Hiatus

Hello friends!

I'm going to be taking about a 10 day blog hiatus. I've decided that I need to spend some time just working on me, my marriage, my relationship with Christ, and allow myself to be filled up again.

I am confident that the Lord will be faithful to provide what I need over the next few days.

I never want my blog to become a source of pride, nor do I want to ever be insincere in anything I write on here. I always want to make sure that I'm transparent and truthful with you.

The Pinterest Lotto

Before I get started with today's blog post, let me just offer up a huge THANK YOU to everyone who read this. Yesterday I tweeted that I was just a few views away from 7,000 - and this morning I was at 7,008 views. This is the 130th post in my blog's existence, so that is an average of 54 views per post. That's INSANE considering I just started this blog to get out my thoughts out and maybe have one person who can relate to me know that they're not alone in this journey. I never could have imagined that in just over a year I'd have this many views. You guys have seen me through a lot - and I thank you, sincerely, for your support! 

Verse of the Day: "For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:8-11

Today I want to address the issue of discernment. So buckle up, let's get started. 

One of my favorite bloggers/authors/tweeters is Jon Acuff. I started following him my senior year of college when Jason showed me his "Monday Morning Memo"  insertion. The Monday Morning Memo goes out to all Samford Journalism/Mass Communications (JMC) alumnae (alumni?) and is written by a Samford JMC alum. Jon Acuff writes the Stuff Christians Like blog, which is now also a book. Then he wrote the Quitter book, which is awesome and you should read it. Yesterday he just launched his book Start, which I pre-ordered and I'm really excited to get in the mail. Anyway, I'm a fan, and if you've never read anything of his, you should at least go follow him on Twitter. 

Moving on...

Last October, Jon wrote a blog called "The Pinterest Bible" on Stuff Christians Like. In this post, he called out all those ascetically pretty, inaccurate, quote pictures that are all over Pinterest that reference a bible verse but are not found in the bible anywhere. 

Initially, I laughed at the post, because it's funny, and kind of wrote it off. I thought that I knew the Word enough to not get caught up in mistaking a fluffy, man-made, quotes for God's Word. It simply would never happen. 

And then it did. 

So now, I play a fun little game I like to call the Pinterest Lotto. 

Our generation, and even the generation before and after ours, is totally caught up in the Pinterest world. It really it like an entire world within a world. You can find anything - including what everyone's wedding will look like someday (hey, I'm not sayin' it's a bad thing...my entire wedding was planned out on Pinterest 3 months before Jason proposed...I'm just as guilty as the next girl). 

Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE Pinterest. Like I just said, I had my entire wedding planned on Pinterest before I was engaged, and it was also a great resource once I was engaged. I have gotten so many DIY ideas from Pinterest that have saved Jason and I lots of money. I have gotten cleaning times, photography tips, and so much more - it really is a great resource! 

But we have to be discerning. 

And that's why I play the Pinterest Lotto. 

This is how the game works: Every time I see something on Pinterest reference a bible verse, I guess if it's real or not real. I've learned that there's about a 65% chance it'll be real, 20% chance it'll be a "sum it up in your own words" type thing, and 15% chance it'll be way off and not even close to what the bible actually says in that book, chapter, and verse. If I'm write, I give myself a point (meaning I pin something new). I don't really know how this is a "lotto" in the traditional meaning of the word "lotto", but it sounds fun so I ran with it.

So let's play.

In the bible? Or not in the bible?

In the bible? Or not in the bible?

In the bible? Or not in the bible?

In the bible? Or not in the bible?

In the bible? Or not in the bible?

Answer key:

1. In the bible.  "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." - Matthew 5:16 (ESV)
2. Not in the bible! "But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians 15:57 (ESV)
3. In the bible. "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." - John 14:18 (ESV)
4. Not in the bible! "Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need." - Malachi 3:10 (ESV)
5. In the bible. "looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrews 12:2 (ESV)

How'd you do? 

Those were pretty simple, but what about finding truth in encouraging statements that don't reference a bible verse? How do we know if it's biblically sound encouragement?

I was looking for something specific on Pinterest the other day and I came across this:

It honestly made me stop in my tracks to think...is this true? Is this biblical? Do I need to obtain endurance and encouragement from this statement?

I was about halfway done writing the post about looking through things in Philippians 4:8 filter when I came across this, so I decided to use that method to discern if this was a true form of encouragement or not.

I came to the conclusion that it's not - and here's why: The bible says that we don't know what will happen tomorrow.

"Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." - James 4:14-17

Just as an example, think about the horrific events that happened last week in Boston. Think about those who were just so happy to go to bed and wake up on Tuesday after the nightmare they'd lived on Monday. If they put their hope in tomorrow, what happens when Boston shuts down because of shooting on MIT's campus just a few days later? What happens when event after event after event happens in the middle of the night and we all wake up to hear these horrible reports on the news? We cannot put our hope in tomorrow - tomorrow is not guaranteed. 

Our attitude should be "if the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." (James 4:15). 

I say all of this to urge you to be discerning. Be discerning about what you read, its context, its origin, its truth. Be discerning about what you watch, about what you see, and about what you do. Is it glorifying to God? If you question if it is or not, go back and use the Philippians 4:8 filter. 

May we learn to truly rest in God's truth alone, and be a people who is discerning about what the world tries to teach us instead. And when on Pinterest, let's play the Pinterest Lotto :)

Community Among Us

Verse of the Day: "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." - Hebrews 10:24-25

This weekend was full of wonderful community. 

Friday we literally did nothing. I fell asleep on the couch at about 6:30 and woke up about two hours later to Jason bringing me dinner. I really have the best husband ever. 

Saturday Jason had to work so I got my hair cut, met my sister for lunch, got my car washed at the Phi Mu car wash, and then Jason and I met up with our friends Mandi and Bill for a photoshoot. Mandi plays a lot of coffee shops and venues in Birmingham and she needed some updated photos for posters and promo materials. We had a great time in Helena just hanging out with them and taking pictures.

After we finished up, we headed downtown for dinner at Surin - one of our all time favorites!

Yesterday we took it slow in the morning, spent some time in the sunshine, and went to church. After church we spent some time with friends at dinner - the perfect end to our social weekend.

All roads lead to Target these days.

Jason and I spent the first few months of our marriage questioning whether or not God wanted us to be in Birmingham. He'd be looking for a full-time videography job or something in music, and nothing had really come to fruition. Sometimes it's hard to have contentment after you go through a whirlwind of a year with all the traveling Jason did, our engagement, and our wedding. Over and over again God just confirmed to us that we were right where we were called to be.

Since then, we've made a decision to be intentional about nurturing the friendships we have in Birmingham. Weekends like the past one are so sweet because we know that we're being obedient to what and where God has called us to be. It's allowed us to be settled and peaceful. We even enjoy our little ole apartment :) 

A peaceful end to our weekend at home.

Lovin' our new candles.

How was your weekend? Were you busy or was it laid back? Did you spend it getting some r&r or were you a social butterfly? 
 

 

P.S. If you ever have any need for a photographer or videographer, visit the A Morales Production Website here.

What kind of filter are you using?

I keep being drawn back to this idea of filtering. In fact, last night Jason and I even had to go buy a new water filter for our fridge (ours was a casualty of last week's fridge fiasco). Many times, God uses repetition to get our attention. So, when I kept hearing the same phrase used over and over again, I knew that I needed to apply it to my life out of obedience.

When I was reading Made to Crave this excerpt from chapter 14 really stuck out to me:

"What about you? Do you have something from your past that causes emotional emptiness? As a first step toward healing, can you think of one thing good from this past situation? Or maybe something good that has happened despite the pain from the event? If not, ask God to give you some good place to park your mind with this draining issue from your past. Then, try walking through the following exercise based on Philippians 4:8.
Whatever is true...
Whatever is noble...
Whatever is right...
Whatever is pure...
Whatever is lovely...
Whatever is admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy...
Piece by piece, God has created a mosaic in my heart—one of restoration, healing, and compassion. I am the person I am today in part because of the hurt of being left behind by my dad. I wouldn’t have chosen that piece of my mosaic, but how good of God to place right beside the hurt a clear piece of glass shaped like those warm icicles from so long ago. A memory I can think on. A memory that fills me better than any piece of chocolate cake or nacho chips. A memory that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. And filling."

Source

So, I finished that book and about a week later I attended the women's workshop at church. When talking about renewing our minds, this is what I learned:

Step 1: Remember the ABC...
Actuating Event - things that we cannot control; triggers that cause tough emotions to flair up; "pop ups" like from AOL in 1999
Beliefs/Thoughts about the Event - we recognize more of the emotions rather than the actual belief
Consequences of Those Beliefs - emotions; physical actions; what stems from these thoughts?
Disputing False Beliefs with the truth - know the truth; know God's Word; identify the truth based on God's Word
Effect New Consequences - emotions that are manifested out of the knowledge of the truth from God's Word

Step 2: Identify...
What are my emotions? Are they true?

Step 3: Filter...
Philippians 4:8 test - Is it [my emotions or my feelings that are troubling] true? Is it honorable? Is it just? Is it pure? Is it lovely? Is it commendable? Is it excellent? Is it worthy of praise?

Step 4: Replace...
If the answer to the above question is "no", then take off the "old self" and put on "new self" (Colossians 3:9-10). Be ready with weapons to replace your "old self" (aka God's Word).

Step 5: Accountability...
We cannot renew our minds by yourself. Surround yourself with people who are encouragers, not discouragers. Surround yourself with people who will speak truth into your life.

As I mentioned in my Mad Men post from yesterday, about 24 hours after this workshop, I was sitting on my couch watching TV Sunday night when I started to feel sick to my stomach. I thought about the "Philippians 4:8 Filter". I knew the verse, but I'd never heard it called that before. Then, in two weeks, it was being brought to my attention over and over. So, I took the hint and went through it.

Is this show true? No. It's not real life. Real life probably never has to will look like this.
Is this show honorable? No. As how that allows infidelity to be okay is not honorable to my husband. It's polluting my mind.
Is it just? No. He never gets caught. Or his wife is just okay with it. That's stupid. Both of them are stupid.
Is it pure? No way. This isn't hard. Adultery in any form is not pure - EVER.
Is it lovely? No, it's making me sick just watching it.
Is it commendable? No. No explanation needed.
Is it excellent? No. See above.
Is it worthy of praise? No. Not by me. Maybe some crazy gross men would think so, but according to God's Word, the only thing that I should praise are things that are given by God. Adultery is the opposite.

Thus yesterday's blog post was written.

So, that all seems kind of obvious, right? Like, it's not hard to figure out that if your mind is being effected by something that is externally being put into it, like a TV show, then turn the TV show off. But, what about things that are internally polluting our mind? How are we supposed to renew our minds and filter through the good and the bad in those circumstances?

The same way.

For example, I really want a house. Jason and I live in an apartment now, and it's a great apartment but I just really am tired of living there and I want a house. But, we've only been married for seven months, we're both just beginning our careers, and houses are a huge and an expensive investment.

So, how to I filter through my obsession of driving through neighborhoods almost on a daily basis and getting the "gimme wants"?

Yeah, I have 146 pins for what I want in a home.
It's not something I'm proud of.
Look at this board here.

Is this show true? Yes, eventually Jason and I will buy a house...Lord willing.
Is this show honorable? Yes. We want to buy a house big enough for the family we dream of having someday.
Is it just? Yes. Maybe not right now - it's not justifiable - because we still have time left on our lease and we're in the middle of saving for a down payment.
Is it pure? Yes and no. Yes, I want a house because I want to fill both extra bedrooms with a child someday. No, right now we don't NEED it and I really would like to have a house because that's what I want. I want more space. I was to show it off. I want others to come over and say, "Oh you have such a beautiful house!"
Is it lovely? Yes. After I finish decorating. Just kidding. But yes, buying a home with my husband with the money that God has blessed us with is a lovely thing...in His timing.
Is it commendable? Yes. It's a huge step forward. It's a huge investment. To be able to purchase a home is utilizing the blessings that God has given us with our jobs and our ability to manage and save money well.
Is it excellent? Yes. I hope so.
Is it worthy of praise? Again, yes and no. Yes, we will absolutely praise God for our home. I am confident that He will provide. But no, we don't deserve praise for it - it will truly be a gift from God.

Based on that, if I were someone else looking at my answers, I'd tell me that my obsession with buying a house isn't unhealthy, but I probably need to dial it down until the time comes. I need to renew my mind to focus on having contentment in our apartment and in this place of not having the responsibility of being a homeowner. That gives us more time without the financial pressures just to grow in our marriage.

So I ask you today, what kind of filter are you using? Are there things in your life that you need to put through the Philippians 4:8 Filter? Do you need to renew your mind, your heart, and/or your spirit? Is there something that is keeping you down, causing a pit in your stomach that you can't quite put your finger on, that needs to be dealt with?

Put it through the filter. Let the Lord work on you. Surround yourself with those who are encouraging and not discouraging. Spend time allowing truth to saturate your mind. Spending time in communication with Christ today.

Married, Morals, & Mad Men

I work in advertising.

I have a degree in journalism/mass communication, and my concentration in college was public relations and advertising.

I watch Mad Men.

I've watched Mad Men for about two years (thanks Netflix).

Source

For five seasons, I've watched Mad Men completely encompassed by the lives of fake advertising executives. I imagined that this is what life must have looked like while my parents were children. I envisioned my grandparents back then. I imagined what I would be like if I lived in that time period.

I was a fan.

Season six started three weeks ago. I've made a decision to give it up.

This isn't some sort of "I've giving it up for lent" type thing. I'm not giving it up because it distracts too many other aspects of my life, nor am I unable to function because of my fandom of this show. In fact, my decision to give up Mad Men is actually pretty easy.

So, here's the big question: Why? Why am I giving up a show that I like? Why am I giving up a show that probably won't be around much longer - why not just finish it out?

My answer: Because I got married.

Before you quit reading, hear me out on this.

Jason and I have never been the type of people who blame things on marriage. We haven't cut off all communication with the opposite sex because we got married. We don't ignore people we work with if they address us or say "hello". We didn't quit our individual relationships with God and protest that we can only pray together now that's we're married. We didn't quit hanging out with friends by ourselves because we got married. In fact, our lives are surprisingly the same externally since we got married seven months ago.

Internally, not so much.

I've noticed that over these last few months, it's been a lot harder for me to watch movies like P.S. I love You. Before I got married, I probably shed a tear or two while watching sappy movies like that, but now I literally have to turn them off. Although I don't know exactly why that is, I have an inkling that it has something to do with being able to identify with the character. Now, as a married woman, I cannot image the pain of being Hilary Swank and losing Gerard Butler because I cannot image the pain of Jessica Morales losing Jason Morales.

I think the same is true when it comes to Mad Men.

Now, this theory is not universal - there are so many cracks in it so please don't hold me to it! But the constant infidelity, the constant unrealistically realistic drama, the lack of honor and nobility - it's all just become too much for me.

I was reminded of Colossians 3:5 on Saturday at a workshop I attended at church.

"Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."

It hit me 24 hours later as I was sitting on my couch watching Don Draper cheat on his (second) wife  for the billionth time that I'm polluting my brain. If I can't bear to watch Hilary lose Gerard, how in the world am I able to sit and watch Don defile the covenant of marriage?

So many times I've just set aside immoral things in TV shows or in movies, and I'm not saying that I never will again, but for some reason I just felt sick to my stomach as I watched the third episode of season six Sunday night.

In Genesis 6, in the beginning of the story of Noah, the bible says, "The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart." 

I really just want to keep this simple and stay clear of the deep theological study of what it means that the Lord "regretted" since I firmly believe in God's Omniscience. So let's look at this practically for a second.

There came a point in time when either all, or the majority of people on the earth had a heart that contained only evil and that their thoughts and intentions were evil as well (The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil). This was something that was continuous and wasn't changing over time (continually). The Lord then regretted that He'd made man on the earth and it grieved God and broke His heart (And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart). Immediately after these two verses, the bible says that God decided to wipe out, not only the human race, but all animals and living creatures - thus we have the story of Noah. God was creating a blank canvas by preserving faithful Noah and his family and two of each animal (Genesis 6-9).

Now, I don't know about you, but I already am a wretched sinner. I deserve death each day for the person I am, but for the glorious mercy of the cross. Many times, I don't necessarily mean to sin, it just happens and when I realize it, I feel horrible. Sometimes it's uncontrollable and I just have hateful feelings toward someone or something. So, for me to sit on my couch on a Sunday night and deliberately fill my mind with images, speech, and thoughts of things that are "earthy," "immoral," "impure," "evil," and "covetous," I'm basically just setting myself up for God to look at me, shake His head, and think that I am continually sinning on purpose.  

I can control what I watch on TV, and I should. 

Do you have a "Mad Men" in your life? Do you have something that you watch, listen to, or read that you know is not true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellence, or worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8)? I urge you to contemplate what you're putting in your mind and reflect on how it's effecting your heart. 

 

Weekend in Review & Post Cleanse Update

Verse of the Day: What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." - 2 Corinthians 6:16

-------------

Weekend in Review:

The Morales' have another great weekend for the books. Friday night we went to StadiumFest and Switchfoot played. I honestly don't know what I did to get be so blessed as to see both of my favorite bands within a week of each other. Jason and I both LOVE Switchfoot, but we've never seen them together. Thankfully, not only did we get to see a great show together, it was also free. It was awesome.

Me with Jon Foreman when I saw Swithfoot without Jason last year.

StadiumFest with my guy. He's such a stud.

Ahhhh! Switchfoot!!

Getting to see Switchfoot together was such a treat! Man, I love this man :)

Saturday Jason worked and I went to a workshop at church. The workshop was called "Faithfully Feminine" and it seriously was something that I needed and didn't even know it. Do you ever do that? I signed up last weekend on a whim and then I really didn't want to go and talked myself out of going a couple of times. The workshop lasted from 9:00-5:00 so it was basically a workday - and that's the part I wasn't looking forward to. But, I went, along with a friend, and about an hour into everything I knew that I was exactly where God wanted me to be - I'm so thankful for a sovereign Lord. I want to take a few days to blog about some things that I learned, so be on the lookout for that over the next week or so. 

Saturday night Jason and I went to the new coffee shop in Homewood called Seeds. It's pretty cool and our friends Mandi and Audrie were playing at the grand opening. They had good coffee, obviously good music, and we had fun with some friends as well. It's always nice to get out and spend time with friends. We even ended up at Waffle House afterward and I totally had a college flashback - good times.

Audrie (left) and Mandi (right). Our insanely talented friends.

Sunday was rainy and gross so we went to see the Jackie Robinson movie, relaxed, grocery shopped, and then I cleaned and Jason went to a meeting for work. Even though we didn't do a lot, it was a much needed day. 

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Post Cleanse Update:

I lost a total of six pounds - which I'm happy with. This weekend I pretty much didn't follow the cleanse but instead, I opted to eat healthy and just tried to focus on transitioning back into a really healthy eating pattern. Friday was a rough day for me with the whole tomato-eating thing. In conjunction with the gross tomatoes, I also had some personal things going on that were upsetting, so it was just kind of a double shot of feeling like this cleanse was for the birds. 

All in all, I'm happy with the results of this cleanse, but I doubt I'll do it again. I like eating healthy, but the lack of protein was really hard on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm happy to have added meat back into my life, that's for sure. 

As always, I'll continue blogging about my progress on this journey that I'm on. I will admit that the decision to stop the cleanse was an emotional decision, but I came to the realization that emotions are a component of all of this. Now, that doesn't mean that what we like to call "emotional eating" is necessarily a good thing, because many times we do eat instead of running to God with our emotions. That, in turn, builds our comfort food into an idol.

But, to me, keeping up with the cleanse when I was incurring some tough emotions was more distressful and doing me more harm than it was good. So, after much prayer throughout the day, I made the decision to end the cleanse early and enjoy the weekend, while still maintaining healthy eating habits.

All of that being said, keep praying for me as I walk through this journey. This is a marathon, a lifelong marathon, and it's not a race. This is finding my identity in what's eternal and not focusing on the temporary (if you know anything about Joy Be, there's a little throwback rap for ya).

Have a great Monday, and it definitely feels like a Monday!

I've blogged to you...
Now you can blogbacktome

Day 4: Thoughts on being a farmer-girl

Verse of the Day: "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!" - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Friends, we made it to Day Four. Today is my last day without eating meat, and I couldn't be more excited. So far, I've made it through two bananas, one glass of milk, and one yogurt without gagging. Tomorrow by this time, there may be a different story (tomato day).

I seriously feel like a farmer carrying mason jars of skim milk in my lunch box.
I guess farmers probably wouldn't have skim milk though, right?

Last time I did this cleanse I didn't eat yogurt, even though the plan clearly states that I can. This time, I decided to change it up and do eight bananas, four glasses of milk, and four yogurts. I'll let you know how that goes.

Just as I suspected, yesterday went as okay as it could - it was just a blah kind of day. I ate my fruits and veggies all day and then I met Jason at Jason's Deli for dinner. I really love their salad bar, so sticking to just ordering the salad bar wasn't hard for me. Leaving out a lot of the salad bar yummy-ness and walking out of the restaurant without my free fro-yo in hand was hard...very very hard.

When we got home, we did our usual, Jason works on a video project for a while and I watch my TV shows and practice my game of distracting Jason while not blatantly distracting Jason. My game is quite fun - I might laugh a little louder than normal when he's wearing headphones to see if he looks up or maybe walk in a circle around our living room, dining room, kitchen twice to see if he asks what I'm doing. Usually he doesn't notice, but last night when I burst into tears out of no where right in the middle of Modern Family, his focus was immediately shifted.

You see, it's really easy for me to write about my problems, my struggles, and what I'm feeling. I can go back, rewrite, reword, or altogether delete things in a blog post, journal entry, or letter. Real life talking doesn't work that way though, and so I'm always much more inclined to stick with written words. That being said, I've never fully explained to Jason my deepest darkest feelings about my battle with weight and food. That sounds stupid - we've been married for almost seven months - but it's just a lot easier to talk about other important things. We've definitely discussed it, just not to its full extent. My abrupt breakdown last night left no more room for avoiding it though, it was time for a real talk.

I don't know how much time we spent talking, maybe an hour or so, but I definitely felt better afterward. I was not any less hungry and unfortunately I didn't grow some incomprehensible amount of self-esteem from our conversation, but I just felt better. I felt like I had an ally in this thing (see the Verse of the Day).

I'll never post my full spectrum of issues with this battle on a blog, those thoughts are mine and some of them aren't meant to be shared with everyone. You all should know that I'm a pretty open book though, so always feel free to blogbacktome and ask me any questions you may have. But, because I'll always withhold some level of vulnerability, my reasoning behind the intensity of all of this might seem incomplete to some of you. I know that some of you probably think I'm a bit wacky, and that's probably true, but this cleanse and this eating right thing is something that I just have to do. I could list off at least 10 reasons right now about why I have to do it, but the main thing is that it's just out of obedience to God. Honestly, no more explanation is necessary past that.

Today makes me feel like I'm back in 2012 writing "Ramble" because I feel like I'm just rambling on and on right now - sorry. I just feel that it's important to be transparent about what emotions are being brought to the surface through this cleanse just for anyone else who can identify with me.

So, if that's you, know this: It's okay to talk about "the why's". It's okay to break down and cry or to be angry. Just make sure that at the end of the day, you follow in obedience to what God is calling you to do.

As for the rest of the day, I'll be eating my bananas and yogurt and drinking my milk. If you eat a hamburger or some ice cream, say a quick prayer for me - I'd do something crazy for either of those things right now.

Here's my food count from yesterday:

The totals:

The water consumption:

Farmer Jessica is signing off for the day...over & out.

I've blogged to you...
Now you can blogbacktome

Day 3: Birmingham's A-Bloomin' & A Tough Day & Good News

Verse of the Day: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him.” - Lamentations 3:22-24

What a beautiful sight it is to drive around Birmingham right now. Although I'm not particularly enjoying all of the pollen covering my car and coating the inside of my sinuses, the blooming trees and flowers are really a treat. 
 

Flowers and trees around our apartment complex/along my drive to work

Now, I don't understand all the ins and outs of how pollen is created, why it's created, or any of that stuff (actually, I just Googled it and tried to learn about it but my eyes started glazing over so I decided to just admit my ignorance). But all this beautiful (yellow sprinkled) nature really made me think as I drove home from work yesterday. 

There is such a complex system to which God allows the flowers to bloom - it's biological, it's scientific, it's perfect, it's a miracle. At the same time, there is a complex system to which God allows our bodies to work - it's biological, it's scientific, it's perfect, it's a miracle. 

That was exactly the "ah-ha" moment I needed to have a truth to cling to last night, because when I got home, things got rough. 

I had done really well living on veggies all day. I got really hungry right before lunch - like I thought I was going to pass out hungry - but I still didn't cheat. I'd basically stayed in a state of "I think I'm going to pass out" for the rest of the afternoon. When I got home, thinks only got worse. 

A few weeks ago, our ceiling started leaking right above our kitchen sink. When I got home, this is what I found...

Y'all that was one of the grossest cleanups ever.

I was not a happy camper.

Then I realized that half of that gross looking water was chicken broth from the chicken that I had put in the crock pot for Jason - the crock pot had a huge crack in it. 

When Jason got home, I was about at my whits end. When he found out that I'd felt like I was going to pass out for the last 5 hours, he forced me to eat some of his dinner (thanks Jason) alongside my large-and-in-charge salad. I decided not to argue, mainly because I didn't have enough energy to, but I think that he made a smart decision. I also ate a few crackers just to settle my stomach.

Jason's dinner is in the background...thanks for sharing J!

We spent most of the evening 'working' on our own stuff - Jason really did work on a video for work and I  read for fun (I love post college life). I really love nights like this because we're able to be together, smile at each other, talk when we have something to say, but still do our own thing. It truly is one of the many gifts of married life. 

Look how handsome he looks sittin' behind his computer makin' that money ;)

After a while of working on our own stuff, we went to Target to get a new crock pot because, if you know me even a little bit you know that I can't live without a crock pot (first-world problems, I know). Thankfully, Jason saw the necessity in replacing this item and I'm very happy that he did :) 

Yay! It's exactly like the one I already had! I need a name for this guy.

After I had a little bit of protein, I felt a lot better. I didn't feel like I was going to pass out anymore, and I only got a little bit hungry right before bed. What was weird though, is that on Monday, I was craving a huge salad. Yesterday, I was craving watermelon. Thankfully, today I can eat both. 

Here's the big question of the day: What progress has been made so far?

Well, first of all, a lot of self-control has had to come into play since Monday. Going from eating whatever I wanted to eat to this really strict cleanse was tough - and I've had to depend on a lot of prayer, encouragement, talking to myself, and scripture reading to maintain self-control. It's also been a physical challenge, because, like I said, I spent 5 hours yesterday feeling like I might pass out. I'm happy that I've been able to rely upon God to provide strength and energy to get me through the last few days and to quiet my cravings for food. 

A little side note: This morning, the place that I am in my reading guide even led me to read about feasts! Now, you want to tell me that our God isn't sovereign over ever little detail of our lives?

Second, I've lost three pounds so far! I weighed myself Monday morning right after I woke up. I did the same thing this morning, and low and behold I was three pounds lighter. For some of you, you may be thinking, "What? That's nothing!" but for me it is. I think about all of those days that I woke up thinking I'd lost five, six, or seven pounds after eating really really good for a week or two and I'd only lost [maybe] one. So, I'm making a decision to focus on the fact that I've lost something! I've relied on God's strength and He's given me grace throughout the last few days. I give the praise to Him for the three pounds I've lost, and I will continue to give Him glory for whatever victories He allows me throughout this battle.

Hooray!!

Now, onto my morning...

So, remember how our fridge wasn't working yesterday? Well, apparently it was fixed before I got home yesterday.

This morning I came to a different conclusion. 

Notice the sheet of ice along the right side of the picture.

That's all I'll say about that.

I made a juice with 1 kiwi, about 6 strawberries, 1 orange, and some pineapple juice that we already had. It was pretty good, but left another weird aftertaste - I think it's the orange. 

I'm a fan of my "MRS." cup.

I also ate the leftover watermelon and cantaloupe from Monday that was sitting the the broken fridge - it was cold though, thankfully :)

Although yesterday I did have some very "gray" coffee, I'm trying to hold out this morning to see how I feel. For lunch I brought lettuce and an avocado to make a salad. I also packed 2 apples, and 2 snack baggies with orange slices, strawberries, and kiwi slices. 

Couldn't leave out the multivitamins that have been photo bombing
almost every picture from the cleanse so far!

Here's the run down of my food consuption yesterday:

Click the picture to make it readable.

Here are the totals of the breakdown of my caloric intake, carbs, fat, protein, fiber, and sugar:

Still...such a weird eating day.

Here's my massive, over-the-top water consumption from yesterday:

Please feel free to ask me any questions you may have about the cleanse! Keep on encouraging, keep on praying...2.5 days down!

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Day 2: Dreams of Sugar, Candies, and Carbs

Verse of the Day: "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." - Romans 8:26

Yesterday I got home from work, ate an entire watermelon, and went to sleep. 

Just kidding...but that's what I wanted to do. I did however eat a lot of watermelon and cantaloupe, made another juice, ate an apple, ate some grapes, ate an orange, made some tea, watched TV, cleaned the apartment, and went to sleep. All the while "fiesty Jessica" had taken over and Jason found it to be quite humorous, until the jokes were on him. 

My dinner last night.

I'll attribute my "fiesty-ness" to lack of protein and caffeine, but who knows, maybe it really just was one of those days. As soon as I got home, I ate my melons and drank my juice (which left the worst aftertaste ever). About an hour later, I ate an apple. I was going to try to let that be it for the night, but before bed I got really really weak, saw a box of Cheez-Itz and almost went for the kill. Thankfully, I grabbed some grapes and went and sat on the bed - away from all food. Then I wondered back into the kitchen, saw some crackers, and almost went for the kill again. You're probably thinking, "What an idiot, just stay in your room - stop going to the kitchen!" and that would have been a pretty good plan except that I couldn't sit still because I was so hungry! Thankfully, I made it through and I have not cheated once. Although if thinking about cheating counted for anything, I had dreams of sugary goodness and crunchy, salty snacks all. night. long.
 

The juicer has revolutionized the fruit and veggie days of this cleanse.
The worst part about it is cleaning it up afterwards.
"Jason, are you sure I have to do this before bed?" I said.

Also, yesterday I think I drank more water than I ever have in my life. I honestly quit counting at 12 cups. 

Here's an overview of everything I ate yesterday. I put my food into myfitnesspal.com according to what I aim to eat on a "healthy" day - 1,200 calories, less than 165 grams of carbs, 40 grams of fat, at least 45 grams of protein, at least 14 grams of fiber, and less than 24 grams of sugar. What a weird eating day. If myfitnesspal.com were a human, they'd probably think I'd gone off the deep end. 

The sugar-watcher in me says that's WAY too much
sugar for one day...but I'm just following the directions!

Today I woke up really excited. Why? Because my breakfast consisted of a baked potato! When I got out of bed this morning, I said, "Jason, I get to eat a potato!!" Literally, that was the first thing I said. He said, "For breakfast?!?" Yes Sweety, I know I'm nuts. Thank you for not pointing it out. So, I made my baked potato and enjoyed every last bite.

It might not look like much, but this potato was my best friend this morning.
Then I ate it.

While getting ready for work, I also made some okra, mixed veggies, broccoli, and cut up some cucumbers and celery for the day. I did run into a little bit of a problem though because our fridge isn't working. It freezes everything that goes inside. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the White Witch from Narnia was living in there. We've asked them to come fix it, but it hasn't happened yet. Unfortunately, that means almost all of the fresh veggies I bought on Saturday are that weird, frozen, mushy texture and I really don't think I can handle that. I'll probably be making a run to the grocery store during my lunch break today...which makes me really upset, but what can you do? I just gotta roll with the punches. 

Cucumber, celery, and lots of spinach.

So, here's the big question of the day: How am I feeling after Day 1?

Well, my head hurts. I reread all of my materials from the website that I got the cleanse from and it turns out that I can have coffee, it just can't be all jazzed up. Honestly, I haven't had any though because I'm afraid that my headache is coming from my caffeine withdrawal. If it doesn't go away in about an hour, I'm going to have to break down and drink a little bit of coffee because it's hard for me to function with such a bad headache. 

Also, like I said, I've been kind of grumpy. Basically, I have no filter, which can be funny sometimes unless I'm addressing you. I don't like feeling this way, and I've said a couple of things (mainly to Jason...sorry) that were kind of mean, but I've tried to just keep to myself until I get past this stage. 

I've been a little bit shaky/weak as well. My plan yesterday was to go walk after work because it was such a nice day, but I was literally shaking when I left work so I decided that I probably don't need to pass out on the Lakeshore Trail. I brought clothes to go today, but any sort of exercise while cleansing is going to be a spur of the moment decision that is 100% depended on how much energy I have. 

I'm continually praying throughout the day that the Lord gives me strength physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally to get through these first few days. Please keep praying for me throughout this process...it definitely helps! 

That's all I have for now! Day 2 is here and it's going to be great (see, the positivity it key...I think I can, I think I can)!

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