Sitting in a booth, sharing a bagel with my mom, I was faced with
a new reality. We drank our coffee, shared a snack, and caught up with each
other - this was nothing out of the ordinary. Since my junior year of high
school, this was our routine. Even so, there was something different this time.
Here’s a little background information -
Two years ago (and around
the time of this mother/daughter coffee date), as a recent college
graduate, I lost about 20 pounds. Standing at only 5 feet tall with a curvy
frame, 20 pounds made a huge difference in the way I looked and felt.
I was the girl crash dieting and forcing myself into the gym
since early high school. I was the girl constantly tugging at her clothes and
explaining my weight anytime I got the chance, just to make sure that I
acknowledged my less-than-perfect body before anyone else did. So after months
of cutting out all the wrong foods and fueling myself with all the right foods,
my mom was curious as to why a bagel was my choice of snack that warm August
afternoon.
I don’t think that my mom meant for her words to impact me very
much or change my whole outlook – but I’m glad that they did. I truly believe
that she had a genuine curiosity about the maintenance phase of my weight loss
plan. But as she questioned, and I answered back with some vague excuse, her
next words hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Have you ever considered that your battle with self-esteem, food, and
your weight is more of a spiritual battle than anything else?” she
asked.
Quietly, I muttered, no. Over the next few weeks, I contemplated
this question almost constantly. I obsessed on it because I felt so silly for
never even considering that all of these years that I’ve struggled and been
overly self-conscience, I never once thought to give this “issue” to the Lord.
Why I hadn’t I? When I began dating my husband, which was about a
year before this, I prayed daily that God would allow us to connect mentally/intellectually
(when we began dating), spiritually (as we grew together as a couple),
emotionally (as things became more serious and we started talking about
marriage), and physically (after we wed). Now, all four of these things are all
extremely vital to building, maintaining, and enjoying our marriage. I think
that at some point in my life I just concluded that these four things made up every
aspect of our person. So why then, did I not apply these same principles, including the spiritual aspect, to my
only real consistent and long-term strife?
Although the answer really doesn’t matter as much as the
subsequent action, I realized over time that the answer really boils down to a
deep rooted fear. I feared letting go of control. But, as I just said, identifying the problem
is really only the first step. The important thing is how to change the
problem.
Therefore, in a day where young women are living in an over saturated, media-based culture that forces us to see its idea what
beautiful looks like, I want to extend a white flag of surrender for those who
are just tired of trying.
My advice to you is not to quit, but rather, loosen your grip a
little bit; let go. Here are some ways that I’ve learned to balance my struggle
in a healthier way.
•
Physically - The most obvious way to take
action on a struggle with self-esteem, food, and weight is by taking a physical
action. I’m not a medical professional, so I’ll just give you basic ideas that
I’ve learned from experience. Eat foods that come from nature. The means a diet
that contains higher protein and fiber and lower in carbohydrates, sugar, and
processed foods. Exercise as much as possible, but make it fun. If you like
running, add some fun music to your workout playlist. If you hate running, join
a gym that offers classes like cycling, kickboxing, or step aerobics. Exercise
with your friends or your significant other and challenge each other; a little
competition is always exciting. I’ve even started wearing a pedometer to work,
and I try to compete with myself each day to see if I can find ways to walk
more just by showing up at work.
•
Mentally/Intellectually - For me, this is
the easiest way to conquer my issue. I read a lot of health blogs, exercise
blogs, and articles on health and wellness. Sometime I enjoy reading books on
health and exercise, but many times books promote fad diets, and I try to steer
clear of those. Find a few blogs that you like, and follow them regularly. The
beneficial thing about a blog is that it’s a real person writing, so usually it
offers encouragement as well as tips, advice, and ideas. I’m reading a book
right now that was suggested to me by one of my friends/blog readers called Made
to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. I recommend it to anyone who struggles with “eating your feelings” as
I like to call it. Here’s one (of many)
quote from it that truly stuck out to me: “But, if I allowed my brain to
park in a place of dissatisfaction about any part of my body, it would give
Satan just enough room to move in with his lie that strips me of motivation: ‘Your
body is never going to look the way you want it to look, so why sacrifice so much?
Your discipline is in vain.’” Honestly, I could probably quote the whole book,
but that would make this post completely irrelevant – so go buy the book and read it for yourself!
•
Emotionally - Incorporating an emotional
aspect to battling against my weight and food is almost as hard for me as incorporating
a spiritual side. It’s really tough for me to be vulnerable enough with myself
to face what I like to call, “The Why’s”. Why am I so drawn to eat things that
I know in my head are not good for me? Why am I sitting on the couch talking on
the phone or watching TV when I can be walking around the neighborhood talking
on the phone or listening to music? Why do I crave unhealthy foods when I’m
mad/upset/hurt/sad? Why do I buy things at the grocery store that I know will
be tempting to me, even though I’ve been eating so good all week long?
Honestly, this list could go on and on, and I’m sure that everyone’s list will
be a variance of “The Why’s”. Many times it’s easy to find a surface level
answer, but to dig beneath the surface gets messy. I for one don’t like to face
the reason for why I turn to food for comfort, or why I remain sedentary when I
get home from a sedentary job. It’s painful, and many times the conclusion that
I come to is that my strength, will power, and efforts will never be enough for
me to make real progress in this area of my life. Which leads to my next
point...
•
Spiritually - If you look throughout the
bible, there are subtle, but clear references to food in relation to sin. Eve
ate the apple and the Israelites freaked out because they were running out of
food, just to name a few. But, as a beautiful picture of restoration, the bible
also uses images of food to encourage us. When Jesus is tempted in the desert,
the adversary tempts him with food, yet Jesus says that no man can live by
bread alone. In the gospel of John, Jesus declares, “I am the bread of life;
whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never
thirst” (John 6:35). Jesus also meets the physical need of people when he feeds
the 5,000 before he feeds them spiritually in Matthew 14. So, why then do we
not cast our burden - our answers to “The Why’s” on our Lord and Savior? Do we
think that our food issues or our weight issues are too petty for God? Do we
think that we should be strong enough to accomplish our weight loss goal on our
own? Or, do we deny that we even have a problem? Something that I’ve learned is
that the moment I replace God with food, I’m not only sinning, but I have a
problem that needs fixing by the Holy Spirit. When I’m offered a job, my
husband and I celebrate by going out to eat. The last time that this happened,
it took me almost a day to stop and praise God for providing a job for me. When
I’m upset about something, I’ll justify a bowl of ice cream after dinner and a
skipped day at the gym, but it might take me hours or even days to bring
whatever I’m upset about before the Lord. Does any of this sound familiar? This
issue of self-esteem, food, and weight is intricately connected with our
relationship with God. Treat it that way and give it the validity in your
prayers that its due.
As I look back on the last two years of my life, I almost start
to laugh at how it looks. I’d love to tell you that I’m where I want to be and
that the truth that my mom presented to me that day over coffee and a bagel has
whipped me into shape and now I’m exactly where I want to be. But the reality
of this truth that she spoke is that it’s a journey. It’s a spiritual journey,
and I don’t pretend that I have all the answers. But I will admit that since
that day, things have been different for me because God used my mom as a vessel
to reveal something important to me and it finally clicked. My hope and my
prayer is that, at the least, is that you’re encouraged by reading this. I’d
love for this to be that epiphany moment and you’re literally staring at your
computer right now with your hand on your forehead saying, “Man, why didn’t I
see this before?!” If that’s the case, I’m thankful that God has used a simple
girl like me, and I pray that he receives glory for it all.
That seems to about cover all I had to say today.
So then...
I've blogged to you...
Now you can blogbacktome.
