The War Inside

I'm just going to warn you right now, buckle up because I'm probably going to reach a new level of rambling today. I've had the topic that I'm writing about on my mind for quite some time, and I feel like I've meditated on it enough that I finally have the courage to write about it.

I decided a couple of weeks ago that I have a theme song, at least a song for right now. I've mentioned before that I'm am overly affected by music and that it can really can steer my emotions. While I was on the treadmill about two weeks ago, The War Inside by Switchfoot came on. If you've never heard the song, it's really a great workout song, so I'd recommend adding that one to your playlist. But something about it just lit a fire inside of me...of about two days.

Isn't that how we are though? Don't we set our mind to something and we build up our determination, just to watch it crumble when it gets tough or uncomfortable? Maybe it's just me, but I'm pretty bad at sticking to things that are super tough, even when deep down I know that I want to.

Last week, for some reason I had these words swimming around in my head...all...week...long: "I do want I don't want to do and I don't do what I do want to  do." These words derived from the words of Paul in the New Testament when he wrote about his sin.

"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am!" - Romans 7:14-24

Okay, so admittedly, I'm not the best at memorizing scripture word-for-word...but I had the gist of it rolling around in my brain for days.  

I keep setting my mind to things: eating good, sticking to Weight Watchers, working out on a daily basis, lowering my carb/sugar intake, not eating dessert, making healthy choices even when we're out, etc. I keep setting my mind to things and then at the drop of a hat, I just abandon them...even though I don't want to. I go for the ice cream, or I turn off my alarm in the morning, day after day after day. Obviously, I'm not saying that eating ice cream or sleeping until 7:00 rather than 6:00 is evil, like Paul is saying about his sin, I'm just saying that by my own strength, I cannot conquer any battle. 

As you've probably gathered by now from my blog, I really do hate putting bad things into my body. I really do hate going days at a time without working out. I really do want to be healthy and want to exercise. But than wretched sin that dwells within me goes against my better thoughts and desires and just takes over. 

I'd been really really hard on myself over the weekend. Jason was in a wedding so our dinners were provided to us at the wedding and rehearsal dinner, so it made it very difficult to stick to what I wanted to eat, which were healthy things (or at least healthier).

So there I was on Sunday afternoon, relaxing on the couch, and trying with everything inside of me to hold off on snacking and just wait until dinner. It was time to leave the apartment for church. Jason and I had been hanging out that afternoon, so we loaded into the car, and headed off. 

We made a few pit stops to turn in his tux from the wedding and also to peak into the new LOFT at the Summit (I'm a big fan by the way). While we were in LOFT, I tried on multiple items that didn't fit. I took the jeans that I really liked (but were one size to small) up to the register to see if they could get them from another store. The sales lady kindly told me that the size I had in my hands was the biggest size they carry in the store. Talk about humiliating. Talk about being really down on myself. Internally, I was a mess. 

Finally we arrived at church. I was so ready to just worship my Savior and Creator and just spend some concentrated time in corporate worship and study in His Word. Our executive pastor was the one preaching that day, and he told us to open our bibles to Romans 7. He explained that the text he would be preaching on that evening is very difficult to preach on, but absolutely necessary. The words he spoke could not have been more true. 

You see, he started out in Romans 7:14, which is where I had been kind of lingering all week long. But he did something that I had been failing to do...he kept reading. 

After Paul goes on and on about how dreadful this sin problem is, he says this:

"Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." - Romans 7:25-8:2

[Here's the part that's hard for me to admit]

During his sermon, the pastor then said something that truly cut me to the core and convicted me in a way that I haven't been convicted in quite a while. 

I'm so bad about comparing myself to other people. Maybe it's the way the look and I figure out if I'm bigger than them, smaller than them, or the same. Maybe it's looking at someone's lifestyle or choices and knowing that they're walking an outwardly sinful life and concluding that I'm probably better off because most sin that I have (and I do realize that we ALL sin) in usually more inward. I'm very quick to just brush off my lack of self-control or my readiness to give up at something as me just "accepting myself the way I am". And while I do think it's important to know and understand that God has created each of us and we are His workmanship, my tendencies are nothing less than sin. 

 Here's what he said (this isn't word-for-word, but it's the best I could remember when I was jotting it all down): "We may look down the road and say to ourselves, 'Well, at least I'm not a drug addict like my neighbor over there.' But if we are growing Christians, we should look at ourselves in the mirror and say, 'I'm worse, I'm a a believer and I'm a pride addict, or a stuff addict, or a food addict.'" 


May I recognize the sin in my life and call it what it is. May I do so, not to be self-deprecating, but the be a growing believer.


I know that most of you have probably had that Sunday when you're sitting in the congregation minding your own business and then the pastor decides to basically call you out (not literally, but you feel like it). I have had many occasion such as this, and Sunday evening was definitely one of those times. I wanted to stand up and just say, "I get it, God! Thank you! Thank you God for saving me even me!"

I am set free by the blood of Jesus Christ. It doesn't matter what I do or how hard I try, I can never accomplish or defeat a battle without Him. 

“The Christian life is a life of continual struggle, of victories and defeats, and Christian victory comes only when we totally distrust self, and rely on the provision of God. How frequently we throw works out the front door of justification, and invite them in the back door of sanctification.” - John Stott 

This weekend I was reminded that there is a "war inside". There's a battle for my soul. But I take refuge in the fact that I also have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of my soul. I am His, therefore there is no battle that will not be won.  

Bump It Up: Week 13

Good morning! And Happy Monday!

I may or may not have mentioned recently that a few of my friends are going to be mommies in the very near future. Some of these friends include two of my co-workers, Meg and Bethany. We decided last week that we wanted to track their baby pump progress. And what better way to track it than to put pictures on my blog?

So here they are ladies and gents, Meg and Bethany at 13 weeks, 5 days:

How cute are they?

Getting the Ball Rolling

Happy Friday everyone!

Source

Yes, cute little girl who is freaking out, it is Friday! I seriously could not be happier! Remember the post I did back in the spring and I put a nice picture of the #1 movie Jason and I were looking forward to this summer? Well, the day has finally come. We will be seeing The Dark Knight Rises in IMAX tonight! Whoohoo!

I must pause here though --

A good portion of my excitement about this movie has been replaced by grief and a heavy heart. I know it's all over the news today, but as a believer I must urge all of us to stop today and pray for the victims of the midnight premier shooting in Colorado last night. May each person even remotely affected by this horrible tragedy know the comfort and grace of God. And...let us not stop there. While we are in prayer for those affected as victims, may we also pray for the seriously lost soul who would even think to commit such a malicious crime as to take human life.

There have been multiple times in my life when I have wanted to hate people who have committed horrible crimes and done horrible things to me and/or to my family. I am reminded of two passages of scripture when I feel that way:

1 -- The Beatitudes
And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: 
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. 
“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. - Matthew 5:2-12

2 --  Anger
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. - Matthew 5:21-26

That is all to say that we should not forget to pray for the lost soul of James Holmes as well as the many who have become his victims. 

Okay, so let's get the ball rolling...

...or at least that's what I keep saying to myself about losing weight on Weight Watchers. So far, I've lost a grand total of 1.2 lb. since I started. I'm going into week four and I'm insanely discouraged! 

What should/will my plan of action be? Honestly, I have no clue. But for the time being, I've decided to cut back on my carbs (even my whole grains), up my fiber intake, up my veggie intake, and work out more/harder. Any help our encouragement would be much appreciated! 
  
I called my mom yesterday, who is a lifetime WW member. The new plan I just listed was her advice to me, since eating patterns along those lines have worked for me in the past. She made me reflect on habits that have worked for me before: running everyday and eating about 800 calories per day and cutting out all carbs including fruit. Neither of these options are sustainable, which explains why I've always gained the weight back. So we decided that I would just modify my WW plan to look a little more like both of those and see what happens in the next couple of weeks.

I've just gotta take a second to say that my mom is incredible! During our conversation yesterday I started to get really stressed out about losing weight and what I'm going to look like for my wedding. My mom has never told me that I need to lose weight or that I'm fat (she'd never dream of saying something like that), but she knows that it's an uphill battle I've faced my whole life. She has been on this very slow rolling ball (and sometimes stuck) with me for many many years.  But yesterday when I started freaking out about my wedding, she was jumped straight from friend-ish mode [trying to help me figure out a plan] into mom mode. 

She assured me that I WILL look beautiful on my wedding day because I AM beautiful. We found the most figure flattering dress possible and it's gorgeous on me. Things that I'm self conscience of, the dress hides. Things that I like about myself, the dress extenuates. PLUS, she reminded me that I have a man who loves me for me and thinks I'm beautiful NO MATTER WHAT!

For any of you who may be struggling with the same type of battle, let me assure you of something: you ARE beautiful! You are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. There is no food, no weight gained or lost, no item clothing, no big event, NOTHING, that can ever take that away from you! So, when you start to feel defeated and when you start to feel like your on a ball that is not rolling anywhere, go to someone (like I did with my mom) who will A) Help you figure out a plan and B) Encourage your socks off! 


I'll step off my soap box now and quit my rambling for the day. I hope you have been overall encouraged today. First of all, I hope you're encouraged to pray. Pray for Colorado, and pray for the lost. Second of all, I hope that you're encouraged to know that you are beautiful. And last, I hope that you are encouraged to know that we're in this together. 


Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Another Weekend has Come & Gone

What a wonderful weekend we had! We got to spend time with friends, each other, shop, relax, and work. After a whirlwind week at work for both Jason and me, we definitely needed some down time.

The last few weekends have been wonderful, but busy. They've been the kind of weekends where you need another weekend to catch up from the weekend.

As you all know, I'm right in the middle of planning my wedding. We are officially 68 days away! I feel like almost every conversation I have is full of wedding talk...and I love every minute of it! So far, I really have enjoyed every part of wedding planning. My mom and sisters have been INCREDIBLE at tackling all of the decorations for our ceremony and reception. I've handled the majority of booking things, big picture planning, and administrative things, such as getting the invitations prepared to go out.

Speaking of invitations...

off they go!

And here are a couple of other "sneak peaks" at what my mom has been working on:

flower pots pained by my sister

pales for the flower girls

flowers to go at the end of the pews in the chapel.
complete with sentimental broaches from my grandmother.

boutonnieres for all of the guys -- handmade by my mom and sisters

My mom and sisters seriously could go into business making this stuff! Every time they send me a picture I'm so stinkin' impressed! They have gone way above and beyond every expectation I could have imagined!

So far I've had the hardest time finding shoes to wear on my wedding day. I've probably bought and taken back five pairs of shoes. Finally, I decided to just wear the same shoes as my bridesmaids (red patten leather ballet flats) because I couldn't find exactly what I wanted. I wanted to wear flats, I wanted them to be red, I wanted a sandal, I wanted some sort of embellishment, and I didn't want flip flops because I don't want to make noise when I walk. I really didn't think this was too much to ask, but after five months and five pairs of shoes, I thought maybe it is too much to ask.

Yesterday, Jason and I decided to go out to the outlet mall in Leeds. We'd never been out there shopping, but we both love a good bargain, so we headed that way. While we were there, I stumbled upon these little babies -

THEY ARE PERFECT!

I'm literally almost as excited as I was after I bought my wedding dress.

So, I'll quit my wedding rambling - I'm sure there's a lot more of that once we get closer! If anyone has advice on how to not freak out (in a good way) every day that the wedding gets closer and completely obsess (again, in a good way) on the day just getting here, please pass it along to me!

Directions, Losses, and Gains

What a week it has been. I apologize that I've been so extremely random in my blogging habits lately. Things have been busy!

So... a couple of updates:

• The wedding is now 74 days away!
• Every time I sit down at home, I think of about 5 things I should be doing.
• I have no idea what I'll talk to people (or Jason)about after September 22nd.
• Pre-marital counseling is awesome. 
• I haven't lost any weight on WW, even though I've stuck to the plan 100%.
• My dress is getting about seven inches of length cut off of it as we speak.
• I need to work out my arms.
• I have a lot of new recipes that I've been trying. 
• Jason turns 26 in two weeks. 
• My dad turns 50 tomorrow.
• I feel like I'm constantly doing laundry.
• I'm okay with the fact that I'm constantly doing laundry.
• I'm learning to be comfortable in my own skin.
• I think I know what I want to be when I grow up.
• I have no clue how to be what I want to be when I grow up.
• I'm reading three books at one time.
• I'm frustrated with WW.
• I'm thankful for WW.
• I hate carbs.

I think that about sums it all up. 

Here are my latest eats:

Chicken Skillet

Normal lunch for me

Saturday morning breakfast

Chicken roll ups with Tzatziki sauce.

Chicken Skillet (adapted from Betty Crocker recipe):
Yields 4 servings
Ingredients

• 1 tbsp vegetable oil
• 1 1/4 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1-inch pieces
• 1/2 diced red peppers 
• 1/2 chopped red onions
• 1 can reduced sodium black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 cup Old El Paso® Thick 'n Chunky salsa
• 1 Old El Paso® flour tortilla for burritos (8 inch) (from 11.5-ounce package), cut into 2x1-inch strips
• 4 oz. low-fat shredded Cheddar cheese 

Directions

1. In 10-inch skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat. Cook chicken in oil 3 to 4 minutes, stirring occasionally, until no longer pink in center.
2. Stir in vegetables, beans and salsa; reduce heat to medium. Cover and cook 6 to 8 minutes, stirring occasionally, until vegetables are crisp-tender.
3. Sprinkle with tortilla strips and cheese. Cover and cook about 2 minutes or until cheese is melted. 

Chicken Roll Ups (adapted from Dashing Dish recipe):
Ingredients:
for the chicken

• 1/2 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 1 tsp. Italian seasoning
• 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp. pepper
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 2 tbsp. lemon juice
• 1 tbsp. EVOO
• 2 tbsp. water

for the Tzatziki sauce 

• 1/2 c. 0% fat plain Greek yogurt
• 1/2 medium cucumber, grated and squeezed dry
• 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1 tsp. lemon juice  

for the pita toppings

• High fiber/low carb tortillas (or pita) 
• Reduced fat feta cheese, crumbled

Directions:

1. Place all of the ingredients for the chicken in the crock pot and cook on low for 6-8 hours.
2. To make the sauce, start by grating the cucumber over a small bowl. Blot the excess moisture with a paper towel until dry.
3. Add the yogurt, garlic, salt, and vinegar to the grated cucumber. Whisk until everything is well combined. Cover and refrigerate until serving (I put mine in a medium sized mason jar and kept the excess for other meals).
4. Place one sliced chicken breast onto each tortilla or pita bread. Top each with 1/4 cup yogurt mixture, feta, and onion if desired. Roll pita over chicken, and enjoy!

A look at my "Normal Lunch":

• 2 oz. of low fat or fat free turkey w/ something on top (1/2 avocado, honey mustard, etc.)
• 1 oz. of low fat cheese
• Sugar free jello cup
• Dannon Light & Fit yogurt (or Publix fat free yogurt)
• Something green
• Fruit 

A look at my "Saturday Breakfast":

I try to keep my breakfasts small, but it really is my favorite meal of the day. On Saturdays, I try to make it special by spending time actually cooking breakfast. This usually consists of a an egg and some fruit. On a weekday morning, I usually eat a boiled egg, 4 oz. of 2% cottage cheese, or a 0% Greek yogurt.

I hope you all feel slightly more caught up on the happenings of my food world (and I guess my world in general). I'll be expanding on some of those things I listed at the beginning throughout the week. But for today, I'm done rambling.

 

	P.S. Who is team 1 "f" Jef and who is team Arie? Ready...go!

Fun for Everyone

So the random, middle-of-the-week holiday has come and gone. Does anyone else feel like it should be a Monday?

Happy belated 4th of July to everyone! I hope you all had  a great day. I had the day off, but Jason had to work. That made for a productive holiday for me!

Since I'm on week two of Weight Watchers, I didn't partake in any super delicious eating festivities until the end of the evening.

Jason's mom is coming in town tomorrow, so I wanted to make sure that I'm showing off [what will be] our apartment looking the best it can. By about 2:00, I was very proud of my progress, so I headed to the pool for about an hour.

After the pool, I got my shower and just kind of enjoyed some down time as I waited for Jason to get off work.

This was my first year in Birmingham on the 4th of July. Usually, I'm out of town or I'm at home with my family in Destin...so I really didn't know what Alabamians do on this holiday.

We ended up meeting up with some friends. We went to dinner at Pinches Tacos, where I ate way too many chips. We walked to Steel City Pops after that, and then to Homewood Park to watch the fireworks. We had a bit of time to kill at the park before the fireworks, so here's how Jason used his time -

 

Then I decided to join him -

 

I found that it's not super lady like to swing in a dress.

All in all, this was a fantastic 4th of July...especially compared to last year when I couldn't turn my head to see the fireworks due to a crick in my neck :( Thankfully, I started seeing a chiropractor who has taken care of that.