Watch It! : A Where I'm Going Update

So, remember how I've always battled my weight and how I identified a couple of months ago that it's a mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual battle that I've had to deal with? Well, that's still extremely true.

When I was going into ninth grade, my mom joined Weight Watchers and lost a good bit of weight. Since she's the one who bought the groceries and made dinner each night, I learned a lot about the program and I lost some weight as well. Since then, I've tried Weight Watchers a couple of times, but I always have a terrible attitude toward it for some reason.

I think that I've identified that Weight Watchers is a strict program that actually works if you do it right, which is true. I think that in the past I've always blamed the program for my weight gain/battle rather than myself and my lack of self-control.

Over the last couple of years, a couple of people in my life (including my dad) have done WW and had some pretty significant success from it. Over the last few years, I've attributed the fact that WW doesn't take sugars/carbs into consideration as my reason for not getting back on the program.

Obviously, things have evolved from 2004 and now WW does take sugars/carbs into consideration. Even though I knew this, I've still used the same excuse for the last year or so.

Last Thursday while we were at camp, we were going around telling everyone (who asked) that our wedding is "three months from tomorrow [Friday]". Then at lunch, someone who I've worked with there told me that a whole group of girls that work for the organization are doing WW together and if I ever wanted to do it and needed a support group, I could join them.

I don't know what really was the exact straw that broke the camel's back, but something did. I could just feel the door opening for me and God pushing me through it. I could feel Him telling me that this is a weapon I can use in this spiritual battle that I have been fighting for the last 15 years. And it just so happens that the sign up fee for a three month WW online subscription was waved through the weekend.

I asked Jason for this thoughts, and he obviously said he thought it was a good idea if it's something I feel like I need to do (he's the best). So, starting this past Sunday, I'm a Weight Watchers online member :)

I have to admit that it's been a tough couple of days, especially while we were traveling home 8.5 hours. Anytime I start something like this its hard, and it even becomes emotional for me because this is a mental/emotional/physical/spiritual thing. Over the past couple of days, I've doubted, I've wanted to eat my feelings (and I did until I finally stopped myself), and I've been ashamed.

I was ashamed that I'm not happy with myself three months before my wedding. As each month goes by, I want to feel more like I'm closer to looking/feeling the way I would like to look/feel on September 22nd, but so far I haven't. I'm ashamed that I'm having to start something new so close to that day; so ashamed that I almost didn't write this post today.

But I realize that I need prayer and support. This blog has served as an avenue for me to receive just that. It's also served as accountability for me over the last few months, and I'm definitely a stronger person because of all of you reading this thing.

So, as I embark on this little adventure over the next three months, I am hoping that you'll keep me in your thoughts and prayers. If you find good WW recipes, send them my way! And if you've had a WW success story (or know one), send that my way as well!