Fun for Everyone

So the random, middle-of-the-week holiday has come and gone. Does anyone else feel like it should be a Monday?

Happy belated 4th of July to everyone! I hope you all had  a great day. I had the day off, but Jason had to work. That made for a productive holiday for me!

Since I'm on week two of Weight Watchers, I didn't partake in any super delicious eating festivities until the end of the evening.

Jason's mom is coming in town tomorrow, so I wanted to make sure that I'm showing off [what will be] our apartment looking the best it can. By about 2:00, I was very proud of my progress, so I headed to the pool for about an hour.

After the pool, I got my shower and just kind of enjoyed some down time as I waited for Jason to get off work.

This was my first year in Birmingham on the 4th of July. Usually, I'm out of town or I'm at home with my family in Destin...so I really didn't know what Alabamians do on this holiday.

We ended up meeting up with some friends. We went to dinner at Pinches Tacos, where I ate way too many chips. We walked to Steel City Pops after that, and then to Homewood Park to watch the fireworks. We had a bit of time to kill at the park before the fireworks, so here's how Jason used his time -

 

Then I decided to join him -

 

I found that it's not super lady like to swing in a dress.

All in all, this was a fantastic 4th of July...especially compared to last year when I couldn't turn my head to see the fireworks due to a crick in my neck :( Thankfully, I started seeing a chiropractor who has taken care of that.

Asheville Wedding Weekend Recap

Source

Well, hello everyone! I am back after my little vacation/blogging hiatus.

I appreciate all of the prayers from last week for Rock the Block. We had such a wonderful time sharing Jesus with all of those little kiddos. As I mentioned last week, Jason and I taught the lesson on Wednesday. It went really well, but those kids definitely kept me on my toes. Great responses were given and good questions were asked. What else could we have asked for?

We also had a guest "speaker" that day. Jude (age 11) came to share his testimony and lead the group in worship. Jude's dad, Jim, is the owner of Steel City Pops and a friend from our church. He surprised us all and broke out an awesome stash of pops for the whole Rock the Block group!

Jim handing out popsicles.

Thursday we headed off to camp at Shocco Springs. Jason had been hired by the Alabama Baptist Children's Homes to shoot b-roll and some interviews for foster parent promo videos. I used to be an intern with their organization, and I still help out at the Children's Homes doing communications. So, I got to help out with social media and shooting some photos at camp. I always forget how much I love being a part of the Children's Homes until I'm back in the thick of everything. Jason and I also loved working together! We hope that maybe someday we'll be called to do just that...

The lake at Shocco Springs

After we left camp, we stopped for dinner at Sonny's BBQ (a.k.a. Jason's favorite place in the world) on our way to Atlanta. Jason stuck to his usual BBQ chicken, while I hit up the pretty amazing salad bar.

When we got to Atlanta, we didn't waste any time...we went straight to IKEA (a.k.a. one of my favorite places). Jason said that since we'd both worked really hard all day, we could spend up to $100! We came out with some really great ideas, a couple items, and we only spent $50!

What I would like our kitchen to look like someday.

What I would like our bed to look like...we bought the curtain and curtain rod!

After IKEA, we went to Jason's best friend from childhood's house. She and her husband live in such a cute little home in Atlanta. We had a great time visiting with her, and we're so thankful she opened up her adorable home to us.

Friday morning we hit the ground running. We were on the road by 9:00 (Atlanta time...so 8:00 to us) after a brief search for a Dunkin Donuts (COFFEE).

I drove most of the way to Asheville, NC, which actually ended up being really fun. I don't know why, but sometimes I just really really enjoy driving and then other times I hate it. I'm weird, I know...

We arrived in Asheville and went straight to Men's Wearhouse to pick up Jason's tux for the wedding. We had to hang around that area for a little while because they had the wrong size pants for Jason (try six sizes too big)...but that was okay with us. After we were done there, we drove around Asheville a little bit and snuck into a Sheraton to use their public restrooms to change for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner (hey, at least it was clean...that's all I've got to say about that). We attempted going to the Biltmore...but after seeing the $60/person price tag, we decided we'd come back when we could make a day out of it (we only had about an hour and a half).

The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner were fun and beautiful. It was great for Jason and I to see a lot of friends.

Jason and the groom.

Sarah and Cameron practicing their "I do".

Jason and I at the rehearsal dinner.

Samford groomsmen picture with the groom.

Saturday was the big day! Jason met up with the groomsmen at the mall in Asheville, which was 100% okay with me since that meant I got to shop! I found some great deals on what I'm calling "cruise clothes" (basically shorts, shirts, and dresses for our honeymoon cruise). I got Jason some "cruise clothes" too! His swim shorts ripped last time we were in Destin, so I found some on sale while I was shopping. They are the "Speedo" brand, but they're just normal board shorts. You should have seen Jason's face when he heard I bought him "Speedo" swim shorts :) I also got a pair of sandals for $3...how can you beat that? You just can't.

It was time for the wedding! I'll just sum up the whole thing with a couple of bullet points:

• Sarah looked incredibly beautiful
• Cameron is a super blessed guy
• Jason looked awesome in his tux (even if it was a little big on him)
• The food was good
• The friends were great
• I'm overly excited for The Free's! 

Being at Sarah and Cameron's wedding made me realize that my wedding is getting super close! I spent a lot of time on the phone with my mom this weekend going through decoration ideas and wedding plans. She even made all of the boutonnieres (along with a bunch of other really cool stuff)!

Red burlap boutonnieres for the guys.

Aren't they awesome?!

Monday, Jason and I went to our first pre-marital counseling session. I was really excited about beginning this phase of our engagement, and it definitely lived up its expectation. We really loved it and are so thankful for Pathway's Professional Counseling and their services in providing Christian counseling to Alabama. I can't wait to go back next week!

And with all of that said...GUESS WHAT?

Only 87 days until I'm Mrs. Morales!

Back to the Basics

As promised, today I have a food post. I've got pictures and I've even got a recipe for you!

Monday was a rainy day in Birmingham. Although it cleared up before I got home from work, I'd already set my sights on some soup and salad for dinner. I'm a huge fan of chicken noodle soup and so is Jason. I have adapted my recipe from a recipe that I found online almost a year ago. My version tends to send Jason into a blast from the past because he swears it tastes just like his grandma's recipe.

Chicken Soup with Orzo (serves 8):
Ingredients

• 1 box of orzo
• 1 lb.boneless, skinless chicken breast
• 1 can carrots
• 4 chicken bullion cubes
• 8 c. water
• Nature's Season by Morton to taste
• Salt to taste

Directions

1. Add 8 cups of water to a large pot. Set on medium/high heat and bring to a boil.
2. While the water is boiling, cube the chicken breast and saute it in a skillet. Add seasonings to taste.
3. When water is almost boiling, add bullion cubes and stir in seasonings to taste.
4. When water begins to boil, add whole box of Orzo.
5. Let the soup boil for 7 minutes. 
6. After 7 minutes, add the can of carrots (strain the liquid out) and the chicken.
7. Let boil for 3-5 more minutes.

I served my soup with a side salad made with romaine lettuce, feta cheese, and balsamic vinegar. Perfect for a sort of rainy evening!

Last night, Jason and I needed a date. We are quickly coming to learn that we have to make time for each other without any distractions. In the craziness of the tour ending and Jason getting reacquainted with living in Birmingham full-time, traveling, Jason moving, wedding planning, and just living life, we've kind of made our "Jason and Jessica time" less of a priority. Even if we are together, we're usually with other people or we're constantly on our phones or computers.

Tuesday had to be date night. We discussed putting it off until Wednesday or Thursday since we had to do some more moving and we actually had small group. But honestly, if we put it off last night, we probably would have put it off until next week. We're also learning that putting other things on the back burner for time together is important.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that Jason and I enjoy being social together. We enjoy being together with other people. It makes life a lot easier, fun, and we love our friends dearly. I honestly never thought we'd be the type of couple that struggled with having enough time together, but another thing I'm learning is that time together (meaning in the same room) doesn't always equal time together (meaning with no distractions).

The point: last night we went on a date.

Jason had purchased a Groupon for The Fish Market in Hoover. Neither of us had ever been there before, so we were excited to experience it for the first time!

The food was DELICIOUS! I'm usually super hesitant about ordering seafood anywhere that isn't near a large body of water, but this was definitely an exception to the rule.

I attempted to be healthy, but I ended up just making last night my splurge night. I had grilled grouper, popcorn shrimp, steamed broccoli, a baked potato, and hushpuppies. Jason ordered a lobster tail with fries and corn on the cob.

I rolled out of there feeling quite full. I also ordered a Diet Coke to go and left it on the table. I hate it when I do that!

After dinner we went to Target because Jason had something to return, and well, I love Target (it's my happy place). While we were there we decided to look at some of their furniture. We walked away last night with a dresser and chest of drawers! Obviously, they both need to be assembled, but that's Jason's project for the next few weeks :)

I just love Target.

While we were there, I also tried the Light Mocha Coconut Frapp from Starbucks. Totally yummy, but I doubt I'll get it again any time soon. Maybe I should have held out for some froyo? Oh well, ya live and ya learn!

Official moving day is coming up quickly for Jason (tomorrow), along with a super busy (but super fun) weekend! Please keep us in  your prayers as we adjust to all of these transitions and changes.

I'm sure you're tired of me rambling on about my date last night, but what can I say, it was much needed and totally exceeding my expectations!

Happy Wednesday everyone - the weekend is just around the corner!

[Worry] Warts are Gross

When I was in 4th grade I had to create a business as a school project. Our entire classroom was covered in upside down refrigerator boxes for about a month. I don't remember the name of our business, but I do know that at first our business failed. 

Then, we learned about worry dolls. 

My mom taught my friend and me how to make worry dolls out of clothespins. We made hundreds of them, and they sold so well! In the end, we didn't fail.

Source

Ironically, we didn't fail this project because worry exists in the world. In fact, not only does it exist, it is ever present and prevalent in our lives. 

Last week I introduced you all to the book I'm reading called Calm my Anxious Heart. Well, I'm finally on chapter nine. I took me a day and night to finish chapter eight. Yes, I'm a slow reader, but it took me so long because I truly struggled through the chapter called, "Worry is not a Rocking Chair".

If you've ever taken the Myers Briggs personality test, you'll know what I mean when I say that I'm very much a "J". I'm convinced that this personality trait, plus the fact that I'm a sinner living in fallen world, leaves me with a lot of worry. As Jason says, I'm a "worrier". 

This is me way too often.
Source

This chapter of the book went all military on me (meaning that it broke me down and then eventually it built me back up). When the author, Linda Dillow, did a study on the topic of worry among women, she found that women worry about these things the most:

• Money
• Parenting
• Marriage
• Health
• Job security
• Weight
• Threats

Here are the reasons why women worry about these things:

• The world is out of control
• Families are out of control
• My life is out of control

Like Linda, I can definitely identity with these women, but for me, this list of reasons begs the question:

Who IS in control?

As I've already stated in a previous post, we know that God is in control.

In the book, Linda places a quote at the beginning of this chapter.

"George Müller said, 'The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith. The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.'  All our fret and worry are caused by calculating without God."*

When she wrote, "We say with one breath that we trust God and with the next breath how worried we are! Worry and anxiety give a small thing a big shadow, and this shadow creates problems, not just in the soul and spirit, but in the body,"**

When I read this yesterday, I felt like Linda could see into my filthy, unfaithful heart.

How many of us do this? How many of us sit at church and nod our heads and sing and worship, go to bible study and live out our "good Christian life", but then when we are alone or when one thing doesn't go our way, we freak out and ask God why he's doing this to us? I know that I am so very guilty of this.

I could probably write a book myself just on this topic alone. I could go on and on about how the only thing that God has done for us is send his perfect and holy Son to die on the cross for our sins. I could state that we are all hypocrites and in the middle of circumstances that are less than ideal, we should cling to the cross rather than blame the Sacrifice. I might even would add that if God gave us what we deserve, we probably would be a lot more upset about where we'd all end up.

But, I'm not a preacher. I'm just a girl who writes a blog to share with those of you who read it about what I'm walking through in my life. So, keeping that in mind, I will fall back into line and tell you all that I fail at not being anxious and not worrying each and every day. I fail miserably.

(And here it is folks, the call to action. You must have known by now that it was coming soon)

If you feel like you may identify with this, if you, like me, are a chronic worrier, here is some truthes that are so obvious, but sometimes so difficult to truly embrace.

• Worry doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.**

• Perhaps the most striking characteristic of worry is its absolute impotence. Worry never changes a single thing except the worrier.**

• Worry is definitely counterproductive. Like our earlier illustration of a rocking chair, it doesn’t get us anywhere, but at least it gives us something to do, and women like to do something!***

• 1 Peter 5: 6-7 gave us an alternative to carrying the anxiety ourselves. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."****

Source

May we cling to the truths of scripture.

May we pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). May with cast our anxiety on the Lord (1 Peter 5:6-7). May we be strong in Christ and not fear what circumstances come our way (Isaiah 35:3-5).  May we recognize that God has placed us here for a purpose, not just to survive (Matthew 6:25). May we not be anxious about tomorrow (Matthew 6:33-34). May we lift our voices in prayer instead of wasting away our days being anxious and worrying about things that God is sovereign over (Philippians 4:5-7).

Source

 
 Enough rambling for now...that picture was worth all the rest of my words (so stinkin' cute, right?). 

Prayer Focus for the Day: May we ask God to lead us to a place where we do not worry and we solely rely upon him for his provision. May we ask him to place people in our lives who can encourage us in this area of worry and anxiety. May we also ask God to place us in others' lives to be someone who is an encouragement to them.





****Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content (p. 116). Navpress. Kindle Edition. 

***Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content (p. 114). Navpress. Kindle Edition.

**Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content (p. 113). Navpress. Kindle Edition.

*Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content (p. 108). Navpress. Kindle Edition.  

Busy Little Bee

Well, the last night and day have been super busy/productive for Jason and me.

As soon as I got home last night, I went to work making our Caribbean chicken. As promised, here's the recipe.

Caribbean Chicken:
Ingredients

• 1 lb. boneless skinless chicken fillets
• Caribbean Jerk marinade (I used the Great Value brand)
• Salt & Pepper
• 1/2 lime

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Pour half of the marinade into a bowl or container. Submerge raw chicken breasts in the marinade for 20 minutes.
3. Place chicken breasts in a oven safe pan and pour remaining marinade over the chicken breasts. Add salt and pepper as needed.
4. Bake chicken for 30 minutes.
5. Squeeze lime over chicken and serve. 

After dinner, Jason and I headed out to small group. It was so good to be back! 

When we got home, I was so excited to make my Avocado Vanilla Soft Serve. Unfortunately, mine tasted like baby food. I'm not sure what I did wrong. If you try the recipe from Itty Bitts of Balance and you figure out the secret, please let me know!

So what does one do when her desired tasty snack doesn't work out? She goes for Arctic Zero. 

150 calories per pint. 37 calories per serving.

Arctic Zero is a wonderful substitute for those of you with a constant hankering for ice cream. 

Today, I rolled with two boiled eggs for breakfast. 

For lunch I stuck with the usual salad, turkey, nonfat yogurt. 

I partook in the newly-added coffee hour that my friends and I are starting to get a little bit too accustomed to at work. 

When I got home for work, Jason and I took a nice walk along the Lakeshore trail. It was perfect weather and so convenient since it's about 1/2 a mile from our apartment. 

For dinner, I sautéed two tilapia fillets in teriyaki sauce. 

Tilapia with yellow squash and a sliced orange. 

After dinner, Jason and I borrowed a truck and headed down to Montevallo to look at a used washer and dryer. 

About an hour later...

...we had made a purchase! Thank you Craigslist!

Today's ramblings have been quick, but it's been a long 24 hours! 

Have you been productive this week?

Prayer focus for today: Pray for our country, and for the nations in general. As many of you know, our president made a bold statement today. Many people have strong opinions on his statement. May we seek the authority of our King and his Word, rather than depend solely on a fleeting presidency and this temporary life. 

T-shirts, Buses, and Autographs, Oh My!

Let me start out this post by saying THANK YOU! I have been overwhelmed by the encouragement of all of you who have expressed appreciation for my honesty on yesterday's post. I know this may sound silly, but I can honestly see that the Lord is working through what I'm writing each and every day. I started writing this blog on a pretty daily basis just because I missed writing and I wanted to do a cleanse. I had no idea that this would turn into a platform for me to share struggles and triumphs, encouragement, and prayer with people! I am certainly thankful for each one of you. Please, never hesitate to contact me via Facebook, Twitter, text, or email. I enjoy the encouragement, honesty, and prayers from others. I also love returning encouragement and offering up prayers!

I was so excited about posting again last night, but I was a little distracted. I went to see Switchfoot at Samford with a group of friends from church. The only thing that wasn't good about the night was the fact that Jason was in Tulsa, OK and Switchfoot is one of his favorite bands.

But wait...I'm getting ahead of myself.

Yesterday was a good day. I popped out of bed in time to do the 30 Day Shred before work. I'm a little sore today, but not as bad as usual. That's a good sign, right?

I was super hungry after that, so I ate some Great Value nonfat vanilla yogurt while I was getting ready for work. I also drank some water because the 30 Day Shred always makes me thirsty.

I was really excited about my lunch yesterday. It wasn't anything special, but it was healthy and it tasted good.

Only the front mug is full. The other two were just previous hot beverages.

Lunch:
2 oz. deli turkey
1 slice reduced fat provolone cheese
1.5 c. spinach leaves
1 tbsp. chia seeds
2 tbsp. balsamic vinegar
1 sugar free Jello cup
8 strawberries
1 green apple
1/2 cucumber sliced

I also realized after I finished eating that I was going to need some coffee.

As soon as I got home I saw another Arnold in the hallway! Wedding gift #2 had arrived!!! This time Jason wasn't here to open it with me, but that's okay. Technology is wonderful. I sent him pictures and we got to celebrate together via text message.

Yay for big boxes and bedding! We honestly need both.

Then I went to work making dinner. I get home around 5:20 or 5:30 each day. Yesterday, I had to make dinner and eat before 6:15 because that's what time we were leaving to get to Samford for Switchfoot. I decided to make a Taco Bake, which is really just a nice little name I created for combining all my favorite taco fixins.

Taco Bake:
Ingredients

• 1 lb. lean ground beef
• 1 packet Old El Paso Original Taco Seasoning
• 2/3 c. water
• 1 can black beans, drained
• 1 can diced tomatoes, drained (no salt added)
• 1 small jar medium salsa
• 1/2 c. Kraft fat free cheddar cheese, shredded

Directions

1. Preheat oven at 350 degrees.
2. Brown the ground beef and drain out the oil.
3. Mix all of the first five ingredients in a large skillet.
4. Pour mixture into a square casserole dish. 
5. Spread salsa over the top.
6. Sprinkle cheese to cover the top in a light layer.
7. Bake in the oven for 20 minutes.

It was delish! One of my friends arrived as I was finishing up eating. I offered him some Taco Bake and he seemed to like it. I also had plenty left for leftovers!

Next, it was finally time for Switchfoot.

Here's the rundown of the night -

Get to Samford.

Feel awkward because we were about 5-7 years older than all the kids (literally kids) standing on the floor.

Finally the opening band comes out to play. I like The Rocket Summer but I don't know a lot of their stuff. They were good though.

Realize I left all of my money in the car.

Run to my car to get my credit card so I can buy Jason some merch.

Text Jason to see which Switchfoot shirt he wanted.

Stand there and wait for him to reply.

Decide not to wait any longer. A line was forming behind me, and having a fiance who sells band merch for a living, I didn't want to be that girl.

Buy Jason a black shirt. Buy myself a little something too.

Go back inside and find my group. Wait patiently for Switchfoot to take the stage.

Watch Switchfoot put on an awesome show.

Wait outside for Jon Foreman.

Walk around the backside of the Pete Hanna Center to find the buses.

Wait for Jon Foreman some more.

Meet Jon Foreman.

I got starstruck for sure...but not as much as the girl who had him sign her Samford ID.

Tell Jason. Jason got jealous.

Decide to possibly drive to Chattanooga next week to see Switchfoot again. This time with Jason (P.S. If anyone knows a place we could possibly stay, let me know, seriously!).

So that about sums up what turned out to be a really awesome day.

As usual, here is my calorie count for the day (much better than Wednesaday):

It's Friday, so enjoy the weekend and the goings on of finals, Springtime, or whatever it is you kids do these days :)

Enough rambling, I must go eat lunch!

These are my Confessions

Last night a couple of things happened.

1. My internet went out from 8:00 in the evening until I went to bed.
2. Jason called to get Charter to fix my internet...without me asking him to (he gets major points for this).
3. I ate lots of pistachios before dinner.
4. I watched TV for about four hours.
5. I had a relapse. 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I relapsed.

This morning I woke and felt how I suppose Peter felt in Matthew 14 when Jesus walks on water.

Matthew 14:28-33 says, "And Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.' He said, 'Come.' So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, 'Lord, save me.'  Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?' And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'Truly you are the Son of God.'"

Last night as I sat on my couch digging into a pint of ice cream, I felt like a hypocrite. But as I went to bed a few hours later, I realized that this was bound to happen and God will definitely use my lack of self-control for His glory. 

Here's what happened:

I've been waking up every morning and weighing myself. Yesterday, I weight myself and instead of being down another pound or so, I was up two pounds. I thought to myself, "That's okay, just keep on being healthy and it'll be fine." But really, I was kind of freaking out.

So throughout the day, I snacked more than I usually do on things like M&M's. Not a lot of M&M's, just a few here or there. Then, when I got home, I wanted a few pistachios; I ate the rest of the bag. Then, I made dinner. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Then, I wanted something sweet so I poured some strawberry Greek yogurt into a bowl and mixed in a teaspoon of Nutella. Then, I ate the rest of the Nutella that was in the jar (it wasn't much, but I literally cleaned it out). Then, I still wasn't satisfied, so I grabbed my emergency pint of TCBY frozen yogurt that I bought in case I wanted a TASTE of something sweet. I ate the whole thing. Then I had a pity party, watched more TV, got mad at Charter, and went to bed.  

My really large stack of pistachio shells and my leftovers from Tuesday night.

What the heck? I ate fruits and veggies AND tomatoes last week and withstood tons of temptation! What was I doing? 

Nutella is a problem.

I wasn't having faith. I forgot that God is in control and I forgot that my life is completely in his hands...even this! I forgot that I'm in a spiritual battle here.  

Notice the negative calories at the top.

I then remembered that I've always done this. I'd be good at being healthy for a week or two, and then I would start questioning God, "Why do I have to work at this so hard? Why can't I look like her, or her, or even her?" Last night wasn't about the food or the calories I consumed, it was about relapsing into my lack of faith.  

Here's the difference between the dozens of times I've done this in the past and today: it's not a secret. 

Luke 12:2-3 says, "Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops."

James 5:16 says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." 

These verses directly point to the fact that I must not hide my weakness, or my sin. I know it sounds extreme to say that by eating Nutella and ice cream in the same night, I'm sinning. But as I said, it's not about the food, it's about a lack of faith.  

I know that I am not in the battle alone. So won't you pray with me and for me today?

How can I pray for you? None of us are in alone. 

Today is also the National Day of Prayer. 

Let us stand strong as the body of Christ and take our ramblings to our heavenly Father, for he cares for us deeply.  

*For more background information on my lifelong battle with a healthy lifestyle, read here. 

Day 5 (Part 1): Wednesday Wake-Up Call

Is it just me or is this week going by pretty slow? It's probably because I've got my sights set on Saturday...for many reasons. Reuniting with coffee is definitely up there on the list, but I'm also going to be at my parent's house this weekend in Destin and I'll be wedding dress shopping (finally)! So the days seem to linger on a little more than I'd like, but it's definitely given me a lot of time to reflect.

I've never been one to put my deepest feelings on the internet. You won't find any posts from me on Facebook that passive-aggressively hint (or rather directly point) to a fight or argument I've had with Jason or my mom. There aren't any notes of deep seeded feelings about life and how I need to pursue more make some big life altering change.

But...in doing this cleanse and having time to reflect on how I'm feeling, whether or not I'm hungry, and deciding if I'm going to pass out or not (that's a joke, kind of) and through all of this over the last four days, I've realized something about myself that is important for anyone reading my blog to reflect on themselves.

Self-image issues are something that haunt most woman, and unfortunately many teenage girls as well. Most of us don't like to admit it, but it's true. I'm not claiming to have a cure for loving yourself better or looking your best tomorrow, but I do think that I've come to realize something important that will truly change my life, and hopefully yours.

Are you ready for it?

Here it is...

God is in control. 

Simple, right? You'd think that. But it's undoubtedly the most complex and complicated thing for me to grasp. I'm always trying to take over!

If you read my first blog leading up to the cleanse (read it here), you'll see that I've always struggled with my weight. I remember being in second grade and looking around at the kids in P.E. and wondering why I couldn't run as fast as they could, and why my stomach was rounder than theirs. In middle school, I cheered and danced on my school's Cheer/Dance Team and I wore the little cheerleading and dance outfits, but I was also so uncomfortable going out to perform in front of my peers. I remember when my team ordered new cheerleading outfits and I had one of the biggest skirts. Looking back at that point in my life, I wasn't fat, or even really chubby, I'm just curvy. I realize that now, but as we all know, in the moment (and especially at 13 when I just wanted to fit in) I was so hard on myself and I wondered why I could not overcome this. In high school, I quit cheering and dancing to pursue other extracurricular activities and I started gaining weight fast. My mom let me have a personal trainer for a little while just so I could learn the correct way to work out and exercise. At that time, TrimSpa was really popular for girls at my high school to take and they lost weight fast, but it was not in any way healthy. I think my mom feared that I would do that, so she was trying to cut me off before I got to that point.

Here's where things got tricky. No matter what I did, I could not lose the weight. Over the course of about a year I gained 30-40 pounds. I was a 16-year-old girl, growing up in Destin on the beach, and I hated the way I looked in a swim suit. So, my mom started taking me to doctors. To make a long story short, about a year later I found out that I'm insulin resistant. From the moment I found out, I knew that my whole life it would always be harder for me to lose weight. And boy was I right.

College was a combination of ups and downs with my weight. This is when I realized that I have issues with food and exercise. I'm a fixer, and I like instant results. If I run for a week, I want to reap the benefits of it. I want to see more muscle and less fat by the end of the day. Obviously, I know that's not how it works, but I've never been satisfied with this whole waiting and keep working thing.

I also learned in college that I'm an emotional eater. The summer/fall of my sophomore year at Samford was the smallest and healthiest I've probably been since I was 14. I was running about three or four days a week and I was eating really healthy. Then, around Thanksgiving that year, my family started facing a lot of persecution and going through the biggest trial of our lives. I began eating for pleasure and comfort rather than eating for energy and I gained all of my weight back...and then some.

For the most part, that leads us to now. Now I'm just shy of 23-years-old and I'm getting married in less than five months. Now, I am the biggest I've ever been and I don't understand why. I eat healthy, or at least fairly healthy. I exercise pretty regularly. Why can't I lose weight?

This question has literally been haunting me for months.

Last night I was reading Matthew 15 and 16. Those are the passages of scripture that talk about what defiles a person, Jesus feeds the four thousand, the Sadducees and Pharisees demand signs, Peter confesses Jesus as the Christ, and the call for us to take up our cross and follow Jesus. Nothing about weight loss or self-esteem in there. Right? Well, no, not directly.

Here's what stuck out to me though: the story of the Canaanite woman. This woman was not Jewish, but she is asking Jesus to heal her daughter of a demon. Jesus basically just states that he was sent for the people of Israel (the Jewish people). He uses and analogy of taking children's bread and giving it to the dogs. But here's where it gets good.

Matthew 15:27-28 says, "She said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table.” Then Jesus answered her, “O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed instantly."

I'm not claiming to have an issue like this woman's. And I'm not expecting for Jesus to just say a few words and for me to be at my ideal weight or size. But, I do want Jesus to look at his daughter, Jessica Sansom, and say, "O woman, great is your faith!" Honestly, that is my deepest desire. 

For me, a healthy lifestyle and losing weight a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual battle. There are not many things in my life that come this difficult for me, but this is certainly one of them. 

I've always known this was a physical battle. When I found out that that I am insulin resistant, I realized that it was a mental battle. In college when my family was facing persecution and trials I realized it was an emotional battle. But just now I'm realizing that this is a spiritual battle. 

This this brings me to the "call to action" so to speak. What am I going to do about this? How will I fight this battle? 

Well, I'm going to pray first. I'm going to seek God. I'm going to dive into his Word. And then I'm going to be obedient. 


I know that this blog post has been long and you probably know way more about me than you'd ever care to. But I hope and pray with everything in me that this post touches and helps at least one other person. 


Like I said, we all have image and self-esteem issues. Whether or not they dominate our thoughts, minds, or lives is irrelevant. Or maybe your biggest issues aren't self-esteem or self-image, but rather something else. But regardless of what they are, have you given your issues to God? Have you called out to him? Have you accepted that he is in control and is sovereign over you and over your life?


For once, I need to stop rambling and just pray. Will you be in prayer with me today?