On Marriage - Part Two

So how do we deal with this? How do we reconcile with our past? How do we reconcile with our significant other's past? And how to we walk forward in life/marriage/relationships knowing that we're bringing our past with us? What does this look like practically?

First, we have to realize that we all make mistakes, which makes us all in need of receiving forgiveness. To be able to move past our past, we have to accept forgiveness that is offered to us at the cross of Christ. Ephesians 1:6-8 says, "to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight". In other words, we have to forgive ourselves because Christ has forgiven us.

I'm totally not brave enough to do this - but sometimes I wish I had
"Removable Reminder Tats". Maybe that's a new business venture.
Source

Second, we must be honest about our past. I don't mean that we must spill our guts to anyone and everyone you know, but you must be honest with the person you're married to, or will be married to. I've heard of couples who follow the motto of "What's in the past is in the past" and they don't need to know anything about their spouse other than what happened from they day they met forward. That isn't logical. Our baggage does not end when we start something new. If you know that your husband's mom used to make him a specific cake for his birthday every year, would you just ignore that fact on his birthday because that was something from before you knew him? No! You'd call his mom, get the recipe, and whip up a delicious cake (and hopefully share with me)!  James 5:16 says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." I promise you that by knowing without any doubt that you're forgiven for you past by the person you love, you will enjoy so much freedom together through Christ's forgiveness. 

Third, we must love one another, and that includes loving each other's pasts. Let me be clear, this can be tough for many. This can even be hard for most. But it's necessary. You cannot love your husband/wife or future husband/wife the way the bible calls you to without loving them unconditionally - in spite of their past. 

"Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love,
love one another earnestly from a pure heart," 1 Peter 1:22
Source

Without being too candid, I'll use Jason and I as an example. Jason's family is much different than mine. He's an only child and he was raised by his mom and grandma for that majority of his childhood. When we started dating, I didn't think much about how different our families were. But as we grew closer to marriage, it scared me. I'm from a family where there is literally no divorce on either side. No one is an only child, in fact a lot of families within my family have four or more kids. There are just always tons of people around and I usually don't even notice it. Jason's home was quiet on holidays. He and his mom had their traditions, but they were so drastically different than mine. I've learned over the last year or so that loving Jason, including the family he comes from, helps me to love him well. When he needs a quiet night at home after a really busy day or week, it makes sense to me. When he's more withdrawn around my giant family, I totally get it. 

Now for my past. Obviously I can't speak for Jason, but I am almost 100% sure that he wasn't a fan of my "boy crazy" high school years. In fact, he probably still isn't. But I was honest with him about who I was before I came to have a relationship with Christ really early into our dating relationship. I didn't want to blindside him with that in case things worked out (thankfully, things worked out). Jason didn't really date much before me, so that was something that was hard for him to grasp. But I remember him telling me that he "would be different". Those were his exact words, and I remember him saying them to me as if he'd said them this morning. He made a decision to show me what it was like to be treated well; to be valued as a woman and a daughter of the Most High. He's always loved me in spite of my regrets things I'd do differently, and because of that, he's been able to love me well from the very start. Has that been easy? I doubt it. But by the grace of God, he has been drastically different.

Last, we must recognize that marriage doesn't change us. To me, this is the most important, but that's probably  because it hits so close to home. Since I've wanted to get married since about age six, I had it built up in my mind as this huge, life-altering event. Don't get me wrong - it is; I promise. But, it's not life-altering like I thought it would be. When Jason and I came back from our honeymoon, I was kind of in a state of bewilderment for about two weeks. I had always envisioned that I'd come back home, be carried across the threshold of our apartment, and I would instantly feel different. I thought I'd be wiser, more self-confident, and mature. Nope. I wasn't. I was still just Jessica. My name had changed, my martial status had changed, my living arrangements had changed, but I was still me. It was a bit of a let down. 

Let me pause here and hand out a piece unsolicited of advice - If you're engaged or single, don't make the same mistake I did when I got married. I'm pretty sure that I scared Jason half to death when I looked at him in the car after two weeks of marriage and said, "Do you feel different? Because I don't. I just don't feel the way I always thought I'd feel." Oops. Sorry for that one J.

Marriage doesn't change you. I lived for 8,539 days unmarried. At least 3/4 of those days were spent wishing to be married. What does that mean? It means that it's taken less than 222 days to realize that marriage doesn't change you and I wasted a lot of time wishing to be the "married version" of myself  because I put a lot of hope in the fact that "Married Jessica" would be a better version of Jessica. 

Don't make that mistake. I'm still flawed. I'm still sinful. My past still exists. My husband still has to love me in spite of my past. I still have to ask for forgiveness each day. I still have the same weird quirks. I'm still not confident in myself. I'm still significantly immature. I still make unwise decisions. I'm still just Jessica, saved by grace through faith. 

The only real, and best change is that I have someone who loves me in a way no one else does. A man to share life with. To make memories with. To laugh with. To cry to. To pray with. A man who seeks to love me well each hour of every day. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But, if I got a do-over and had to go back to the years before I knew Jason and was married to him, I'd be more content in my waiting. I'd wait patiently and rely upon God's sovereign plan. 

So there you have it - that's my bit on marriage. Like I always say, God is teaching me new things daily, and it's a joy to be able to write them on this blog and share them with you. My hope and prayer as that the things that He's teaching me can resonate with at least one other person reading this. We're not called to walk through this life alone.  

 

On Marriage - Part One

Hey guys, I'm back. Thanks for being patient with me. Here's Part One of a two part series about some of my experiences and observations about marriage. If you're single, dating, or engaged, keep reading. This is for you too!

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I've wanted to be married since before I understood what marriage was. At first I thought it was just something you called really loving another human being. When I was six, I told both of my sisters I wanted to marry them. Obviously, that's a problem - but as a young child I just knew I wanted to be married, receive an inconceivable amount of love, and pour out love in the same way.

As I got older, I watched movies that ended in a wedding and a "happily ever after". We can blame Disney and fairytale stories, but I things that those things are good for kids. At the core, I wanted my happily ever after and yearned for it like nothing else.

Me. Dressed up like Cinderella. Age 4.

When I was in middle school, I had a "boyfriend" who was really just basically my best friend. We went to movies together and hung out on the weekends and I always had someone to be partners with at school. But to me, having a boy in my life whom I cared about greatly meant marriage in my book (sorry if that person is reading this and feeling totally awkward right now). But again, at 11, 12, and 13-years-old, I just wanted to love and be loved. I wanted my happily ever after.

Moving into high school, I handled the whole dating thing all wrong (again, sorry to anyone who may read this and was a part of that season of life). I always "liked" a boy and was constantly trying to catch their attention. In the second half of high school, I had a steady boyfriend, and I calmed down a bit. But my goal was marriage, just like it always had been. I wanted my happily ever after.

Upon moving to Birmingham and starting college, I still had the same boyfriend. We were long distance for about two years, and then we ended things. It was at this point in my life that I took a good, long, hard look at my life, my priorities, and just the things that I valued. During the breakup of a relationship that spanned two seasons of life and over three years, the hardest thing to let go of was the idea of marriage being my next step.

When I set out on this journey of self-examination, I realized that I was living to be married. Almost 20 years of my life had been spent working toward one thing - marriage. I was ready to see the result of this goal, even if it meant being with the wrong person for way too long. I wanted my happily ever after more than I wanted genuine happiness or true joy.

At some point along the way, I realized that the desire to be married was not a bad thing in and of itself - in fact, I sincerely believe that it was a God-given desire. But like any good thing, my sinful flesh had twisted and manipulated this desire into an idol.

After my breakup, a lot of people told me that as soon as I stopped looking for the right guy, he'd show up. Maybe that was good advice in one regard because I was so intent on meeting my future husband and getting married as I simultaneously walked across the stage to receive my diploma. But in other ways, it was detrimental to my mental health.

I still had a desire to get married. I still "liked" a guy, or multiple guys, always (hey, I'm just being real with you...I'm not proud of this). I still would walk in a room full of college students or recent grads at a church event or party and think to myself, "Maybe I'll meet 'him' tonight."

So you see, it was close to impossible for me to stop "looking" because I did have this desire planted, in fact rooted, deep within my being.

Eventually, I did go to an event at Samford, and I ended up sitting next to this really funny, super cute guy named Jason. We had some mutual friends and we'd met a few times before, but we'd never really had a full conversation.

We're married now (thanks Red Horse). And thankfully by now we've had a full conversation.

There is something that I didn't realize until recently though. I want to share that something with you because I think it's vital for every person to see - male, female, married, single, dating, engaged, whatever.

That thing is this: Our journey to accomplishing our goals, achieving our dreams, and pursuing out hopes writes the story of our life. For many of us, that's a beautiful story of grace, redemption, joy, and restoration. But along with this, we pick up some baggage along the way. And that baggage follows us all the way down the aisle, it stands next to us as we say our vows, and it jumps in our luggage as we leave for our honeymoon.

Marriage doesn't make our past disappear.

So how do we deal with this? How do we reconcile with our past? How do we reconcile with our significant other's past? And how to we walk forward in life/marriage/relationships knowing that we're bringing our past with us? What does this look like practically?

I'm glad you asked...but, you'll have to wait until tomorrow for Part Two.

I Said "YES" - It's Been One Year

Jason proposed to me one year ago today. I'd like to say that time flies, and it some ways it does, but I also feel like we've just always been married...I suppose that's probably a good thing :)

Anyway, I wanted to post our proposal story, because it's awesome of course. I was going to just repost the blog that I wrote about it, but then I realized that I never posted a blog about it. I did however, post the story on our wedding website. Since September 23rd marked the day that I never did anything wedding related again, our wedding website is still up. So, here's our proposal story (complete with awesome photos), one year later.

Enjoy!

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Jason proposed on February 4, 2012. I have known Jason was very romantic all along, but I this night he was on a whole new playing field.

So...here it goes:

Jason told me that he wanted to take me on a date Saturday night. He said that earlier in the week, but he never really said anything else about it. So Friday night I asked him if he still wanted to go out Saturday night, and he said, "Yes, be ready at 5:30."

Well, I was ready, but the bottom dropped out of the sky at about 5:20 that night. So we made a run to the car with my somewhat functional (but usually broken), leopard-print umbrella. We barely got out of my apartment complex and he pulled out a blindfold and told me that there were 5 parts to our date, and I had to be blindfolded in between every part. Honestly, I wasn't as shocked as I probably should have been when he handed me the blindfold. He did the same thing when he asked me to be his girlfriend on September 22, 2010....it's kind of his trademark :)

Me with my awesome blindfold.

So the first two parts of our date he basically took me on our first date again. We went to Rojo for dinner in Highlands area. He didn't let me take off the blindfold until we were literally walking in the door, so I felt silly, but that's okay because I knew something special was coming. We ate, and I honestly can't even remember what we talked about because I was so giddy/excited/nervous.

After dinner, he took me to Morris Ave. downtown. On our first date, Jason took me to a place there to hear one of our friends from church play. On our first date, we walked around the unique area of Morris Ave. before the show. February 4th, he walked his blindfolded girlfriend through the same street. He guided me all the way down the cobblestone road to this random chair sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. Then he told me to sit down, and he got out his backpack  (I asked if we were going to school).

Our "song" is called Goodnight Moon, and a while back I bought him the children's book with the same name because he'd never read it before. So while I was sitting in the random chair in the middle of Morris Ave., he told me that he had a story to read to me and he read me Goodnight Moon (the book). Then he told me that he had something for me to read, and he got out this beautiful custom made hardback book that had all of these pictures of us in it. He'd written the book to be like Goodnight Moon, except everything was "Hello [fill in the blank]". I started crying about three pages in. Then on the last page it said, "Do you want a new last name? Will you marry me?" And when I finished reading he was on one knee with the ring out.

It looks like a scene from a movie. Good job Kyle (aka our spy photographer)

On one knee. Love this.

 After that, we went to Homewood Park. The first time we went there was some sort of pilates class going on or something so Jason and I made fun of them  by dancing on the tables trying to immitate them. So Saturday when we went to the park he got out his iPod and we danced on the table...sounds silly, but it was really sweet and cute...and let's face it, Jason and I are a pretty silly couple.

Fourth stop was O'Henry's coffee shop in Downtown Homewood. Jason took me in (still blindfolded) and set up his computer and he had my family on the other end of it so we could video chat. That was probably one of the best parts of the night because all of them were just sitting there waiting and SO excited for us! We talked for almost an hour, which I later found out was good because Jason wasn't sure how he was going to delay us for the fifth and final part of the night (he totally underestimated how much four girls can talk).

Video chatting with my family

Last stop of the night was at our friends' apartment. Our small group from church and a couple of our other good friends had thrown us a little engagement party, which was so wonderful and sweet of them. We got to celebrate and text all of our friends and family. We also got to eat some yummy ice cream cake and just share our story and fellowship with the people we share life with here in Birmingham. Before we left, our friends prayed over us and our engagement and our future marriage. It reminded me how truly blessed we are to have each other, our friends, and our families who are all so encouraging and supportive!

Our engagement party!

Dun-dun-dun-duuhhhhhh...THE RING...or should I say, THE BLING!

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I've blogged to you...
Now you can blogbacktome

It's Been A While

So it's been a while since my last blog. In fact, it's been 15 days. Want to know how I know that (other than using a calendar of course)?

Because we only have 15 days left!

So what have I been up to in the last 15 days you may ask? Well, a lot.

Carlee moved to Birmingham to begin her freshman year of college at Samford. She now lives 1.5 miles from me!

Carlee trying on her bridesmaids attire at dinner. What a trooper.

Therefore I shamelessly use her as my bridesmaids jewelry/dress/makeup/hair model. 

We bought a dining room table.

 

 

I never thought I'd see the day when I would get so excited about new furniture. But alas, that day has come.

I've figured out my hair style for the wedding.

This probably sounds silly and insignificant to some people, but knowing what my hair will look like that day and having the peace of time that it'll look good is a huge load off my shoulders.

Jason and I got to celebrate our upcoming marriage with all of our friends from Destin at our hometown gathering.

We were so blessed to get to visit with all of my family's nearest and dearest friends. We also got the pleasure of finally introducing part of Jason's family to my family!

I received my first gifts with my new monogram!

This may seem silly or insignificant as well, but when you've had one name your whole life and then it changes, that's a pretty big deal!

We've also:
Finalized our vows and the order of our ceremony.
I read one of the best books I've ever read, "Redeeming Love" (more on that later).
Experienced the first college football weekend of the year.
Completely reorganized and redecorated an apartment.


So, as you can see, we've had a busy two weeks...and the busy-ness will continue on for another two weeks. Thankfully, we have tons of help and lots of understanding friends and family.We cannot wait for our wedding day! We cannot wait to be The Morales'!

One Month Countdown: Our Story

So, in celebration of our one month until the wedding mark, I'm going to share our story with all of you (all of you who probably already know it, or watched it all happen...but oh well)!

Once upon a time, a girl told a friend that she'd go see his documentary screening at Samford -

- actually, let's back up a couple of years...

Once upon a time a girl went to freshman orientation at Samford University in the summer of 2007. All of the new kids got to stay overnight in the dorms and the orientation leaders put together a fun night for everyone. Part of this fun night was a DJ and karaoke. There happen to be a guy who was going into his senior year at Samford and he was in charge of the sound and music. The girl saw him at the beginning of the night, but as the night went on, she felt like she was seeing him more and more...and he got more and more silly. At one point he came right up to her and starting dancing like a crazy person. She thought to herself, "What a weird dude...fun...but strange." The next day she told her parents that the DJ guy was really odd, and that he danced by her for part of the evening (She didn't realize he was a student, so that made it seem kind of odd. But let's be honest - she told her parents because she was kind of flattered). Five and a half years later, the sound guy and the flattered girl are getting married!

...now we're getting ahead of ourselves, let's go back to the documentary screening -

So this girl, we'll call her Jessica, went to see a documentary screening for her friend. She was running late (kind of on purpose because she wasn't sure if she'd know anyone else there), and as she was walking across the quad, she saw a guy that she knew was mutual friend go into the screening room, we'll call him Jason. Jessica decided that she'd just slip in the back. When she entered the room, she saw that Jason had done the same thing. Boldly, she asked if she could sit with him. He said, "Sure, but can you sit over here {he motioned to the other side of him}? I have a friend meeting me." Jessica was sure it was a girl, maybe even a girlfriend, and this was about to get super awkward. Sure enough, it wasn't a girl...it was Jason's friend, we'll call him Kyle.

This was the documentary that started it all!

After the screening, Jason and Jessica talked for a little while. It was the first week of May 2010, and finals were fast approaching for those who were still in college {SIDENOTE: This whole time, Jessica thought Jason was a senior - but really he just worked at Samford doing freelance jobs and that's why she saw him there sometimes. She almost asked him if he was excited about graduation, but thankfully she didn't - that would have been embarrassing.} That night, a local church was hosting its annual Pancake Study Break, and Jason asked Jessica if she was going. She said, "Yes, it's actually my hall activity for this month," (she was an RA) and Jason said he'd see her there.

They saw each other at the study break, but just waved from a distance. Jessica's 21st birthday was later that week and her friend who had the screening, we'll call him Taylor, said that he was coming to her birthday dinner and was going to bring Jason. When she found this out, Jessica's stomach did a little somersault, but she didn't know why. As it turns out, Jason didn't make it to the birthday dinner - he decided to play basketball with some friends instead (it's okay he redeems himself later on in the story).

Jessica's 21st Birthday Dinner

After Jessica's birthday, she "friend requested" Jason on Facebook. They did a little Facebook "chatting", and some flirting on each others "walls". One night, while they were "chatting", there was a bit of a lull in the conversation and Jessica wasn't ready to stop talking. So, she told Jason her computer battery was acting strange (he worked at the Apple store). He told her to download some diagnostic thing, but he said that he'd make her a Genius Bar appointment the next day when he got to work - "If you give me your phone number, I can just text you the times that are available when I get there," he said. So, Jessica gave Jason her phone number.

After that, the two began texting a lot. Jessica was studying for finals, and she quickly realized that Jason had been out of school for a couple of years (she realized it without embarrassing herself, thankfully). She liked to study at Barnes and Noble at the Summit, and Jason came to meet her there after work a time or two. Over the next week or so, they became really good friends.

The week of finals, Jessica began to realize that she kind of liked Jason - probably as more than a friend - and he maybe liked her too. But, she was about to go back to Destin for the summer, and liking someone who lived in Birmingham would make things complicated; so they just continued to be friends.

Jessica realized right off the bat that Jason was an incredible guy. He did things like help her move out of her dorm room (even though she hadn't asked him to), and other little things that people don't usually volunteer to do (he always offered to drive, just little things like that).

Soon, the day came when it was time for Jessica to go home for the summer. Jason was sure that their friendship would end, or at least lessen, but it didn't! They continued to text throughout the day, even though they were five hours away and both working. The friendship seemed pretty resilient.

Jessica had a wedding to attend in Birmingham over Memorial Day weekend. She decided to come up a few days before the wedding to visit her friends that were staying in Birmingham over the summer. Naturally, this included Jason, and he caught on to that pretty fast. A few days before she arrived in Birmingham, he told her that his friend Kyle was playing in a show downtown and he'd love for Jessica to go with him.

Jessica arrived in Birmingham and spent the first evening with her friend, we'll call her MK. MK was going out of town the next day though, so Jessica was able to make plans with Jason. So, they spent the day together just going around and running errands. Remember Jessica's computer battery that she said was messed up to keep the conversation going? Well, she'd kept canceling the Genius Bar appointments that Jason had made her because she knew nothing was wrong with it. When she came up for the wedding, Jason decided that they could go together to get her battery looked at. Not so surprisingly, the Genius Bar dude told her nothing was wrong with it - go figure...

That night was the show that Kyle was playing in. Jessica went back to MK's house to change and say goodbye to MK. Then, without knowing it, Jason and Jessica began their first date, which included dinner at Rojo, walking around Morris Ave. in the rain, going to see Kyle play at Matthews Bar & Grill, and hanging out with friends at IHOP after the show.

Jessica and Jason were able to one more date (they had established it as a date by this point) in before she had to go home for the rest of the summer. It was the most perfect date Jessica had ever been on - and Jason was pretty happy with it too. The next morning, Jessica headed back to Destin. Unfortunately, their fear came true later on that week, and their friendship started to fizzle out a little bit because of the distance. They both agreed that they really enjoyed each other, but it wasn't  wise timing to start a relationship long distance.

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In August, Jessica returned to Birmingham for her senior year. Jessica was hopeful that she and Jason would be able to rekindle their friendship, even if they never went on another date. Thankfully, they ended up being around each other quite a bit because Jason was doing a lot of work at Samford and Jessica was on campus three weeks before classes started for RA training. They also had a lot of the same friends, and they went to the same church.

One night after school began, Jason called Jessica and asked her if she wanted to go with him to shoot a video for a friend who was about to release a new album and Jason was making a video for him to promote it. We'll call this friend Bobby. So of course, Jessica wanted to go. They had a great time just laughing and joking around together, and it seemed like their friendship was going to be able to pick up right where it had left off. They hung out with together with their group of friends a couple of nights in a row after that.

Then, Labor Day weekend came and Jessica was taking some of her girl friends home with her for a beach trip. Jason texted her the whole time that she was in Destin, and secretly, she liked that a lot. She thought that maybe her "more than friends" feelings were coming back, but she wasn't sure yet. When she got back from Destin on Labor Day, she was planning on having dinner with Taylor because she'd covered for him at work (they were both RAs) and he owed her dinner. As she was waiting for Taylor to come out to her car, she saw Jason drive by, park, and start walking toward them. He went to dinner with them as well! After dinner (at IHOP), Taylor had other plans, so Jason and Jessica decided to continue hanging out.

Then the hung out the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and they've basically been hanging out ever since.

Jason took Jessica on a couple of dates that were very "them". One was a cupcake date in the afternoon to Urban Standard - cupcakes and coffee are two of Jessica's favorite things. They also went to dinner a couple of times - and a movie or two. On September 22, 2010 Jason took Jessica on a special date. He blindfolded her and took her to Davenport's pizza because it's square (she'd told him that she liked square pizza - like the kind from elementary school). Then he blindfolded her again, and he took her to a movie. After the movie, she was blindfolded again and he took her to Sonic (according to Jason, a boy and a girl have to be a couple before they can go there at night together - that's the classic Samford after-date place to go). Before Jessica could take off the blindfold, Jason took her phone, and wrote this:

Then he said, "Okay, you can look now," and she did, and she said, "Yes! I'll be your girlfriend!" Then he handed her pink roses and they became "Facebook Official".

Exactly two years later, on September 22, 2012 (one month from today), Jessica will meet Jason at the alter, and they will vow to love each other forever, as husband and wife.

This may be the end of this story for now, but it's just the beginning for the {almost} Morales'!

{to find out more about the upcoming Sansom/Morales Wedding, make hotel reservations, look at their registries, get directions, and more, go to their wedding website}

What I've Been "Reading"

So, I guess I'll let the cat out of the bag - I'm a big fan of audiobooks.

I love reading, but with a 8:30-5:00 job, planning a wedding, extra work with the Alabama Baptist Children's Homes, a fiance who I'd like to give my attention to, and somewhat of a TV addiction, reading doesn't happen as often as I'd like. A couple of months ago I bought a Kindle e-reader. I love it, and I've used it quite a bit...but even so I keep coming back to my audiobooks.

Last week I picked up a book from my bookshelf that my sisters sent me for my 22nd birthday. It's called Esther: reflections from an unexpected life by Jennifer Spivey. I actually thought it was a study book when I picked it up, but as it so happens, it's actually a daily devotional. So far, I'm absolutely in love with this book. My mom did the Beth Moore study on Esther a couple of years ago, and ever since I've been dying to really dive into that book of scripture.

Last week I also renewed my library card so I could download more audiobooks on my iPhone to listen at work. Audiobooks that can be downloaded straight to the Overdrive app seem to be kind of limited, so I did a search for Karen Kingsbury books. I've never read any of her stuff, but I've heard good things about her books, so I decided to give one a try. I picked Oceans Apart, and so far I've hardly been able to take my headphones out :)

If you've been reading my blog for any period of time, you know that I struggle a lot with body image and self-esteem. I am constantly trying to find the balance of a healthier lifestyle. Two weeks ago I started "Insanity" in the mornings. I love it. Last week, I didn't do it once. I tend to be either all or nothing these days - but I'm really trying to find a balance.

Part of the reason that I didn't get up in the mornings last week was because of pure exhaustion. I was tired in every way possible: physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I kind of walked around in a bit of a trance all week too - so working out at 6:00 a.m. was definitely not on my radar (even though every night I set my alarm like I was going to get up and work out).

Both books that I'm "reading" have really helped me cope with self-esteem/body image stuff as welly as my exhaustion.

First, a few quotes from Jennifer Spivey:

God is in complete control of His creation. He is continuously working to see His purposes come to pass. Even behind the scenes, sometimes seemingly hidden from human eyes, God is in control. His providence -- His ACTION -- is especially important to search for His providence and action during the book of Esther, as His name is never mentioned. (p. 25)

In every detail, in every moment, God is there loving you, encouraging you, rejoicing with you, grieving with you...The Word tells us that apart from Him, we can do nothing. (p. 25)

It is in the Lord that was find out freedom, and keeping this hope in our hearts will keep us free to worship and serve Him without fear. (p. 26)

God saw me where I was, and He was interested in drawing me closer to him...He had created me. God knew, as I did  not yet know, that my personality was a part of His creation. Somehow, even chatty and clumsy and laughably imperfect, God would be able to use me. The wrong expectation had created anxiety. The right expectation had created peace. (p. 26)

James compares the Word of God to a mirror, showing us what we are and who we are. The wrong kind of expectation can turn our focus away from the Lord, and make us forget what we are supposed to look like: we will "immediately forget what kind of man" or woman we are. (p. 26-27)

If you find your personal expectations or the expectation of those around you a hindrance [to His glory], let them go! (p. 27)

In His providence, you were created with a specific purpose. In His love, you will find the tools you  need to fulfill that purpose. (p. 27)

The Lord wanted them to focus on the NOW situation, and not be consumed with the sadness and fear that might overtake them during the captivity. (p. 32)

Confidence in His love for you will free you from the opinions of the people around you. (p. 33)

If praise from people can build you up, then disapproval from those same people can tear you down. (p. 33)

The Bible says that the power of life and death are in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). It is so true. Please, friend, do not allow your life to be held captive by someone else's words: find your life in what the Lord has to say about you! (p. 34)

Even in emotional situations, getting some distance may mean gaining some perspective: stepping away for a period of time can make all the difference in the world. (p. 39)

Our God is sovereign. By definition, sovereign means supreme ruler, possessing ultimate power, able to act independently and without support or clearance from an outside source...Once we realize that God is sovereign, we must leave our lives in His hands. (p. 41)

If I had known beforehand what I would have had to walk through to receive the victory, I might have said, "NO THANKS!" and merely walked away, but God is more generous than to allow that. Sometimes, in this way, I can view my lack of information (lack of ability to judge my situation rightly) as a blessing in disguise...of course, there are are times (more often than I would like to admit!) when I allow that same lack of information to become a source of frustration. (pg. 41)

Okay, so maybe that was more than a few - but SO encouraging, right?

I won't tell you every little detail of the book by Karen Kingsbury, but I do want to touch on how I've related with it so far.

The basic storyline is that there's this married couple, completely in love. They have two daughters and their life together seems pretty perfect. His name is Connor and her name is Michelle. Then there's this single mom and 7-year-old boy who live across the country. The single mom dies in a plane crash early on in the book. Connor finds out that the little boy, Max, is actually his. He had an affair with Max's mom eight years before, but never knew that he'd gotten the girl pregnant, and didn't know that he had a son. He'd never told his wife about the affair because it was during a layover in Hawaii and he never saw or spoke to Max's mom again. So far, I think it's kind of a story of redemption and healing. There are a couple of relationships that are fine, but not great, and I think that by the end they'll all be restored - or at least that's what I'm hoping.

Here's where my feelings come in - 

Michelle immediately blames herself and the way she looks when she finds out about the affair. She thinks that if she had been thinner, had lost her baby weight, etc. that Connor would have stayed faithful to her. The book talks about her binge eating (eating an entire pack of Oreo's one day and drinking nothing but herbal tea the next and hiding food in her desk) and her on-again off-again dieting habits because of her lack of self-esteem and finding her identity in how she looks. At the beginning of the the book, before anything about the affair comes out, Connor thinks about how he loves how his wife looks, even though she's gained a little weight since they were married, he loves her and loves how she looks - to him, she is the MOST beautiful.

I'm at a point in my life where my expectations for myself just aren't realistic. If I were honest with myself, I would change about a dozen different things about my body if I could. I have a DEEP underlying fear that my fiance (almost husband) will someday wake up and find me unattractive after we get married - or worse - he'll find someone else that he's more attracted to than me. I can totally identify with Michelle - I would blame my weight and my outward appearance. (Note: Jason has never showed any sort of sign that he would ever do that, but it's just a fear that I have - no one freak out!)

I've already admitted several times in my blog that I'm an emotional eater. Here's something that I've realized though - I'm such an emotional eater that I actually emotionally eat because of my body-image issues! What the heck?!?

All of this just goes to show how out-of-whack our human perspective is. If I could do as Spivey said, and just gain some perspective, even in emotional situations, my life would probably look a lot different. I've also got to let go of the expectations that I have for myself. They're obviously dysfunctional and they're tearing me down.

Why am I writing about all of this today? Because I know I'm not the only one. The fact that BOTH books that I just happen to pick up and "read" right now talk about unrealistic and unbiblical expectations that women have on themselves. This tears us down and shows me that this is a common issue.

May we find rest in the power of His Word, His love, and His promises. There is hope in Christ, and there is confidence in Christ!

May we be freed from the darkness of our own expectations today.

Confidence in His love for you will free you from the opinions of the people around you.

Another Weekend has Come & Gone

What a wonderful weekend we had! We got to spend time with friends, each other, shop, relax, and work. After a whirlwind week at work for both Jason and me, we definitely needed some down time.

The last few weekends have been wonderful, but busy. They've been the kind of weekends where you need another weekend to catch up from the weekend.

As you all know, I'm right in the middle of planning my wedding. We are officially 68 days away! I feel like almost every conversation I have is full of wedding talk...and I love every minute of it! So far, I really have enjoyed every part of wedding planning. My mom and sisters have been INCREDIBLE at tackling all of the decorations for our ceremony and reception. I've handled the majority of booking things, big picture planning, and administrative things, such as getting the invitations prepared to go out.

Speaking of invitations...

off they go!

And here are a couple of other "sneak peaks" at what my mom has been working on:

flower pots pained by my sister

pales for the flower girls

flowers to go at the end of the pews in the chapel.
complete with sentimental broaches from my grandmother.

boutonnieres for all of the guys -- handmade by my mom and sisters

My mom and sisters seriously could go into business making this stuff! Every time they send me a picture I'm so stinkin' impressed! They have gone way above and beyond every expectation I could have imagined!

So far I've had the hardest time finding shoes to wear on my wedding day. I've probably bought and taken back five pairs of shoes. Finally, I decided to just wear the same shoes as my bridesmaids (red patten leather ballet flats) because I couldn't find exactly what I wanted. I wanted to wear flats, I wanted them to be red, I wanted a sandal, I wanted some sort of embellishment, and I didn't want flip flops because I don't want to make noise when I walk. I really didn't think this was too much to ask, but after five months and five pairs of shoes, I thought maybe it is too much to ask.

Yesterday, Jason and I decided to go out to the outlet mall in Leeds. We'd never been out there shopping, but we both love a good bargain, so we headed that way. While we were there, I stumbled upon these little babies -

THEY ARE PERFECT!

I'm literally almost as excited as I was after I bought my wedding dress.

So, I'll quit my wedding rambling - I'm sure there's a lot more of that once we get closer! If anyone has advice on how to not freak out (in a good way) every day that the wedding gets closer and completely obsess (again, in a good way) on the day just getting here, please pass it along to me!

Asheville Wedding Weekend Recap

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Well, hello everyone! I am back after my little vacation/blogging hiatus.

I appreciate all of the prayers from last week for Rock the Block. We had such a wonderful time sharing Jesus with all of those little kiddos. As I mentioned last week, Jason and I taught the lesson on Wednesday. It went really well, but those kids definitely kept me on my toes. Great responses were given and good questions were asked. What else could we have asked for?

We also had a guest "speaker" that day. Jude (age 11) came to share his testimony and lead the group in worship. Jude's dad, Jim, is the owner of Steel City Pops and a friend from our church. He surprised us all and broke out an awesome stash of pops for the whole Rock the Block group!

Jim handing out popsicles.

Thursday we headed off to camp at Shocco Springs. Jason had been hired by the Alabama Baptist Children's Homes to shoot b-roll and some interviews for foster parent promo videos. I used to be an intern with their organization, and I still help out at the Children's Homes doing communications. So, I got to help out with social media and shooting some photos at camp. I always forget how much I love being a part of the Children's Homes until I'm back in the thick of everything. Jason and I also loved working together! We hope that maybe someday we'll be called to do just that...

The lake at Shocco Springs

After we left camp, we stopped for dinner at Sonny's BBQ (a.k.a. Jason's favorite place in the world) on our way to Atlanta. Jason stuck to his usual BBQ chicken, while I hit up the pretty amazing salad bar.

When we got to Atlanta, we didn't waste any time...we went straight to IKEA (a.k.a. one of my favorite places). Jason said that since we'd both worked really hard all day, we could spend up to $100! We came out with some really great ideas, a couple items, and we only spent $50!

What I would like our kitchen to look like someday.

What I would like our bed to look like...we bought the curtain and curtain rod!

After IKEA, we went to Jason's best friend from childhood's house. She and her husband live in such a cute little home in Atlanta. We had a great time visiting with her, and we're so thankful she opened up her adorable home to us.

Friday morning we hit the ground running. We were on the road by 9:00 (Atlanta time...so 8:00 to us) after a brief search for a Dunkin Donuts (COFFEE).

I drove most of the way to Asheville, NC, which actually ended up being really fun. I don't know why, but sometimes I just really really enjoy driving and then other times I hate it. I'm weird, I know...

We arrived in Asheville and went straight to Men's Wearhouse to pick up Jason's tux for the wedding. We had to hang around that area for a little while because they had the wrong size pants for Jason (try six sizes too big)...but that was okay with us. After we were done there, we drove around Asheville a little bit and snuck into a Sheraton to use their public restrooms to change for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner (hey, at least it was clean...that's all I've got to say about that). We attempted going to the Biltmore...but after seeing the $60/person price tag, we decided we'd come back when we could make a day out of it (we only had about an hour and a half).

The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner were fun and beautiful. It was great for Jason and I to see a lot of friends.

Jason and the groom.

Sarah and Cameron practicing their "I do".

Jason and I at the rehearsal dinner.

Samford groomsmen picture with the groom.

Saturday was the big day! Jason met up with the groomsmen at the mall in Asheville, which was 100% okay with me since that meant I got to shop! I found some great deals on what I'm calling "cruise clothes" (basically shorts, shirts, and dresses for our honeymoon cruise). I got Jason some "cruise clothes" too! His swim shorts ripped last time we were in Destin, so I found some on sale while I was shopping. They are the "Speedo" brand, but they're just normal board shorts. You should have seen Jason's face when he heard I bought him "Speedo" swim shorts :) I also got a pair of sandals for $3...how can you beat that? You just can't.

It was time for the wedding! I'll just sum up the whole thing with a couple of bullet points:

• Sarah looked incredibly beautiful
• Cameron is a super blessed guy
• Jason looked awesome in his tux (even if it was a little big on him)
• The food was good
• The friends were great
• I'm overly excited for The Free's! 

Being at Sarah and Cameron's wedding made me realize that my wedding is getting super close! I spent a lot of time on the phone with my mom this weekend going through decoration ideas and wedding plans. She even made all of the boutonnieres (along with a bunch of other really cool stuff)!

Red burlap boutonnieres for the guys.

Aren't they awesome?!

Monday, Jason and I went to our first pre-marital counseling session. I was really excited about beginning this phase of our engagement, and it definitely lived up its expectation. We really loved it and are so thankful for Pathway's Professional Counseling and their services in providing Christian counseling to Alabama. I can't wait to go back next week!

And with all of that said...GUESS WHAT?

Only 87 days until I'm Mrs. Morales!

Happy 50th!

As you all know, yesterday was Father's Day. I was so excited that Jason and I got the privilege of spending this Father's Day with Jason's dad. Although we had a great time, I missed my dad a lot.

My dad turns 50 in a couple of weeks (sorry Dad, secrets out). So, in honor of his upcoming birthday and Father's Day, I'm dedicating my 50th blog post to him!

My dad is such a trooper. He has three daughters and a wife. Sometimes a family of all girls will end up having some girly-girls and some kind of sporty-girls. Not my family...we're all girly.

My parents on Thanksgiving. My dad made the carrot cake from scratch!

My dad has spent thousands of hours shopping with us. He's spend hundreds of hours at dance recitals and competitions. He also randomly comes home with chocolate (good tip for any husband/father out there, come home with chocolate). My dad is from a family of four boys and one girl. All of the boys were very athletic and they love sports! I played soccer in elementary school and then hung up my cleats for point shoes. Carlee and Julia took a brief swing at softball, but again, they traded in their bats for jazz booties, sparkly outfits, and even some voice lessons for theater.

The night Jason and I got engaged. My dad getting in on the conversation.

But, my dad and I do have a special connection - college football. Alongside all of the many hours my dad has spent doing girly things, we've also logged a good bit of time watching college football together. My sisters don't get that into it, and sometimes my mom watches with us, but college football is something my dad and I have always watched together. Just thinking about this makes me wish that football season would hurry up and get here!

A few weeks ago a man who works near me brought his daughter to work. It was so cute to see them interact for an hour or two before the work day ended. I texted my dad and told him about it, and how I remember going to work with him as a child. I am so thankful for all of the memories that we have shared, and will share in the future.

To sum it all up, my dad is a blessing. He has shown me such an wonderful example of what it looks like to be a serving husband who reveres the Lord and loves well. He's shown me what it means to be a gentle dad who can lead a family through humble leadership. He's shown me what it means to be a servant and a provider for a family. He's shown me what it looks like to sacrifice for your children, to go cling to the gospel of Jesus Christ, to always pray first, and to live a life that consistently demonstrates God's love to everyone (even when it's hard).

One of the ways I knew Jason was the guy for me is I thought about what our lives could look like down the road and what our (very) future children might say about him. I could imagine them saying things that are similar to what I say about my dad. They say that many times girls marry men who have similar qualities of their dad, and I sure do see so many reflections of my dad's character in Jason. I am blessed that both of the men who will lead me share the qualities that make them each indescribably wonderful.

I really wanted to put a picture of my dad and I when I bought my dress, but Jason reads my blog...Hey Jason!

As excited as I am about the wedding in September, I think that I am more excited that I get to start a life with a man who is a servant, a provider, self-sacrificing, gospel centered, always praying, and loving. When my dad gives me a way, I'm confident that he'll have no doubt that he's giving me away to a man very much like himself.

Anyway, Happy Father's Day, Dad (sorry this is a day late)!

My dad and I when I graduated for Samford. That was such an exciting day!

...and Roll Tide :)