On Marriage - Part One

Hey guys, I'm back. Thanks for being patient with me. Here's Part One of a two part series about some of my experiences and observations about marriage. If you're single, dating, or engaged, keep reading. This is for you too!

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I've wanted to be married since before I understood what marriage was. At first I thought it was just something you called really loving another human being. When I was six, I told both of my sisters I wanted to marry them. Obviously, that's a problem - but as a young child I just knew I wanted to be married, receive an inconceivable amount of love, and pour out love in the same way.

As I got older, I watched movies that ended in a wedding and a "happily ever after". We can blame Disney and fairytale stories, but I things that those things are good for kids. At the core, I wanted my happily ever after and yearned for it like nothing else.

Me. Dressed up like Cinderella. Age 4.

When I was in middle school, I had a "boyfriend" who was really just basically my best friend. We went to movies together and hung out on the weekends and I always had someone to be partners with at school. But to me, having a boy in my life whom I cared about greatly meant marriage in my book (sorry if that person is reading this and feeling totally awkward right now). But again, at 11, 12, and 13-years-old, I just wanted to love and be loved. I wanted my happily ever after.

Moving into high school, I handled the whole dating thing all wrong (again, sorry to anyone who may read this and was a part of that season of life). I always "liked" a boy and was constantly trying to catch their attention. In the second half of high school, I had a steady boyfriend, and I calmed down a bit. But my goal was marriage, just like it always had been. I wanted my happily ever after.

Upon moving to Birmingham and starting college, I still had the same boyfriend. We were long distance for about two years, and then we ended things. It was at this point in my life that I took a good, long, hard look at my life, my priorities, and just the things that I valued. During the breakup of a relationship that spanned two seasons of life and over three years, the hardest thing to let go of was the idea of marriage being my next step.

When I set out on this journey of self-examination, I realized that I was living to be married. Almost 20 years of my life had been spent working toward one thing - marriage. I was ready to see the result of this goal, even if it meant being with the wrong person for way too long. I wanted my happily ever after more than I wanted genuine happiness or true joy.

At some point along the way, I realized that the desire to be married was not a bad thing in and of itself - in fact, I sincerely believe that it was a God-given desire. But like any good thing, my sinful flesh had twisted and manipulated this desire into an idol.

After my breakup, a lot of people told me that as soon as I stopped looking for the right guy, he'd show up. Maybe that was good advice in one regard because I was so intent on meeting my future husband and getting married as I simultaneously walked across the stage to receive my diploma. But in other ways, it was detrimental to my mental health.

I still had a desire to get married. I still "liked" a guy, or multiple guys, always (hey, I'm just being real with you...I'm not proud of this). I still would walk in a room full of college students or recent grads at a church event or party and think to myself, "Maybe I'll meet 'him' tonight."

So you see, it was close to impossible for me to stop "looking" because I did have this desire planted, in fact rooted, deep within my being.

Eventually, I did go to an event at Samford, and I ended up sitting next to this really funny, super cute guy named Jason. We had some mutual friends and we'd met a few times before, but we'd never really had a full conversation.

We're married now (thanks Red Horse). And thankfully by now we've had a full conversation.

There is something that I didn't realize until recently though. I want to share that something with you because I think it's vital for every person to see - male, female, married, single, dating, engaged, whatever.

That thing is this: Our journey to accomplishing our goals, achieving our dreams, and pursuing out hopes writes the story of our life. For many of us, that's a beautiful story of grace, redemption, joy, and restoration. But along with this, we pick up some baggage along the way. And that baggage follows us all the way down the aisle, it stands next to us as we say our vows, and it jumps in our luggage as we leave for our honeymoon.

Marriage doesn't make our past disappear.

So how do we deal with this? How do we reconcile with our past? How do we reconcile with our significant other's past? And how to we walk forward in life/marriage/relationships knowing that we're bringing our past with us? What does this look like practically?

I'm glad you asked...but, you'll have to wait until tomorrow for Part Two.