24 Day Challenge Results

So here we are on June 25th. I officially have completed Advocare's 24 Day Challenge. I want to share my results with you in an honest, transparent, and practical way. So here we go...

My "start" photo from the first week of the 24 DC

Background:

I've tried SO many "diets". The summer before 9th grade, my mom became a member of Weight Watchers. Obviously, I didn't join, but sometimes I'd go to the meetings with her just to listen, and she definitely changed the way she cooked for my dad, my sisters, and me. As a result, I lost about 15 lbs. Before you get all freaked out about a 14 year old losing that much weight, I promise, I had it to lose. For the first, and maybe only time in my life, I felt skinny.

Later in high school, as my body continued to change, I gained some weight. In college, I was up and down and all over the place. I tried diet after diet looking for a "quick fix". I had a problem and I wanted someone to give me a solution.

This, paired with the fact that I'm insulin resistant, means that I've been on a very frustrating, and at times gruesome uphill battle for about 10 years. I'm the product of someone who is constantly worried about the way I look, how my clothes fit, and as I've said before on my blog, I always make sure that I mentioned my weight first (usually as some sort of joke) to make sure that people know I realize my own size.

What they don't know is how aware of it I am. It haunts me. And it has haunted me for years and years and years. But in May, on my 24th birthday, I realized that I was heaviest, most out of shape, and largest I'd ever been.

So, when I saw a friend posting stuff about the Advocare 24 Day Challenge on Instragram, we began talking about it. After talking to Jason, we came up with a plan to pay for it, and I began the challenge. Day 1 for me was June 1st, so it was pretty easy to keep track of where I was in the process according to the date.

My Expectations:

When I began the 24DC, I was still in "quick fix" mode. I saw how the weight fell off of my friend and I wanted to see the same results. After the cleanse phase, I'd lost about 4lbs. I promised myself that I would not measure until I completed the challenge because I was afraid of getting discouraged and giving up. So I celebrated my 4lb. loss and decided to keep going. And I did.

My Reality:

Before I give you my results, I want to point out a few things. If anyone reading this is walking through a weight loss journey, I want to be clear that most important thing to focus on is not the number on a scale or the notch on a tape measure - the most important thing is being honest with yourself about your reality.

So here's mine:

• I'm 5 feet tall. 5 lbs. on me (either gained or lost) looks a lot different that 5 lbs. on someone who is even 4 or 5 inches taller than me.
• I'm insulin resistant. I have to work twice four times harder than the average person to lose any weight at all because my body literally has a physiological irregularity. I'm not just an average person trying to lose weight.
• I have a lot of encouragement and many partners in this. I already mentioned my friend who told me about the 24DC. She was so encouraging along the way and I know she will continue to be. We're shaped similarly, and it's been nice to have honest conversations about things we struggled with in college that we never really talked about. If I had to guess, we both just kind of stuck our head in the sand about our weight and pretended we were okay with the way things were.
  I also have Jason. He's been on his own journey with weight loss and just overall general health. Going from the "single guy" lifestyle of lots of meals out, fast food, and cooking easy and convenient things, to married life with a wife who is obsessed with trying to eat healthier, has kind of prompted him to find what foods are best for him. He's also allergic to milk, so he's been testing his limits and realized that his limit is much smaller than he previously thought.
  Last, I have my mom. A few weeks into the 24DC she texted me and said that she wanted to walk through this journey together. She joined myfitnesspal.com and we've been holding each other accountable to eat the right amount of calories, eat the right kind of food, and exercise. I cannot describe in words (without crying at my computer) how much it has meant to me, in this stage of life, to have my mom come alongside me in this.
• I have a sedentary lifestyle. As much as I hate to admit it, I do. I work at a desk for 8 hours a day. I get up and walk around some here and there, but not enough compared to how much I used to walk around campus in college or activities that kept me moving in high school. I cannot change the fact that I have a desk job, but I need to be honest with myself about what that means for me and how vital it is for me to intentionally exercise each day in some way!
• I REALLY love sweets. Like, it's bad. I will eat something that I don't even like that much just for the sheer fact that it's sweet and it satisfies my sweet tooth craving. That's something that I'll ALWAYS battle. I will never look at a cookie and say, "Eh, I'll pass. That just really doesn't look good." It can be the grossed looking cookie ever, and the only way that I'll restrain myself is if I am aware of my craving and talk myself out of it by making a healthier choice that will satisfy my hunger. 
• I'm 24 years old. My body has changed over the years just in the ways it's shaped. I don't need to worry about fitting into clothes from high school or even early college. Those days are gone...and really...what 24 year old woman really wants the body of a teenager?

My Results:

I want to break my results into two parts. I know some of you may be thinking, "Oh my gosh, this is the longest post ever and there aren't any pictures. I don't care that much about your life Jessica!" I don't really blame you. This is long. But for someone who might struggle with the same things, it's important for me to write everything that I need to communicate.

For me, weight loss is WAY more mental and emotional than it is physical. I know, that's crazy and probably impossible. Some people say that it's all math. If you burn more calories than you eat. then you lose weight. Simple if/than statement, right? WRONG. For me, there is nothing simple about losing weight. My mind and my emotions get in the way and make everything way more complicated. I believe it's important to celebrate, pay attention to, and acknowledge the emotional side of this thing just as much, if not more, than the physical.

Physical Results:

I lost right at 6 pounds and 5 inches. Basically what that means is that my "big clothes" are fitting better. I'm not slipping into my "skinny jeans" - in fact I haven't even tried. The those that are the size that I was when I started the 24DC are looser, but they're not falling off. As I said before, I was hoping for a quick fix and I thought that at the end of this, I'd slip on my jeans and they would fall right off. Not the case, but hey, it's only been 24 days.

As far as my physical results in terms of how in shape I am, that's improved a lot. This morning I walked the fastest 5K that I've ever walked. My overall health is improving, and that's a win in my book!

Mental/Emotional Results:

Until last night, I didn't even think that I was going to write about my results because I was ashamed that I didn't lose more weight or shrink any more inches. As I was talking to Jason, he said, "So if you lose 6 lbs. every month, over the course of a year, that's 72 lbs. Wait, you don't need to lose that much...please don't do that!" It hit me that 6 lbs. is GOOD. That's about 2 lbs. a week. If I lost more than that in a week, I probably wouldn't be doing something that is maintainable.

Saturday night as I was getting ready for dinner I realized something; I felt more confident. I slipped into a little red sleeveless sundress that I bought back in May. I accessorized with some cute jewelry and a new headband I got from Target. I was the only one home, and I sat down for a minute and starred at my closet. I wear a cardigan of some sort with 100% of my sleeveless dress/tops. I stood up, and looked in my full length mirror. For the first time in a LONG time, I just looked at myself and thought, "I look really cute." (Usually, my response is more of, "Cute outfit, but oh my gosh my arms and my calves are hideous!") Then, I grabbed my purse and headed out the door  - WITHOUT a cardigan.

After that, I went to The Summit to pick Jason up from work. When I got there, I parked, and while I was waiting for him, I texted my mom and said, "When I eat healthy and exercise, I'm automatically more confident in the way I look. I know I'm not at my goal, or even close to it, but I know that there's nothing more that I could be doing. I'm living as healthy as possible, and that makes me feel good about myself." 

To me, that's a bigger victory than losing a pound a day or an inch a day. That text that I sent my mom is a more truthful result than any scale or tape measure can give me.

What Now?

The challenge is over, so what do I do now? Nothing.

I'm going to keep eating the exact same way. I've still got my booklet and I'm going to follow all of the food directions that come in it. I'm not going to do the intensive supplements and stuff because they're only made to do for 24 days every few months, but that doesn't mean that I change the way I'm eating. In fact, I love the way I'm eating now. It's basically my spin on clean eating - and it keeps me full, it keeps me satisfied, and I'm pretty sure it's helped my metabolism.

I'm going to give myself milestones along the way. Will I eat cake on Jason's birthday? Heck yeah! Will I eat dessert once a week because I'm really just craving something sweet? Nope. I've learned that it helps me to plan ahead. I can say no to a boxed cookie every day for a month knowing that in July, I will celebrate my husband's birthday with him and eat some delicious cake. I've chosen to be picky about my sweets. Quality must trump quantity when it comes to all foods. 

As far as exercising...I'm a walker now. I've fallen in love with it. I love a nice long walk in the morning or evening. One great thing about it is that it just gets me moving without having to think about it. Especially in the evenings when nothing is on TV, Jason and I can go walk for any distance or any length of time and have the same conversation we'd have inside sitting on the couch. I'm a horrible runner. It hurts, and not the good kind of hurt. It hurts my bones and my joints. If I wake up in the morning at 5:00 a.m. and know that I've got to go run, I'm going to press snooze until 6:30 every single time. If I wake up at 5:00 a.m. and know that I get to go listen to a podcast, wake up outside, and watch the sun come up over Birmingham while walking, I'm about 99% more likely to not press snooze.

I also love Zumba. I've come to realize that over the last few weeks. Unfortunately, my gym only offers it on Tuesday nights and Saturdays, but I plan on making those classes as much as possible. It's really fun and it releases a lot of nervous energy that I have pent up for working at a desk all day. It really just takes my mind off of anything stressful for about 55 minutes. Really, what more can you ask for?

Looking Forward:

My goal is to do this for a year. I began the 24DC on June 1st, and I want to make eating healthy and exercising my focus and priority for the next 11 months. My hope is that by June 1, 2014, I'll be at a weight and size that I'm happy with and that I can maintain. This is long a long term goal and there's nothing about it that can be a "quick fix". I don't need fixing, I just need to be healthy. 

Weekend in Review & Post Cleanse Update

Verse of the Day: What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." - 2 Corinthians 6:16

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Weekend in Review:

The Morales' have another great weekend for the books. Friday night we went to StadiumFest and Switchfoot played. I honestly don't know what I did to get be so blessed as to see both of my favorite bands within a week of each other. Jason and I both LOVE Switchfoot, but we've never seen them together. Thankfully, not only did we get to see a great show together, it was also free. It was awesome.

Me with Jon Foreman when I saw Swithfoot without Jason last year.

StadiumFest with my guy. He's such a stud.

Ahhhh! Switchfoot!!

Getting to see Switchfoot together was such a treat! Man, I love this man :)

Saturday Jason worked and I went to a workshop at church. The workshop was called "Faithfully Feminine" and it seriously was something that I needed and didn't even know it. Do you ever do that? I signed up last weekend on a whim and then I really didn't want to go and talked myself out of going a couple of times. The workshop lasted from 9:00-5:00 so it was basically a workday - and that's the part I wasn't looking forward to. But, I went, along with a friend, and about an hour into everything I knew that I was exactly where God wanted me to be - I'm so thankful for a sovereign Lord. I want to take a few days to blog about some things that I learned, so be on the lookout for that over the next week or so. 

Saturday night Jason and I went to the new coffee shop in Homewood called Seeds. It's pretty cool and our friends Mandi and Audrie were playing at the grand opening. They had good coffee, obviously good music, and we had fun with some friends as well. It's always nice to get out and spend time with friends. We even ended up at Waffle House afterward and I totally had a college flashback - good times.

Audrie (left) and Mandi (right). Our insanely talented friends.

Sunday was rainy and gross so we went to see the Jackie Robinson movie, relaxed, grocery shopped, and then I cleaned and Jason went to a meeting for work. Even though we didn't do a lot, it was a much needed day. 

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Post Cleanse Update:

I lost a total of six pounds - which I'm happy with. This weekend I pretty much didn't follow the cleanse but instead, I opted to eat healthy and just tried to focus on transitioning back into a really healthy eating pattern. Friday was a rough day for me with the whole tomato-eating thing. In conjunction with the gross tomatoes, I also had some personal things going on that were upsetting, so it was just kind of a double shot of feeling like this cleanse was for the birds. 

All in all, I'm happy with the results of this cleanse, but I doubt I'll do it again. I like eating healthy, but the lack of protein was really hard on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm happy to have added meat back into my life, that's for sure. 

As always, I'll continue blogging about my progress on this journey that I'm on. I will admit that the decision to stop the cleanse was an emotional decision, but I came to the realization that emotions are a component of all of this. Now, that doesn't mean that what we like to call "emotional eating" is necessarily a good thing, because many times we do eat instead of running to God with our emotions. That, in turn, builds our comfort food into an idol.

But, to me, keeping up with the cleanse when I was incurring some tough emotions was more distressful and doing me more harm than it was good. So, after much prayer throughout the day, I made the decision to end the cleanse early and enjoy the weekend, while still maintaining healthy eating habits.

All of that being said, keep praying for me as I walk through this journey. This is a marathon, a lifelong marathon, and it's not a race. This is finding my identity in what's eternal and not focusing on the temporary (if you know anything about Joy Be, there's a little throwback rap for ya).

Have a great Monday, and it definitely feels like a Monday!

I've blogged to you...
Now you can blogbacktome

Getting the Ball Rolling

Happy Friday everyone!

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Yes, cute little girl who is freaking out, it is Friday! I seriously could not be happier! Remember the post I did back in the spring and I put a nice picture of the #1 movie Jason and I were looking forward to this summer? Well, the day has finally come. We will be seeing The Dark Knight Rises in IMAX tonight! Whoohoo!

I must pause here though --

A good portion of my excitement about this movie has been replaced by grief and a heavy heart. I know it's all over the news today, but as a believer I must urge all of us to stop today and pray for the victims of the midnight premier shooting in Colorado last night. May each person even remotely affected by this horrible tragedy know the comfort and grace of God. And...let us not stop there. While we are in prayer for those affected as victims, may we also pray for the seriously lost soul who would even think to commit such a malicious crime as to take human life.

There have been multiple times in my life when I have wanted to hate people who have committed horrible crimes and done horrible things to me and/or to my family. I am reminded of two passages of scripture when I feel that way:

1 -- The Beatitudes
And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: 
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. 
“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. - Matthew 5:2-12

2 --  Anger
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. - Matthew 5:21-26

That is all to say that we should not forget to pray for the lost soul of James Holmes as well as the many who have become his victims. 

Okay, so let's get the ball rolling...

...or at least that's what I keep saying to myself about losing weight on Weight Watchers. So far, I've lost a grand total of 1.2 lb. since I started. I'm going into week four and I'm insanely discouraged! 

What should/will my plan of action be? Honestly, I have no clue. But for the time being, I've decided to cut back on my carbs (even my whole grains), up my fiber intake, up my veggie intake, and work out more/harder. Any help our encouragement would be much appreciated! 
  
I called my mom yesterday, who is a lifetime WW member. The new plan I just listed was her advice to me, since eating patterns along those lines have worked for me in the past. She made me reflect on habits that have worked for me before: running everyday and eating about 800 calories per day and cutting out all carbs including fruit. Neither of these options are sustainable, which explains why I've always gained the weight back. So we decided that I would just modify my WW plan to look a little more like both of those and see what happens in the next couple of weeks.

I've just gotta take a second to say that my mom is incredible! During our conversation yesterday I started to get really stressed out about losing weight and what I'm going to look like for my wedding. My mom has never told me that I need to lose weight or that I'm fat (she'd never dream of saying something like that), but she knows that it's an uphill battle I've faced my whole life. She has been on this very slow rolling ball (and sometimes stuck) with me for many many years.  But yesterday when I started freaking out about my wedding, she was jumped straight from friend-ish mode [trying to help me figure out a plan] into mom mode. 

She assured me that I WILL look beautiful on my wedding day because I AM beautiful. We found the most figure flattering dress possible and it's gorgeous on me. Things that I'm self conscience of, the dress hides. Things that I like about myself, the dress extenuates. PLUS, she reminded me that I have a man who loves me for me and thinks I'm beautiful NO MATTER WHAT!

For any of you who may be struggling with the same type of battle, let me assure you of something: you ARE beautiful! You are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. There is no food, no weight gained or lost, no item clothing, no big event, NOTHING, that can ever take that away from you! So, when you start to feel defeated and when you start to feel like your on a ball that is not rolling anywhere, go to someone (like I did with my mom) who will A) Help you figure out a plan and B) Encourage your socks off! 


I'll step off my soap box now and quit my rambling for the day. I hope you have been overall encouraged today. First of all, I hope you're encouraged to pray. Pray for Colorado, and pray for the lost. Second of all, I hope that you're encouraged to know that you are beautiful. And last, I hope that you are encouraged to know that we're in this together. 


Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Ever & Never Changing

When I started writing consistently, my primary focus was to share about my battle with food that I've struggled with for years and years. I've never labeled myself as a "writer" and I've never labeled this blog as a "health blog" or a "food blog". That was intentional. So I apologize, because even though I do have a recipe to share with all of you (complete with pictures), I'm not going to write about food today.

Life is messy and life is full of surprises. Some good, some bad, and some just...well...surprising. We grow, sometimes willfully and sometimes not so willfully. We stretch beyond our comfort zone through life transitions. And sometimes, we avoid transition at all costs.

Sometimes I'd really appreciate one of these!
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Usually, I'm pretty good with big change. My sister graduating high school has made me reminisce on my own high school graduation, and I didn't even cry about it once. I was super involved in my high school and I loved every moment of it, but I was ready for the the transition from high school to college. Graduating from college was tough because I loved Samford, my friends, and my college life so much, but in the end, I don't recall it being that difficult. I knew it was time to transition out of college and into the world.

Our lives are full of little changes and transitions, and if I'm honest, I don't deal with those as well as I do the big stuff. I think I handle the big stuff more gracefully because of the day-to-day plans that I make and the schedule I cling to. When I lose control of my day-to-day plans, I lose control of everything.

I am constantly reminded that I am not in control. I've written about it before. But when it feels like everything around me is in transition, and I'm having to get used to new thing after new thing, I put a death grip on my day-to-day plans -- I put a death grip on my ability to control.

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Lately, it seems as though nothing is the same day-to-day. Each day there's something new or something different. I'm combining the life that I've been building for 23 years with a man who's been building a separate life for 25 years. Do I want that? OF COURSE! I want nothing more than to get married on September 22nd to the man of my dreams, so please don't think I'm complaining. But I must admit (not for the first time and probably not for the last): this transition stuff is hard work.

Throughout this process, I know that God is sanctifying and stretching me. He's teaching me to die to myself. He's teaching me to let go of my comforts. He's teaching me to let someone else lead. He's teaching me to see the big picture, to gain some perspective rather than live in this valley of the unknown.
I know that scripture tells me each of these things is good and of the Lord. But scripture also teaches me about change.

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Scripture tells us that change in us is a good thing. 

When we become believers, the bible tells us that we are made new. 
"From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." - 2 Corinthians 5:16-17 

"I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed." - 1 Corinthians 15:50-52

God changes things according to His sovereign plan for us.

“Blessed be the name of God forever and ever,
     to whom belong wisdom and might.
He changes times and seasons;
     he removes kings and sets up kings;
he gives wisdom to the wise
     and knowledge to those who have understanding;
he reveals deep and hidden things;
     he knows what is in the darkness,
     and the light dwells with him."

 - Daniel 2:20-22

Our hearts are changed when we call upon the name of the Lord. 
“For at that time I will change the speech of the peoples
    to a pure speech,
that all of them may call upon the name of the Lord
    and serve him with one accord."
- Zephaniah 3:9  

Jesus' birth, life, ministry, death, and resurrection changed the course of history for the rest of eternity.  
"and they set up false witnesses who said, “This man never ceases to speak words against this holy place and the law, for we have heard him say that this Jesus of Nazareth will destroy this place and will change the customs that Moses delivered to us.” And gazing at him, all who sat in the council saw that his face was like the face of an angel." - Acts 6:13-15

Scripture also tells us that there is One who will never change.

“For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed." - Malachi 3:6

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." - Hebrews 13:8


How glorious it is to know that God is sovereign over the change and transitions in our lives, and that will never change!! 

 

Loose Ends

Whenever I finish something that I've started, I always feel really good about myself. I feel accomplished. I feel productive.

On the flip-side of that, whenever I have things that are left undone, I feel like a have this thing hanging over me and staring me in the face. I have to finish it. I have to be done. I can't stand loose ends.

Well, last night I finally finished the book Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. As I laid in bed trying to go to sleep, I felt accomplished and productive. I felt like I'd done something good and deserved a pat on the back, even if it was just from myself. Then I rolled over and looked at my bookshelves full of books that I've started and never finished, or purchased and never looked at after my credit card was swiped. Now I know what I'll be doing this summer!

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I definitely recommend Linda's book to - well anyone. It is scripture based and it thoroughly covers so many of the insecurities and questions that we, as women tend to face almost daily. There is also a 12-week study guide in the back and I'm praying through whether or not I should put together some sort of book study to cover this material. It was so full of truth and overall, it was encouraging. So many times I find myself reading books like that and either realizing that they're not rooted in the Word or concluding that I feel more discouraged after I've finished reading.

Now onto a section of this post that I'd like to title: Please Pray for Jessica

Yesterday was a big day for me. It was an ordinary day, but it carried a lot of underlying things that are pretty big and tied up a lot of loose ends.

First, yesterday marked four months until Jason and I get married. When I looked at the clock and saw that it was 3:00 p.m. (which is the time that our ceremony will start), I wanted to get up and dance. Lucky for everyone in my wing at work, I did not.

Second, Jason and I (well, mostly I) were able to get everything prepared with our new washer and dryer. Since we bought them used, they needed to be cleaned up and we're actually selling the pedestals that they came with (if you're in the market for front loading washer and dryer pedestals, hit me up). I spent some time last night with Clorox in hand spraying down every inch of those suckers. They are now Jessica-sized (thanks to Jason and his mad un-bolting skills) and they are clean! Loose end tied.

As you can tell, I'm excited about hooking these puppies up. It's the first big purchase that Jason and I have made together, so I think it's fair that I'm this excited, right?

Next, I went to a general practitioner for the first time since I last saw my pediatrician (so roughly 5 years). Jason got his name from a friend of ours (thanks Lacey) and he went to see him last summer when he was struggling with his milk allergy. The doctor was wonderful and spent lots of time with Jason walking him through what steps they'd need to take for him to get better in time for the Fall tour. I read a lot of reviews about him online, and every single review said the same thing - he spends as much time as you  need in the room with you and he doesn't rush through the exam. I figured that establishing a family doctor in Birmingham was somewhat of another loose end that needed to be taken care of.

Well, he definitely lived up to his reputation. I really just wanted to get established with a doctor here, but I also haven't talked to a doctor about my insulin resistance since I was 17 or 18-years-old. A lot has changed since then in my life, my surroundings, and in my body.

He talked to me for a while and then he said that they were going to do some blood work. He asked me some questions about things that are symptoms of diabetes. I'd told him that I was getting married in September and he told me that it's really good that I came in because many of the things I had questions about, if left untreated, could lead to infertility down the road. Obviously, Jason and I are planning on adopting at least once in our lives, so infertility doesn't scare me as much as some, but I still don't want to have to deal with it. I'd like to be able to have biological kids too.

Then came the biggie - he put me on a diet plan. I wasn't offended or worried like I probably would have been a couple of yeas ago. I wanted him to do that. I wanted to know if I'm doing the right things, if I'm doing things wrong, and if I'm doing things that will be effective in creating a healthier lifestyle for myself.

As it turns out, I'm definitively on the right path. He told me to be exercising consistently and to aim to eat about 1,200 calories a day. He said that due to the insulin resistance, he's going to put me on a low carb/low fat diet. I'm allowed 120 grams of carbohydrates per day and about 32 grams of fat per day.

I plugged all of this new information into the myfitnesspal.com app that I have on my iPhone and went to get my blood work done.

Here's where I'm asking for prayer: my blood work.

I've had blood work done tons of times, but this is really the first time I've been worried about it. I'm 23-years-old and so far I haven't been able to lose weight eating a normal healthy diet and exercising pretty consistently. I have a history of diabetes in my family and I am at a higher risk for it because of the insulin resistance. I'm praying that my blood work has answers but that the results don't contain something wrong with me (aka diabetes). Please pray for self-control and determination with eating according to the doctor's rules as well as consistency in my exercising routine. Overall, pray that I would not forget for a second that God is in control regardless of my circumstances and this is a battle that he's already won.

Thank you all so much in advance for your prayers. Stay tuned for more about the diet plan and the results of my  blood work.

Let me quit rambling so that we can all turn to our Savior in prayer today.

Meditate and Chew

Ever since last Friday's post about contentment, I've been really focusing and meditating on Psalm 139. I believe that reading it last week revealed so much new truth to me. So, since I didn't cook last night, nor did I really do anything productive (except hang out with friends from college, of course), I figured I'd leave you with something a little more...eternal :)

Psalm 139 -

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
² You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
³ You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
⁴ Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
⁵ You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
⁶  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.

⁷  Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?
⁸  If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
     If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
¹²  even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.

¹³ For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵  My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸  If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
    I awake, and I am still with you.

¹⁹ Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
    O men of blood, depart from me!
²⁰ They speak against you with malicious intent;
    your enemies take your name in vain.
²¹  Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
    And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
²² I hate them with complete hatred;
    I count them my enemies.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart!
     Try me and know my thoughts!
²⁴ And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting!

 

(all emphasis is my own)

[Worry] Warts are Gross

When I was in 4th grade I had to create a business as a school project. Our entire classroom was covered in upside down refrigerator boxes for about a month. I don't remember the name of our business, but I do know that at first our business failed. 

Then, we learned about worry dolls. 

My mom taught my friend and me how to make worry dolls out of clothespins. We made hundreds of them, and they sold so well! In the end, we didn't fail.

Source

Ironically, we didn't fail this project because worry exists in the world. In fact, not only does it exist, it is ever present and prevalent in our lives. 

Last week I introduced you all to the book I'm reading called Calm my Anxious Heart. Well, I'm finally on chapter nine. I took me a day and night to finish chapter eight. Yes, I'm a slow reader, but it took me so long because I truly struggled through the chapter called, "Worry is not a Rocking Chair".

If you've ever taken the Myers Briggs personality test, you'll know what I mean when I say that I'm very much a "J". I'm convinced that this personality trait, plus the fact that I'm a sinner living in fallen world, leaves me with a lot of worry. As Jason says, I'm a "worrier". 

This is me way too often.
Source

This chapter of the book went all military on me (meaning that it broke me down and then eventually it built me back up). When the author, Linda Dillow, did a study on the topic of worry among women, she found that women worry about these things the most:

• Money
• Parenting
• Marriage
• Health
• Job security
• Weight
• Threats

Here are the reasons why women worry about these things:

• The world is out of control
• Families are out of control
• My life is out of control

Like Linda, I can definitely identity with these women, but for me, this list of reasons begs the question:

Who IS in control?

As I've already stated in a previous post, we know that God is in control.

In the book, Linda places a quote at the beginning of this chapter.

"George Müller said, 'The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith. The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.'  All our fret and worry are caused by calculating without God."*

When she wrote, "We say with one breath that we trust God and with the next breath how worried we are! Worry and anxiety give a small thing a big shadow, and this shadow creates problems, not just in the soul and spirit, but in the body,"**

When I read this yesterday, I felt like Linda could see into my filthy, unfaithful heart.

How many of us do this? How many of us sit at church and nod our heads and sing and worship, go to bible study and live out our "good Christian life", but then when we are alone or when one thing doesn't go our way, we freak out and ask God why he's doing this to us? I know that I am so very guilty of this.

I could probably write a book myself just on this topic alone. I could go on and on about how the only thing that God has done for us is send his perfect and holy Son to die on the cross for our sins. I could state that we are all hypocrites and in the middle of circumstances that are less than ideal, we should cling to the cross rather than blame the Sacrifice. I might even would add that if God gave us what we deserve, we probably would be a lot more upset about where we'd all end up.

But, I'm not a preacher. I'm just a girl who writes a blog to share with those of you who read it about what I'm walking through in my life. So, keeping that in mind, I will fall back into line and tell you all that I fail at not being anxious and not worrying each and every day. I fail miserably.

(And here it is folks, the call to action. You must have known by now that it was coming soon)

If you feel like you may identify with this, if you, like me, are a chronic worrier, here is some truthes that are so obvious, but sometimes so difficult to truly embrace.

• Worry doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.**

• Perhaps the most striking characteristic of worry is its absolute impotence. Worry never changes a single thing except the worrier.**

• Worry is definitely counterproductive. Like our earlier illustration of a rocking chair, it doesn’t get us anywhere, but at least it gives us something to do, and women like to do something!***

• 1 Peter 5: 6-7 gave us an alternative to carrying the anxiety ourselves. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."****

Source

May we cling to the truths of scripture.

May we pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). May with cast our anxiety on the Lord (1 Peter 5:6-7). May we be strong in Christ and not fear what circumstances come our way (Isaiah 35:3-5).  May we recognize that God has placed us here for a purpose, not just to survive (Matthew 6:25). May we not be anxious about tomorrow (Matthew 6:33-34). May we lift our voices in prayer instead of wasting away our days being anxious and worrying about things that God is sovereign over (Philippians 4:5-7).

Source

 
 Enough rambling for now...that picture was worth all the rest of my words (so stinkin' cute, right?). 

Prayer Focus for the Day: May we ask God to lead us to a place where we do not worry and we solely rely upon him for his provision. May we ask him to place people in our lives who can encourage us in this area of worry and anxiety. May we also ask God to place us in others' lives to be someone who is an encouragement to them.





****Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content (p. 116). Navpress. Kindle Edition. 

***Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content (p. 114). Navpress. Kindle Edition.

**Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content (p. 113). Navpress. Kindle Edition.

*Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content (p. 108). Navpress. Kindle Edition.  

A Prayer of Contentment

I know you're thinking, "What?!?!? Two posts in one day? I don't have time for this kind of rambling, Jessica." But I promise that you will not be disappointed. If you never read anything else that I write, please read this post (mostly because it's mostly written by someone else).


I'm reading the book a book called Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow*. The book was actually recommended to me by a blog reader and friend after I posted the confessions post a few weeks ago. I have thoroughly enjoyed this book thus far (I'm only on chapter three...but I'm a slow reader).


This excerpt of the book is coming from Psalm 139. Take few minutes to read it (by clicking the link) and then read this quote from the book. You will not regret it!

According to Psalm 139, God not only created your personality, He also gave you your body. Verse 15 reads, “My frame was not hidden from Thee, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth” (NASB).

In Hebrew, the word translated wrought means “embroidered.” It was the same Hebrew word used to refer to the skillful and artistic needlework in the curtains of the Old Testament tabernacle. When God fashioned you in your mother’s womb (described in the psalm as “the depths of the earth”), He embroidered with great skill. Although no one else could see you, God saw every detail of the formation of your body. As a weaver intricately embroiders colors together to create a beautiful pattern, God knit together your veins, muscles, nerves, and every curve and indentation that is uniquely yours. What tapestry can begin to equal the human fabric?

Perhaps you think other female tapestry is beautiful, but not yours. “I don’t like my nose, my hips, my breasts. In fact I really don’t like much about me.” All of us could list things we’d like changed about ourselves. But if we are displeased with our physical form, we’re really arguing with He is responsible for the color of our hair and the size of our nose and whether we have cellulite.

I’m not surprised that so many women struggle over their personal appearance. The values of our American culture are warped. We’re constantly bombarded with pressure created by the media to have a “perfect” body. This emphasis is wrong and unbiblical. As Christian women, we know this perspective is twisted, yet how easy it is to get caught up in the deadly disease of comparison.

My husband, Jody, believes that women look at other women more than men look at women. This may sound strange, but I think he’s right. We women analyze, scrutinize, and compare to see how we stack up to the supermodel in her skimpy bathing suit. I never come out looking very good. When we compare ourselves with others, we’re told we are without understanding. The Living Bible says we are “stupid” (2 Corinthians 10: 12).

Several years ago I read an article by the Reverend James Hufstetler** that put the comparison game in perspective.

You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did.

God wants each of us to praise Him for His workmanship in creating us.

George MacDonald***, the man C. S. Lewis called his mentor, wrote,

I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God’s thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.


This is a prayer of contentment.

*Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content . Navpress. Kindle Edition. 

**James Hufstetler, “On Knowing Oneself,” The Banner of Truth 280 (January 1987), p. 13.


***by J. R. Miller in a printed message, “Finding One’s Mission” (Swengel, PA: Peiner Publications, n.d.), p. 2.