I'm just going to warn you right now, buckle up because I'm probably going to reach a new level of rambling today. I've had the topic that I'm writing about on my mind for quite some time, and I feel like I've meditated on it enough that I finally have the courage to write about it.
I decided a couple of weeks ago that I have a theme song, at least a song for right now. I've mentioned before that I'm am overly affected by music and that it can really can steer my emotions. While I was on the treadmill about two weeks ago, The War Inside by Switchfoot came on. If you've never heard the song, it's really a great workout song, so I'd recommend adding that one to your playlist. But something about it just lit a fire inside of me...of about two days.
Isn't that how we are though? Don't we set our mind to something and we build up our determination, just to watch it crumble when it gets tough or uncomfortable? Maybe it's just me, but I'm pretty bad at sticking to things that are super tough, even when deep down I know that I want to.
Last week, for some reason I had these words swimming around in my head...all...week...long: "I do want I don't want to do and I don't do what I do want to do." These words derived from the words of Paul in the New Testament when he wrote about his sin.
"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am!" - Romans 7:14-24
Okay, so admittedly, I'm not the best at memorizing scripture word-for-word...but I had the gist of it rolling around in my brain for days.
I keep setting my mind to things: eating good, sticking to Weight Watchers, working out on a daily basis, lowering my carb/sugar intake, not eating dessert, making healthy choices even when we're out, etc. I keep setting my mind to things and then at the drop of a hat, I just abandon them...even though I don't want to. I go for the ice cream, or I turn off my alarm in the morning, day after day after day. Obviously, I'm not saying that eating ice cream or sleeping until 7:00 rather than 6:00 is evil, like Paul is saying about his sin, I'm just saying that by my own strength, I cannot conquer any battle.
As you've probably gathered by now from my blog, I really do hate putting bad things into my body. I really do hate going days at a time without working out. I really do want to be healthy and want to exercise. But than wretched sin that dwells within me goes against my better thoughts and desires and just takes over.
I'd been really really hard on myself over the weekend. Jason was in a wedding so our dinners were provided to us at the wedding and rehearsal dinner, so it made it very difficult to stick to what I wanted to eat, which were healthy things (or at least healthier).
So there I was on Sunday afternoon, relaxing on the couch, and trying with everything inside of me to hold off on snacking and just wait until dinner. It was time to leave the apartment for church. Jason and I had been hanging out that afternoon, so we loaded into the car, and headed off.
We made a few pit stops to turn in his tux from the wedding and also to peak into the new LOFT at the Summit (I'm a big fan by the way). While we were in LOFT, I tried on multiple items that didn't fit. I took the jeans that I really liked (but were one size to small) up to the register to see if they could get them from another store. The sales lady kindly told me that the size I had in my hands was the biggest size they carry in the store. Talk about humiliating. Talk about being really down on myself. Internally, I was a mess.
Finally we arrived at church. I was so ready to just worship my Savior and Creator and just spend some concentrated time in corporate worship and study in His Word. Our executive pastor was the one preaching that day, and he told us to open our bibles to Romans 7. He explained that the text he would be preaching on that evening is very difficult to preach on, but absolutely necessary. The words he spoke could not have been more true.
You see, he started out in Romans 7:14, which is where I had been kind of lingering all week long. But he did something that I had been failing to do...he kept reading.
After Paul goes on and on about how dreadful this sin problem is, he says this:
"Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks
be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the
law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." - Romans 7:25-8:2
[Here's the part that's hard for me to admit]
During his sermon, the pastor then said something that truly cut me to the core and convicted me in a way that I haven't been convicted in quite a while.
I'm so bad about comparing myself to other people. Maybe it's the way the look and I figure out if I'm bigger than them, smaller than them, or the same. Maybe it's looking at someone's lifestyle or choices and knowing that they're walking an outwardly sinful life and concluding that I'm probably better off because most sin that I have (and I do realize that we ALL sin) in usually more inward. I'm very quick to just brush off my lack of self-control or my readiness to give up at something as me just "accepting myself the way I am". And while I do think it's important to know and understand that God has created each of us and we are His workmanship, my tendencies are nothing less than sin.
Here's what he said (this isn't word-for-word, but it's the best I could remember when I was jotting it all down): "We may look down the road and say to ourselves, 'Well, at least I'm not a drug addict like my neighbor over there.' But if we are growing Christians, we should look at ourselves in the mirror and say, 'I'm worse, I'm a a believer and I'm a pride addict, or a stuff addict, or a food addict.'"
May I recognize the sin in my life and call it what it is. May I do so, not to be self-deprecating, but the be a growing believer.
I know that most of you
have probably had that Sunday when you're sitting in the congregation
minding your own business and then the pastor decides to basically call
you out (not literally, but you feel like it). I have had many
occasion such as this, and Sunday evening was definitely one of those
times. I wanted to stand up and just say, "I get it, God! Thank you! Thank you God for
saving me even me!"
I am set free by the blood of Jesus Christ. It doesn't matter what I do or how hard I try, I can never accomplish or defeat a battle without Him.
“The Christian life is a life of continual struggle, of victories and defeats, and Christian victory comes only when we totally distrust self, and rely on the provision of God. How frequently we throw works out the front door of justification, and invite them in the back door of sanctification.” - John Stott
This weekend I was reminded that there is a "war inside". There's a battle for my soul. But I take refuge in the fact that I also have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of my soul. I am His, therefore there is no battle that will not be won.
Showing posts with label relapse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relapse. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Friday, May 11, 2012
A Prayer of Contentment
I know you're thinking, "What?!?!? Two posts in one day? I don't have time for this kind of rambling, Jessica." But I promise that you will not be disappointed. If you never read anything else that I write, please read this post (mostly because it's mostly written by someone else).
I'm reading the book a book called Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow*. The book was actually recommended to me by a blog reader and friend after I posted the confessions post a few weeks ago. I have thoroughly enjoyed this book thus far (I'm only on chapter three...but I'm a slow reader).
This excerpt of the book is coming from Psalm 139. Take few minutes to read it (by clicking the link) and then read this quote from the book. You will not regret it!
According to Psalm 139, God not only created your personality, He also gave you your body. Verse 15 reads, “My frame was not hidden from Thee, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth” (NASB).
In Hebrew, the word translated wrought means “embroidered.” It was the same Hebrew word used to refer to the skillful and artistic needlework in the curtains of the Old Testament tabernacle. When God fashioned you in your mother’s womb (described in the psalm as “the depths of the earth”), He embroidered with great skill. Although no one else could see you, God saw every detail of the formation of your body. As a weaver intricately embroiders colors together to create a beautiful pattern, God knit together your veins, muscles, nerves, and every curve and indentation that is uniquely yours. What tapestry can begin to equal the human fabric?
Perhaps you think other female tapestry is beautiful, but not yours. “I don’t like my nose, my hips, my breasts. In fact I really don’t like much about me.” All of us could list things we’d like changed about ourselves. But if we are displeased with our physical form, we’re really arguing with He is responsible for the color of our hair and the size of our nose and whether we have cellulite.
I’m not surprised that so many women struggle over their personal appearance. The values of our American culture are warped. We’re constantly bombarded with pressure created by the media to have a “perfect” body. This emphasis is wrong and unbiblical. As Christian women, we know this perspective is twisted, yet how easy it is to get caught up in the deadly disease of comparison.
My husband, Jody, believes that women look at other women more than men look at women. This may sound strange, but I think he’s right. We women analyze, scrutinize, and compare to see how we stack up to the supermodel in her skimpy bathing suit. I never come out looking very good. When we compare ourselves with others, we’re told we are without understanding. The Living Bible says we are “stupid” (2 Corinthians 10: 12).
Several years ago I read an article by the Reverend James Hufstetler** that put the comparison game in perspective.
You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did.
God wants each of us to praise Him for His workmanship in creating us.
George MacDonald***, the man C. S. Lewis called his mentor, wrote,
I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God’s thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.
This is a prayer of contentment.
*Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content . Navpress. Kindle Edition.
**James Hufstetler, “On Knowing Oneself,” The Banner of Truth 280 (January 1987), p. 13.
***by J. R. Miller in a printed message, “Finding One’s Mission” (Swengel, PA: Peiner Publications, n.d.), p. 2.
I'm reading the book a book called Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow*. The book was actually recommended to me by a blog reader and friend after I posted the confessions post a few weeks ago. I have thoroughly enjoyed this book thus far (I'm only on chapter three...but I'm a slow reader).
This excerpt of the book is coming from Psalm 139. Take few minutes to read it (by clicking the link) and then read this quote from the book. You will not regret it!
According to Psalm 139, God not only created your personality, He also gave you your body. Verse 15 reads, “My frame was not hidden from Thee, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth” (NASB).
In Hebrew, the word translated wrought means “embroidered.” It was the same Hebrew word used to refer to the skillful and artistic needlework in the curtains of the Old Testament tabernacle. When God fashioned you in your mother’s womb (described in the psalm as “the depths of the earth”), He embroidered with great skill. Although no one else could see you, God saw every detail of the formation of your body. As a weaver intricately embroiders colors together to create a beautiful pattern, God knit together your veins, muscles, nerves, and every curve and indentation that is uniquely yours. What tapestry can begin to equal the human fabric?
Perhaps you think other female tapestry is beautiful, but not yours. “I don’t like my nose, my hips, my breasts. In fact I really don’t like much about me.” All of us could list things we’d like changed about ourselves. But if we are displeased with our physical form, we’re really arguing with He is responsible for the color of our hair and the size of our nose and whether we have cellulite.
I’m not surprised that so many women struggle over their personal appearance. The values of our American culture are warped. We’re constantly bombarded with pressure created by the media to have a “perfect” body. This emphasis is wrong and unbiblical. As Christian women, we know this perspective is twisted, yet how easy it is to get caught up in the deadly disease of comparison.
My husband, Jody, believes that women look at other women more than men look at women. This may sound strange, but I think he’s right. We women analyze, scrutinize, and compare to see how we stack up to the supermodel in her skimpy bathing suit. I never come out looking very good. When we compare ourselves with others, we’re told we are without understanding. The Living Bible says we are “stupid” (2 Corinthians 10: 12).
Several years ago I read an article by the Reverend James Hufstetler** that put the comparison game in perspective.
You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did.
God wants each of us to praise Him for His workmanship in creating us.
George MacDonald***, the man C. S. Lewis called his mentor, wrote,
I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God’s thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.
This is a prayer of contentment.
*Dillow, Linda (2012-01-05). Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment with Bonus Content . Navpress. Kindle Edition.
**James Hufstetler, “On Knowing Oneself,” The Banner of Truth 280 (January 1987), p. 13.
***by J. R. Miller in a printed message, “Finding One’s Mission” (Swengel, PA: Peiner Publications, n.d.), p. 2.
Friday, May 4, 2012
T-shirts, Buses, and Autographs, Oh My!
Let me start out this post by saying THANK YOU! I have been overwhelmed by the encouragement of all of you who have expressed appreciation for my honesty on yesterday's post. I know this may sound silly, but I can honestly see that the Lord is working through what I'm writing each and every day. I started writing this blog on a pretty daily basis just because I missed writing and I wanted to do a cleanse. I had no idea that this would turn into a platform for me to share struggles and triumphs, encouragement, and prayer with people! I am certainly thankful for each one of you. Please, never hesitate to contact me via Facebook, Twitter, text, or email. I enjoy the encouragement, honesty, and prayers from others. I also love returning encouragement and offering up prayers!
I was so excited about posting again last night, but I was a little distracted. I went to see Switchfoot at Samford with a group of friends from church. The only thing that wasn't good about the night was the fact that Jason was in Tulsa, OK and Switchfoot is one of his favorite bands.
But wait...I'm getting ahead of myself.
Yesterday was a good day. I popped out of bed in time to do the 30 Day Shred before work. I'm a little sore today, but not as bad as usual. That's a good sign, right?
I was super hungry after that, so I ate some Great Value nonfat vanilla yogurt while I was getting ready for work. I also drank some water because the 30 Day Shred always makes me thirsty.
I was really excited about my lunch yesterday. It wasn't anything special, but it was healthy and it tasted good.
Lunch:
2 oz. deli turkey
1 slice reduced fat provolone cheese
1.5 c. spinach leaves
1 tbsp. chia seeds
2 tbsp. balsamic vinegar
1 sugar free Jello cup
8 strawberries
1 green apple
1/2 cucumber sliced
I also realized after I finished eating that I was going to need some coffee.
As soon as I got home I saw another Arnold in the hallway! Wedding gift #2 had arrived!!! This time Jason wasn't here to open it with me, but that's okay. Technology is wonderful. I sent him pictures and we got to celebrate together via text message.
Then I went to work making dinner. I get home around 5:20 or 5:30 each day. Yesterday, I had to make dinner and eat before 6:15 because that's what time we were leaving to get to Samford for Switchfoot. I decided to make a Taco Bake, which is really just a nice little name I created for combining all my favorite taco fixins.
Taco Bake:
Ingredients
It was delish! One of my friends arrived as I was finishing up eating. I offered him some Taco Bake and he seemed to like it. I also had plenty left for leftovers!
Next, it was finally time for Switchfoot.
Here's the rundown of the night -
Get to Samford.
Feel awkward because we were about 5-7 years older than all the kids (literally kids) standing on the floor.
Finally the opening band comes out to play. I like The Rocket Summer but I don't know a lot of their stuff. They were good though.
Realize I left all of my money in the car.
Run to my car to get my credit card so I can buy Jason some merch.
Text Jason to see which Switchfoot shirt he wanted.
Stand there and wait for him to reply.
Decide not to wait any longer. A line was forming behind me, and having a fiance who sells band merch for a living, I didn't want to be that girl.
Buy Jason a black shirt. Buy myself a little something too.
Go back inside and find my group. Wait patiently for Switchfoot to take the stage.
Watch Switchfoot put on an awesome show.
Wait outside for Jon Foreman.
Walk around the backside of the Pete Hanna Center to find the buses.
Wait for Jon Foreman some more.
Meet Jon Foreman.
Tell Jason. Jason got jealous.
Decide to possibly drive to Chattanooga next week to see Switchfoot again. This time with Jason (P.S. If anyone knows a place we could possibly stay, let me know, seriously!).
So that about sums up what turned out to be a really awesome day.
As usual, here is my calorie count for the day (much better than Wednesaday):
It's Friday, so enjoy the weekend and the goings on of finals, Springtime, or whatever it is you kids do these days :)
Enough rambling, I must go eat lunch!
I was so excited about posting again last night, but I was a little distracted. I went to see Switchfoot at Samford with a group of friends from church. The only thing that wasn't good about the night was the fact that Jason was in Tulsa, OK and Switchfoot is one of his favorite bands.
But wait...I'm getting ahead of myself.
Yesterday was a good day. I popped out of bed in time to do the 30 Day Shred before work. I'm a little sore today, but not as bad as usual. That's a good sign, right?
I was super hungry after that, so I ate some Great Value nonfat vanilla yogurt while I was getting ready for work. I also drank some water because the 30 Day Shred always makes me thirsty.
I was really excited about my lunch yesterday. It wasn't anything special, but it was healthy and it tasted good.
 |
| Only the front mug is full. The other two were just previous hot beverages. |
Lunch:
2 oz. deli turkey
1 slice reduced fat provolone cheese
1.5 c. spinach leaves
1 tbsp. chia seeds
2 tbsp. balsamic vinegar
1 sugar free Jello cup
8 strawberries
1 green apple
1/2 cucumber sliced
I also realized after I finished eating that I was going to need some coffee.
As soon as I got home I saw another Arnold in the hallway! Wedding gift #2 had arrived!!! This time Jason wasn't here to open it with me, but that's okay. Technology is wonderful. I sent him pictures and we got to celebrate together via text message.
 |
| Yay for big boxes and bedding! We honestly need both. |
Then I went to work making dinner. I get home around 5:20 or 5:30 each day. Yesterday, I had to make dinner and eat before 6:15 because that's what time we were leaving to get to Samford for Switchfoot. I decided to make a Taco Bake, which is really just a nice little name I created for combining all my favorite taco fixins.
Taco Bake:
Ingredients
- 1 lb. lean ground beef
- 1 packet Old El Paso Original Taco Seasoning
- 2/3 c. water
- 1 can black beans, drained
- 1 can diced tomatoes, drained (no salt added)
- 1 small jar medium salsa
- 1/2 c. Kraft fat free cheddar cheese, shredded
- Preheat oven at 350 degrees.
- Brown the ground beef and drain out the oil.
- Mix all of the first five ingredients in a large skillet.
- Pour mixture into a square casserole dish.
- Spread salsa over the top.
- Sprinkle cheese to cover the top in a light layer.
- Bake in the oven for 20 minutes.
It was delish! One of my friends arrived as I was finishing up eating. I offered him some Taco Bake and he seemed to like it. I also had plenty left for leftovers!
Next, it was finally time for Switchfoot.
Here's the rundown of the night -
Get to Samford.
Feel awkward because we were about 5-7 years older than all the kids (literally kids) standing on the floor.
Finally the opening band comes out to play. I like The Rocket Summer but I don't know a lot of their stuff. They were good though.
Realize I left all of my money in the car.
Run to my car to get my credit card so I can buy Jason some merch.
Text Jason to see which Switchfoot shirt he wanted.
Stand there and wait for him to reply.
Decide not to wait any longer. A line was forming behind me, and having a fiance who sells band merch for a living, I didn't want to be that girl.
Buy Jason a black shirt. Buy myself a little something too.
Go back inside and find my group. Wait patiently for Switchfoot to take the stage.
Watch Switchfoot put on an awesome show.
Wait outside for Jon Foreman.
Walk around the backside of the Pete Hanna Center to find the buses.
Wait for Jon Foreman some more.
Meet Jon Foreman.
 |
| I got starstruck for sure...but not as much as the girl who had him sign her Samford ID. |
Tell Jason. Jason got jealous.
Decide to possibly drive to Chattanooga next week to see Switchfoot again. This time with Jason (P.S. If anyone knows a place we could possibly stay, let me know, seriously!).
So that about sums up what turned out to be a really awesome day.
As usual, here is my calorie count for the day (much better than Wednesaday):
It's Friday, so enjoy the weekend and the goings on of finals, Springtime, or whatever it is you kids do these days :)
Enough rambling, I must go eat lunch!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
These are my Confessions
Last night a couple of things happened.
This morning I woke and felt how I suppose Peter felt in Matthew 14 when Jesus walks on water.
Matthew 14:28-33 says, "And Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.' He said, 'Come.' So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, 'Lord, save me.' Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?' And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'Truly you are the Son of God.'"
Last night as I sat on my couch digging into a pint of ice cream, I felt like a hypocrite. But as I went to bed a few hours later, I realized that this was bound to happen and God will definitely use my lack of self-control for His glory.
Here's what happened:
I've been waking up every morning and weighing myself. Yesterday, I weight myself and instead of being down another pound or so, I was up two pounds. I thought to myself, "That's okay, just keep on being healthy and it'll be fine." But really, I was kind of freaking out.
So throughout the day, I snacked more than I usually do on things like M&M's. Not a lot of M&M's, just a few here or there. Then, when I got home, I wanted a few pistachios; I ate the rest of the bag. Then, I made dinner. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Then, I wanted something sweet so I poured some strawberry Greek yogurt into a bowl and mixed in a teaspoon of Nutella. Then, I ate the rest of the Nutella that was in the jar (it wasn't much, but I literally cleaned it out). Then, I still wasn't satisfied, so I grabbed my emergency pint of TCBY frozen yogurt that I bought in case I wanted a TASTE of something sweet. I ate the whole thing. Then I had a pity party, watched more TV, got mad at Charter, and went to bed.
What the heck? I ate fruits and veggies AND tomatoes last week and withstood tons of temptation! What was I doing?
I wasn't having faith. I forgot that God is in control and I forgot that my life is completely in his hands...even this! I forgot that I'm in a spiritual battle here.
I then remembered that I've always done this. I'd be good at being healthy for a week or two, and then I would start questioning God, "Why do I have to work at this so hard? Why can't I look like her, or her, or even her?" Last night wasn't about the food or the calories I consumed, it was about relapsing into my lack of faith.
Here's the difference between the dozens of times I've done this in the past and today: it's not a secret.
Luke 12:2-3 says, "Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops."
James 5:16 says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
These verses directly point to the fact that I must not hide my weakness, or my sin. I know it sounds extreme to say that by eating Nutella and ice cream in the same night, I'm sinning. But as I said, it's not about the food, it's about a lack of faith.
I know that I am not in the battle alone. So won't you pray with me and for me today?
How can I pray for you? None of us are in alone.
Today is also the National Day of Prayer.
Let us stand strong as the body of Christ and take our ramblings to our heavenly Father, for he cares for us deeply.
*For more background information on my lifelong battle with a healthy lifestyle, read here.
- My internet went out from 8:00 in the evening until I went to bed.
- Jason called to get Charter to fix my internet...without me asking him to (he gets major points for this).
- I ate lots of pistachios before dinner.
- I watched TV for about four hours.
- I had a relapse.
This morning I woke and felt how I suppose Peter felt in Matthew 14 when Jesus walks on water.
Matthew 14:28-33 says, "And Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.' He said, 'Come.' So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, 'Lord, save me.' Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?' And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'Truly you are the Son of God.'"
Last night as I sat on my couch digging into a pint of ice cream, I felt like a hypocrite. But as I went to bed a few hours later, I realized that this was bound to happen and God will definitely use my lack of self-control for His glory.
Here's what happened:
I've been waking up every morning and weighing myself. Yesterday, I weight myself and instead of being down another pound or so, I was up two pounds. I thought to myself, "That's okay, just keep on being healthy and it'll be fine." But really, I was kind of freaking out.
So throughout the day, I snacked more than I usually do on things like M&M's. Not a lot of M&M's, just a few here or there. Then, when I got home, I wanted a few pistachios; I ate the rest of the bag. Then, I made dinner. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Then, I wanted something sweet so I poured some strawberry Greek yogurt into a bowl and mixed in a teaspoon of Nutella. Then, I ate the rest of the Nutella that was in the jar (it wasn't much, but I literally cleaned it out). Then, I still wasn't satisfied, so I grabbed my emergency pint of TCBY frozen yogurt that I bought in case I wanted a TASTE of something sweet. I ate the whole thing. Then I had a pity party, watched more TV, got mad at Charter, and went to bed.
 |
| My really large stack of pistachio shells and my leftovers from Tuesday night. |
 |
| Nutella is a problem. |
 |
| Notice the negative calories at the top. |
Here's the difference between the dozens of times I've done this in the past and today: it's not a secret.
Luke 12:2-3 says, "Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops."
James 5:16 says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
These verses directly point to the fact that I must not hide my weakness, or my sin. I know it sounds extreme to say that by eating Nutella and ice cream in the same night, I'm sinning. But as I said, it's not about the food, it's about a lack of faith.
I know that I am not in the battle alone. So won't you pray with me and for me today?
How can I pray for you? None of us are in alone.
Today is also the National Day of Prayer.
Let us stand strong as the body of Christ and take our ramblings to our heavenly Father, for he cares for us deeply.
*For more background information on my lifelong battle with a healthy lifestyle, read here.
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