan; cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add quinoa and 1 cup water; bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 16 minutes or until tender. Remove from heat; stir in salt. Cool completely. While doing this, pull chicken out of the oven or crockpot and let it cool as well.
2. Add mango and chicken to cooled quinoa; toss gently.
3. Combine cucumber, mint, and yogurt in a small bowl; stir well. Divide spinach evenly among plates, and top each serving with about 3/4 cup quinoa mixture. I added a little bit of feta cheese and paired with a light raspberry vinaigrette.

Now, for a little something to think about...

I heard a sermon recently (we listened to a lot of sermon podcasts while we were traveling so I don't remember which one this was), and the pastor was talking about the church in Corinth and why Paul was writing to them (you know, I think this may have been a Brook Hills sermon).

One of the main reasons why Paul wrote to the church in Corinth was because Corinthian culture was invading the church rather than the church invading Corinthian culture. This sermon called us as the church in the United States to examine this: Are we, the church in America, invading American culture, or is American culture overcoming out lives and the church itself?

Over the last few days, I've been really thinking a lot about that and how it applies to my life.

In what ways does my life look like American culture?

When people see me, do they see the light of Christ or do they see the world?

If a stranger met me and talked to me for 15 minutes, would they know that I'm a believer? 

In the [many] areas of my life that look just like regular American culture, what can I do to change that?

I know this is kind of a weighty topic, but I think it's necessary. This is in no way a political standpoint, but rather a biblical one.

Let us, as God's church, examine our hearts and our lives. Let's pray for one another that we can come together as God's church in the United States and invade the culture that we're surrounded by, and in many ways immersed in.

Sermon podcast here (yay I found it).

What kind of filter are you using?

I keep being drawn back to this idea of filtering. In fact, last night Jason and I even had to go buy a new water filter for our fridge (ours was a casualty of last week's fridge fiasco). Many times, God uses repetition to get our attention. So, when I kept hearing the same phrase used over and over again, I knew that I needed to apply it to my life out of obedience.

When I was reading Made to Crave this excerpt from chapter 14 really stuck out to me:

"What about you? Do you have something from your past that causes emotional emptiness? As a first step toward healing, can you think of one thing good from this past situation? Or maybe something good that has happened despite the pain from the event? If not, ask God to give you some good place to park your mind with this draining issue from your past. Then, try walking through the following exercise based on Philippians 4:8.
Whatever is true...
Whatever is noble...
Whatever is right...
Whatever is pure...
Whatever is lovely...
Whatever is admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy...
Piece by piece, God has created a mosaic in my heart—one of restoration, healing, and compassion. I am the person I am today in part because of the hurt of being left behind by my dad. I wouldn’t have chosen that piece of my mosaic, but how good of God to place right beside the hurt a clear piece of glass shaped like those warm icicles from so long ago. A memory I can think on. A memory that fills me better than any piece of chocolate cake or nacho chips. A memory that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. And filling."

Source

So, I finished that book and about a week later I attended the women's workshop at church. When talking about renewing our minds, this is what I learned:

Step 1: Remember the ABC...
Actuating Event - things that we cannot control; triggers that cause tough emotions to flair up; "pop ups" like from AOL in 1999
Beliefs/Thoughts about the Event - we recognize more of the emotions rather than the actual belief
Consequences of Those Beliefs - emotions; physical actions; what stems from these thoughts?
Disputing False Beliefs with the truth - know the truth; know God's Word; identify the truth based on God's Word
Effect New Consequences - emotions that are manifested out of the knowledge of the truth from God's Word

Step 2: Identify...
What are my emotions? Are they true?

Step 3: Filter...
Philippians 4:8 test - Is it [my emotions or my feelings that are troubling] true? Is it honorable? Is it just? Is it pure? Is it lovely? Is it commendable? Is it excellent? Is it worthy of praise?

Step 4: Replace...
If the answer to the above question is "no", then take off the "old self" and put on "new self" (Colossians 3:9-10). Be ready with weapons to replace your "old self" (aka God's Word).

Step 5: Accountability...
We cannot renew our minds by yourself. Surround yourself with people who are encouragers, not discouragers. Surround yourself with people who will speak truth into your life.

As I mentioned in my Mad Men post from yesterday, about 24 hours after this workshop, I was sitting on my couch watching TV Sunday night when I started to feel sick to my stomach. I thought about the "Philippians 4:8 Filter". I knew the verse, but I'd never heard it called that before. Then, in two weeks, it was being brought to my attention over and over. So, I took the hint and went through it.

Is this show true? No. It's not real life. Real life probably never has to will look like this.
Is this show honorable? No. As how that allows infidelity to be okay is not honorable to my husband. It's polluting my mind.
Is it just? No. He never gets caught. Or his wife is just okay with it. That's stupid. Both of them are stupid.
Is it pure? No way. This isn't hard. Adultery in any form is not pure - EVER.
Is it lovely? No, it's making me sick just watching it.
Is it commendable? No. No explanation needed.
Is it excellent? No. See above.
Is it worthy of praise? No. Not by me. Maybe some crazy gross men would think so, but according to God's Word, the only thing that I should praise are things that are given by God. Adultery is the opposite.

Thus yesterday's blog post was written.

So, that all seems kind of obvious, right? Like, it's not hard to figure out that if your mind is being effected by something that is externally being put into it, like a TV show, then turn the TV show off. But, what about things that are internally polluting our mind? How are we supposed to renew our minds and filter through the good and the bad in those circumstances?

The same way.

For example, I really want a house. Jason and I live in an apartment now, and it's a great apartment but I just really am tired of living there and I want a house. But, we've only been married for seven months, we're both just beginning our careers, and houses are a huge and an expensive investment.

So, how to I filter through my obsession of driving through neighborhoods almost on a daily basis and getting the "gimme wants"?

Yeah, I have 146 pins for what I want in a home.
It's not something I'm proud of.
Look at this board here.

Is this show true? Yes, eventually Jason and I will buy a house...Lord willing.
Is this show honorable? Yes. We want to buy a house big enough for the family we dream of having someday.
Is it just? Yes. Maybe not right now - it's not justifiable - because we still have time left on our lease and we're in the middle of saving for a down payment.
Is it pure? Yes and no. Yes, I want a house because I want to fill both extra bedrooms with a child someday. No, right now we don't NEED it and I really would like to have a house because that's what I want. I want more space. I was to show it off. I want others to come over and say, "Oh you have such a beautiful house!"
Is it lovely? Yes. After I finish decorating. Just kidding. But yes, buying a home with my husband with the money that God has blessed us with is a lovely thing...in His timing.
Is it commendable? Yes. It's a huge step forward. It's a huge investment. To be able to purchase a home is utilizing the blessings that God has given us with our jobs and our ability to manage and save money well.
Is it excellent? Yes. I hope so.
Is it worthy of praise? Again, yes and no. Yes, we will absolutely praise God for our home. I am confident that He will provide. But no, we don't deserve praise for it - it will truly be a gift from God.

Based on that, if I were someone else looking at my answers, I'd tell me that my obsession with buying a house isn't unhealthy, but I probably need to dial it down until the time comes. I need to renew my mind to focus on having contentment in our apartment and in this place of not having the responsibility of being a homeowner. That gives us more time without the financial pressures just to grow in our marriage.

So I ask you today, what kind of filter are you using? Are there things in your life that you need to put through the Philippians 4:8 Filter? Do you need to renew your mind, your heart, and/or your spirit? Is there something that is keeping you down, causing a pit in your stomach that you can't quite put your finger on, that needs to be dealt with?

Put it through the filter. Let the Lord work on you. Surround yourself with those who are encouraging and not discouraging. Spend time allowing truth to saturate your mind. Spending time in communication with Christ today.

Weekend in Review & Post Cleanse Update

Verse of the Day: What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." - 2 Corinthians 6:16

-------------

Weekend in Review:

The Morales' have another great weekend for the books. Friday night we went to StadiumFest and Switchfoot played. I honestly don't know what I did to get be so blessed as to see both of my favorite bands within a week of each other. Jason and I both LOVE Switchfoot, but we've never seen them together. Thankfully, not only did we get to see a great show together, it was also free. It was awesome.

Me with Jon Foreman when I saw Swithfoot without Jason last year.

StadiumFest with my guy. He's such a stud.

Ahhhh! Switchfoot!!

Getting to see Switchfoot together was such a treat! Man, I love this man :)

Saturday Jason worked and I went to a workshop at church. The workshop was called "Faithfully Feminine" and it seriously was something that I needed and didn't even know it. Do you ever do that? I signed up last weekend on a whim and then I really didn't want to go and talked myself out of going a couple of times. The workshop lasted from 9:00-5:00 so it was basically a workday - and that's the part I wasn't looking forward to. But, I went, along with a friend, and about an hour into everything I knew that I was exactly where God wanted me to be - I'm so thankful for a sovereign Lord. I want to take a few days to blog about some things that I learned, so be on the lookout for that over the next week or so. 

Saturday night Jason and I went to the new coffee shop in Homewood called Seeds. It's pretty cool and our friends Mandi and Audrie were playing at the grand opening. They had good coffee, obviously good music, and we had fun with some friends as well. It's always nice to get out and spend time with friends. We even ended up at Waffle House afterward and I totally had a college flashback - good times.

Audrie (left) and Mandi (right). Our insanely talented friends.

Sunday was rainy and gross so we went to see the Jackie Robinson movie, relaxed, grocery shopped, and then I cleaned and Jason went to a meeting for work. Even though we didn't do a lot, it was a much needed day. 

-------------

Post Cleanse Update:

I lost a total of six pounds - which I'm happy with. This weekend I pretty much didn't follow the cleanse but instead, I opted to eat healthy and just tried to focus on transitioning back into a really healthy eating pattern. Friday was a rough day for me with the whole tomato-eating thing. In conjunction with the gross tomatoes, I also had some personal things going on that were upsetting, so it was just kind of a double shot of feeling like this cleanse was for the birds. 

All in all, I'm happy with the results of this cleanse, but I doubt I'll do it again. I like eating healthy, but the lack of protein was really hard on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm happy to have added meat back into my life, that's for sure. 

As always, I'll continue blogging about my progress on this journey that I'm on. I will admit that the decision to stop the cleanse was an emotional decision, but I came to the realization that emotions are a component of all of this. Now, that doesn't mean that what we like to call "emotional eating" is necessarily a good thing, because many times we do eat instead of running to God with our emotions. That, in turn, builds our comfort food into an idol.

But, to me, keeping up with the cleanse when I was incurring some tough emotions was more distressful and doing me more harm than it was good. So, after much prayer throughout the day, I made the decision to end the cleanse early and enjoy the weekend, while still maintaining healthy eating habits.

All of that being said, keep praying for me as I walk through this journey. This is a marathon, a lifelong marathon, and it's not a race. This is finding my identity in what's eternal and not focusing on the temporary (if you know anything about Joy Be, there's a little throwback rap for ya).

Have a great Monday, and it definitely feels like a Monday!

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Day 4: Thoughts on being a farmer-girl

Verse of the Day: "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!" - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Friends, we made it to Day Four. Today is my last day without eating meat, and I couldn't be more excited. So far, I've made it through two bananas, one glass of milk, and one yogurt without gagging. Tomorrow by this time, there may be a different story (tomato day).

I seriously feel like a farmer carrying mason jars of skim milk in my lunch box.
I guess farmers probably wouldn't have skim milk though, right?

Last time I did this cleanse I didn't eat yogurt, even though the plan clearly states that I can. This time, I decided to change it up and do eight bananas, four glasses of milk, and four yogurts. I'll let you know how that goes.

Just as I suspected, yesterday went as okay as it could - it was just a blah kind of day. I ate my fruits and veggies all day and then I met Jason at Jason's Deli for dinner. I really love their salad bar, so sticking to just ordering the salad bar wasn't hard for me. Leaving out a lot of the salad bar yummy-ness and walking out of the restaurant without my free fro-yo in hand was hard...very very hard.

When we got home, we did our usual, Jason works on a video project for a while and I watch my TV shows and practice my game of distracting Jason while not blatantly distracting Jason. My game is quite fun - I might laugh a little louder than normal when he's wearing headphones to see if he looks up or maybe walk in a circle around our living room, dining room, kitchen twice to see if he asks what I'm doing. Usually he doesn't notice, but last night when I burst into tears out of no where right in the middle of Modern Family, his focus was immediately shifted.

You see, it's really easy for me to write about my problems, my struggles, and what I'm feeling. I can go back, rewrite, reword, or altogether delete things in a blog post, journal entry, or letter. Real life talking doesn't work that way though, and so I'm always much more inclined to stick with written words. That being said, I've never fully explained to Jason my deepest darkest feelings about my battle with weight and food. That sounds stupid - we've been married for almost seven months - but it's just a lot easier to talk about other important things. We've definitely discussed it, just not to its full extent. My abrupt breakdown last night left no more room for avoiding it though, it was time for a real talk.

I don't know how much time we spent talking, maybe an hour or so, but I definitely felt better afterward. I was not any less hungry and unfortunately I didn't grow some incomprehensible amount of self-esteem from our conversation, but I just felt better. I felt like I had an ally in this thing (see the Verse of the Day).

I'll never post my full spectrum of issues with this battle on a blog, those thoughts are mine and some of them aren't meant to be shared with everyone. You all should know that I'm a pretty open book though, so always feel free to blogbacktome and ask me any questions you may have. But, because I'll always withhold some level of vulnerability, my reasoning behind the intensity of all of this might seem incomplete to some of you. I know that some of you probably think I'm a bit wacky, and that's probably true, but this cleanse and this eating right thing is something that I just have to do. I could list off at least 10 reasons right now about why I have to do it, but the main thing is that it's just out of obedience to God. Honestly, no more explanation is necessary past that.

Today makes me feel like I'm back in 2012 writing "Ramble" because I feel like I'm just rambling on and on right now - sorry. I just feel that it's important to be transparent about what emotions are being brought to the surface through this cleanse just for anyone else who can identify with me.

So, if that's you, know this: It's okay to talk about "the why's". It's okay to break down and cry or to be angry. Just make sure that at the end of the day, you follow in obedience to what God is calling you to do.

As for the rest of the day, I'll be eating my bananas and yogurt and drinking my milk. If you eat a hamburger or some ice cream, say a quick prayer for me - I'd do something crazy for either of those things right now.

Here's my food count from yesterday:

The totals:

The water consumption:

Farmer Jessica is signing off for the day...over & out.

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Day 3: Birmingham's A-Bloomin' & A Tough Day & Good News

Verse of the Day: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him.” - Lamentations 3:22-24

What a beautiful sight it is to drive around Birmingham right now. Although I'm not particularly enjoying all of the pollen covering my car and coating the inside of my sinuses, the blooming trees and flowers are really a treat. 
 

Flowers and trees around our apartment complex/along my drive to work

Now, I don't understand all the ins and outs of how pollen is created, why it's created, or any of that stuff (actually, I just Googled it and tried to learn about it but my eyes started glazing over so I decided to just admit my ignorance). But all this beautiful (yellow sprinkled) nature really made me think as I drove home from work yesterday. 

There is such a complex system to which God allows the flowers to bloom - it's biological, it's scientific, it's perfect, it's a miracle. At the same time, there is a complex system to which God allows our bodies to work - it's biological, it's scientific, it's perfect, it's a miracle. 

That was exactly the "ah-ha" moment I needed to have a truth to cling to last night, because when I got home, things got rough. 

I had done really well living on veggies all day. I got really hungry right before lunch - like I thought I was going to pass out hungry - but I still didn't cheat. I'd basically stayed in a state of "I think I'm going to pass out" for the rest of the afternoon. When I got home, thinks only got worse. 

A few weeks ago, our ceiling started leaking right above our kitchen sink. When I got home, this is what I found...

Y'all that was one of the grossest cleanups ever.

I was not a happy camper.

Then I realized that half of that gross looking water was chicken broth from the chicken that I had put in the crock pot for Jason - the crock pot had a huge crack in it. 

When Jason got home, I was about at my whits end. When he found out that I'd felt like I was going to pass out for the last 5 hours, he forced me to eat some of his dinner (thanks Jason) alongside my large-and-in-charge salad. I decided not to argue, mainly because I didn't have enough energy to, but I think that he made a smart decision. I also ate a few crackers just to settle my stomach.

Jason's dinner is in the background...thanks for sharing J!

We spent most of the evening 'working' on our own stuff - Jason really did work on a video for work and I  read for fun (I love post college life). I really love nights like this because we're able to be together, smile at each other, talk when we have something to say, but still do our own thing. It truly is one of the many gifts of married life. 

Look how handsome he looks sittin' behind his computer makin' that money ;)

After a while of working on our own stuff, we went to Target to get a new crock pot because, if you know me even a little bit you know that I can't live without a crock pot (first-world problems, I know). Thankfully, Jason saw the necessity in replacing this item and I'm very happy that he did :) 

Yay! It's exactly like the one I already had! I need a name for this guy.

After I had a little bit of protein, I felt a lot better. I didn't feel like I was going to pass out anymore, and I only got a little bit hungry right before bed. What was weird though, is that on Monday, I was craving a huge salad. Yesterday, I was craving watermelon. Thankfully, today I can eat both. 

Here's the big question of the day: What progress has been made so far?

Well, first of all, a lot of self-control has had to come into play since Monday. Going from eating whatever I wanted to eat to this really strict cleanse was tough - and I've had to depend on a lot of prayer, encouragement, talking to myself, and scripture reading to maintain self-control. It's also been a physical challenge, because, like I said, I spent 5 hours yesterday feeling like I might pass out. I'm happy that I've been able to rely upon God to provide strength and energy to get me through the last few days and to quiet my cravings for food. 

A little side note: This morning, the place that I am in my reading guide even led me to read about feasts! Now, you want to tell me that our God isn't sovereign over ever little detail of our lives?

Second, I've lost three pounds so far! I weighed myself Monday morning right after I woke up. I did the same thing this morning, and low and behold I was three pounds lighter. For some of you, you may be thinking, "What? That's nothing!" but for me it is. I think about all of those days that I woke up thinking I'd lost five, six, or seven pounds after eating really really good for a week or two and I'd only lost [maybe] one. So, I'm making a decision to focus on the fact that I've lost something! I've relied on God's strength and He's given me grace throughout the last few days. I give the praise to Him for the three pounds I've lost, and I will continue to give Him glory for whatever victories He allows me throughout this battle.

Hooray!!

Now, onto my morning...

So, remember how our fridge wasn't working yesterday? Well, apparently it was fixed before I got home yesterday.

This morning I came to a different conclusion. 

Notice the sheet of ice along the right side of the picture.

That's all I'll say about that.

I made a juice with 1 kiwi, about 6 strawberries, 1 orange, and some pineapple juice that we already had. It was pretty good, but left another weird aftertaste - I think it's the orange. 

I'm a fan of my "MRS." cup.

I also ate the leftover watermelon and cantaloupe from Monday that was sitting the the broken fridge - it was cold though, thankfully :)

Although yesterday I did have some very "gray" coffee, I'm trying to hold out this morning to see how I feel. For lunch I brought lettuce and an avocado to make a salad. I also packed 2 apples, and 2 snack baggies with orange slices, strawberries, and kiwi slices. 

Couldn't leave out the multivitamins that have been photo bombing
almost every picture from the cleanse so far!

Here's the run down of my food consuption yesterday:

Click the picture to make it readable.

Here are the totals of the breakdown of my caloric intake, carbs, fat, protein, fiber, and sugar:

Still...such a weird eating day.

Here's my massive, over-the-top water consumption from yesterday:

Please feel free to ask me any questions you may have about the cleanse! Keep on encouraging, keep on praying...2.5 days down!

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Day 2: Dreams of Sugar, Candies, and Carbs

Verse of the Day: "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." - Romans 8:26

Yesterday I got home from work, ate an entire watermelon, and went to sleep. 

Just kidding...but that's what I wanted to do. I did however eat a lot of watermelon and cantaloupe, made another juice, ate an apple, ate some grapes, ate an orange, made some tea, watched TV, cleaned the apartment, and went to sleep. All the while "fiesty Jessica" had taken over and Jason found it to be quite humorous, until the jokes were on him. 

My dinner last night.

I'll attribute my "fiesty-ness" to lack of protein and caffeine, but who knows, maybe it really just was one of those days. As soon as I got home, I ate my melons and drank my juice (which left the worst aftertaste ever). About an hour later, I ate an apple. I was going to try to let that be it for the night, but before bed I got really really weak, saw a box of Cheez-Itz and almost went for the kill. Thankfully, I grabbed some grapes and went and sat on the bed - away from all food. Then I wondered back into the kitchen, saw some crackers, and almost went for the kill again. You're probably thinking, "What an idiot, just stay in your room - stop going to the kitchen!" and that would have been a pretty good plan except that I couldn't sit still because I was so hungry! Thankfully, I made it through and I have not cheated once. Although if thinking about cheating counted for anything, I had dreams of sugary goodness and crunchy, salty snacks all. night. long.
 

The juicer has revolutionized the fruit and veggie days of this cleanse.
The worst part about it is cleaning it up afterwards.
"Jason, are you sure I have to do this before bed?" I said.

Also, yesterday I think I drank more water than I ever have in my life. I honestly quit counting at 12 cups. 

Here's an overview of everything I ate yesterday. I put my food into myfitnesspal.com according to what I aim to eat on a "healthy" day - 1,200 calories, less than 165 grams of carbs, 40 grams of fat, at least 45 grams of protein, at least 14 grams of fiber, and less than 24 grams of sugar. What a weird eating day. If myfitnesspal.com were a human, they'd probably think I'd gone off the deep end. 

The sugar-watcher in me says that's WAY too much
sugar for one day...but I'm just following the directions!

Today I woke up really excited. Why? Because my breakfast consisted of a baked potato! When I got out of bed this morning, I said, "Jason, I get to eat a potato!!" Literally, that was the first thing I said. He said, "For breakfast?!?" Yes Sweety, I know I'm nuts. Thank you for not pointing it out. So, I made my baked potato and enjoyed every last bite.

It might not look like much, but this potato was my best friend this morning.
Then I ate it.

While getting ready for work, I also made some okra, mixed veggies, broccoli, and cut up some cucumbers and celery for the day. I did run into a little bit of a problem though because our fridge isn't working. It freezes everything that goes inside. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the White Witch from Narnia was living in there. We've asked them to come fix it, but it hasn't happened yet. Unfortunately, that means almost all of the fresh veggies I bought on Saturday are that weird, frozen, mushy texture and I really don't think I can handle that. I'll probably be making a run to the grocery store during my lunch break today...which makes me really upset, but what can you do? I just gotta roll with the punches. 

Cucumber, celery, and lots of spinach.

So, here's the big question of the day: How am I feeling after Day 1?

Well, my head hurts. I reread all of my materials from the website that I got the cleanse from and it turns out that I can have coffee, it just can't be all jazzed up. Honestly, I haven't had any though because I'm afraid that my headache is coming from my caffeine withdrawal. If it doesn't go away in about an hour, I'm going to have to break down and drink a little bit of coffee because it's hard for me to function with such a bad headache. 

Also, like I said, I've been kind of grumpy. Basically, I have no filter, which can be funny sometimes unless I'm addressing you. I don't like feeling this way, and I've said a couple of things (mainly to Jason...sorry) that were kind of mean, but I've tried to just keep to myself until I get past this stage. 

I've been a little bit shaky/weak as well. My plan yesterday was to go walk after work because it was such a nice day, but I was literally shaking when I left work so I decided that I probably don't need to pass out on the Lakeshore Trail. I brought clothes to go today, but any sort of exercise while cleansing is going to be a spur of the moment decision that is 100% depended on how much energy I have. 

I'm continually praying throughout the day that the Lord gives me strength physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally to get through these first few days. Please keep praying for me throughout this process...it definitely helps! 

That's all I have for now! Day 2 is here and it's going to be great (see, the positivity it key...I think I can, I think I can)!

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Eat Your Heart Out

Remember last year when I did the cleanse before I went wedding dress shopping? Well, I'm going to do it again - minus the wedding dress shopping.

I've almost finished Made to Crave (I took on another book while I was reading this one, so it's taken me longer to finish it) and I feel as though the Lord is prompting me to do something drastically obedient.

Interestingly enough, I just finished reading all of the laws that God gave to Moses about what the Israelites could and couldn't eat, about their sacrifices, and how they are to conduct their lives as God's chosen people.

I don't believe in coincidences, but I believe in answered prayers. I feel like everything that I've been reading, praying, learning, talking about, and writing about is all coming together - converging roads if you will. I know that God has allowed me to come to this place in what I'm learning because I've been begging Him to teach me.

This is how I feel.
Source

Teach me to trust.

Teach me to be obedient.

Teach me to crave His glory.

Teach me dependence.

Teach me to pray.

Source

These have been my prayers over the last four weeks or so, and God has been faithful to answer each of them. I'm on a journey - and if you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that.

I've always tried to be healthier to lose weight. While I still want to achieve a healthier life and I'd love to fit into my old jeans from college, this is the FIRST time that I'm doing this as a spiritual journey in which I am more focused on what God wants to do inside of my heart.

As I did last time, I'm going to attempt to blog about my cleanse each day. You can read the posts from my first cleanse here:

Preparing for the cleanse

Day 1: Fruit

Day 2: Veggies

Day 3: Fruits and Veggies

Day 4: Bananas and Milk/Yogurt

Day 5: Thoughts so far

Day 5: Poultry and Tomatoes

Day 6: Poultry and Veggies

Day 7: Weird Soup

I will begin on Monday, April 8th and, Lord willing, end on Sunday, April 14th. I really liked the "Modified GM Cleanse" (or the "Eat Your Heart Out" diet) so I'm going to stick with that. If anyone would like to do it with me, I'm posting the plan below for you to reference. I would ask this though: If you're planning on doing this cleanse as well, please let me know so that we can encourage each other along the way. Just send me an email or text so that I know :)

Source

Please be in prayer for me as I prepare for this cleanse and as I embark on this challenge. Pray that the Lord would be faithful to allow me to forget my hunger and cravings for delicious sugary foods and yummy crunchy, salty snacks. I'd also love encouragement along the way. If you think about out, a little shout out of encouragement would be a wonderful gift to receive next week.

Alright, that's all of today.

Thanks for reading!

Have a good weekend everyone!

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Jesus is the bread...so take those rolls off the dinner table!

Sitting in a booth, sharing a bagel with my mom, I was faced with a new reality. We drank our coffee, shared a snack, and caught up with each other - this was nothing out of the ordinary. Since my junior year of high school, this was our routine. Even so, there was something different this time.

Here’s a little background information -

Two years ago (and around the time of this mother/daughter coffee date), as a recent college graduate, I lost about 20 pounds. Standing at only 5 feet tall with a curvy frame, 20 pounds made a huge difference in the way I looked and felt.

I was the girl crash dieting and forcing myself into the gym since early high school. I was the girl constantly tugging at her clothes and explaining my weight anytime I got the chance, just to make sure that I acknowledged my less-than-perfect body before anyone else did. So after months of cutting out all the wrong foods and fueling myself with all the right foods, my mom was curious as to why a bagel was my choice of snack that warm August afternoon.

I don’t think that my mom meant for her words to impact me very much or change my whole outlook – but I’m glad that they did. I truly believe that she had a genuine curiosity about the maintenance phase of my weight loss plan. But as she questioned, and I answered back with some vague excuse, her next words hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Have you ever considered that your battle with self-esteem, food, and your weight is more of a spiritual battle than anything else?” she asked.

Quietly, I muttered, no. Over the next few weeks, I contemplated this question almost constantly. I obsessed on it because I felt so silly for never even considering that all of these years that I’ve struggled and been overly self-conscience, I never once thought to give this “issue” to the Lord.

Why I hadn’t I? When I began dating my husband, which was about a year before this, I prayed daily that God would allow us to connect mentally/intellectually (when we began dating), spiritually (as we grew together as a couple), emotionally (as things became more serious and we started talking about marriage), and physically (after we wed). Now, all four of these things are all extremely vital to building, maintaining, and enjoying our marriage. I think that at some point in my life I just concluded that these four things made up every aspect of our person. So why then, did I not apply these same principles, including the spiritual aspect, to my only real consistent and long-term strife?

Although the answer really doesn’t matter as much as the subsequent action, I realized over time that the answer really boils down to a deep rooted fear. I feared letting go of control.  But, as I just said, identifying the problem is really only the first step. The important thing is how to change the problem.

Therefore, in a day where young women are living in an over saturated, media-based culture that forces us to see its idea what beautiful looks like, I want to extend a white flag of surrender for those who are just tired of trying.

My advice to you is not to quit, but rather, loosen your grip a little bit; let go. Here are some ways that I’ve learned to balance my struggle in a healthier way.

•  Physically - The most obvious way to take action on a struggle with self-esteem, food, and weight is by taking a physical action. I’m not a medical professional, so I’ll just give you basic ideas that I’ve learned from experience. Eat foods that come from nature. The means a diet that contains higher protein and fiber and lower in carbohydrates, sugar, and processed foods. Exercise as much as possible, but make it fun. If you like running, add some fun music to your workout playlist. If you hate running, join a gym that offers classes like cycling, kickboxing, or step aerobics. Exercise with your friends or your significant other and challenge each other; a little competition is always exciting. I’ve even started wearing a pedometer to work, and I try to compete with myself each day to see if I can find ways to walk more just by showing up at work.

•  Mentally/Intellectually - For me, this is the easiest way to conquer my issue. I read a lot of health blogs, exercise blogs, and articles on health and wellness. Sometime I enjoy reading books on health and exercise, but many times books promote fad diets, and I try to steer clear of those. Find a few blogs that you like, and follow them regularly. The beneficial thing about a blog is that it’s a real person writing, so usually it offers encouragement as well as tips, advice, and ideas. I’m reading a book right now that was suggested to me by one of my friends/blog readers called Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. I recommend it to anyone who struggles with “eating your feelings” as I like to call it. Here’s one (of many) quote from it that truly stuck out to me: “But, if I allowed my brain to park in a place of dissatisfaction about any part of my body, it would give Satan just enough room to move in with his lie that strips me of motivation: ‘Your body is never going to look the way you want it to look, so why sacrifice so much? Your discipline is in vain.’” Honestly, I could probably quote the whole book, but that would make this post completely irrelevant – so go buy the book and read it for yourself!

•  Emotionally - Incorporating an emotional aspect to battling against my weight and food is almost as hard for me as incorporating a spiritual side. It’s really tough for me to be vulnerable enough with myself to face what I like to call, “The Why’s”. Why am I so drawn to eat things that I know in my head are not good for me? Why am I sitting on the couch talking on the phone or watching TV when I can be walking around the neighborhood talking on the phone or listening to music? Why do I crave unhealthy foods when I’m mad/upset/hurt/sad? Why do I buy things at the grocery store that I know will be tempting to me, even though I’ve been eating so good all week long? Honestly, this list could go on and on, and I’m sure that everyone’s list will be a variance of “The Why’s”. Many times it’s easy to find a surface level answer, but to dig beneath the surface gets messy. I for one don’t like to face the reason for why I turn to food for comfort, or why I remain sedentary when I get home from a sedentary job. It’s painful, and many times the conclusion that I come to is that my strength, will power, and efforts will never be enough for me to make real progress in this area of my life. Which leads to my next point...

•  Spiritually - If you look throughout the bible, there are subtle, but clear references to food in relation to sin. Eve ate the apple and the Israelites freaked out because they were running out of food, just to name a few. But, as a beautiful picture of restoration, the bible also uses images of food to encourage us. When Jesus is tempted in the desert, the adversary tempts him with food, yet Jesus says that no man can live by bread alone. In the gospel of John, Jesus declares, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst” (John 6:35). Jesus also meets the physical need of people when he feeds the 5,000 before he feeds them spiritually in Matthew 14. So, why then do we not cast our burden - our answers to “The Why’s” on our Lord and Savior? Do we think that our food issues or our weight issues are too petty for God? Do we think that we should be strong enough to accomplish our weight loss goal on our own? Or, do we deny that we even have a problem? Something that I’ve learned is that the moment I replace God with food, I’m not only sinning, but I have a problem that needs fixing by the Holy Spirit. When I’m offered a job, my husband and I celebrate by going out to eat. The last time that this happened, it took me almost a day to stop and praise God for providing a job for me. When I’m upset about something, I’ll justify a bowl of ice cream after dinner and a skipped day at the gym, but it might take me hours or even days to bring whatever I’m upset about before the Lord. Does any of this sound familiar? This issue of self-esteem, food, and weight is intricately connected with our relationship with God. Treat it that way and give it the validity in your prayers that its due.

As I look back on the last two years of my life, I almost start to laugh at how it looks. I’d love to tell you that I’m where I want to be and that the truth that my mom presented to me that day over coffee and a bagel has whipped me into shape and now I’m exactly where I want to be. But the reality of this truth that she spoke is that it’s a journey. It’s a spiritual journey, and I don’t pretend that I have all the answers. But I will admit that since that day, things have been different for me because God used my mom as a vessel to reveal something important to me and it finally clicked. My hope and my prayer is that, at the least, is that you’re encouraged by reading this. I’d love for this to be that epiphany moment and you’re literally staring at your computer right now with your hand on your forehead saying, “Man, why didn’t I see this before?!” If that’s the case, I’m thankful that God has used a simple girl like me, and I pray that he receives glory for it all.

That seems to about cover all I had to say today.
So then...
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