Forget-Me-Nots

Source

Wow, it's be a while since I've blogged to you...I apologize for my absence. The past few months haven't been too particularly busy, but I've just been focused on a lot of other things. So, I sincerely apologize for my lack up life update via blog - but it hasn't been too incredibly interesting. My hope is that over the next few weeks, the fruit of my blog silence will reveal itself through some new posts.

I've been trying to intentionally spend a lot of time reading God's Word. I started using Guthrie's One Year Chronological Reading Plan a few weeks ago. I've also started listening to a lot of sermons on podcast. I've randomly tried to unsuccessfully do this over the past few years, but I've focused on how to carve out time in each day to accomplish this. Why, you might ask? Well, I want to fill myself up with the Word so much that what I speak about, think about, dream about is God's Word. I literally am aiming to eat, sleep, and drink truth.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not there yet; I'm not even close. I still have to make myself listen to a podcast rather than turning on fun music at work. Then, I have to make myself pay attention. I have to make myself keep up with the reading plan...and I'm really not good at that. It's a lot easier to keep pressing snooze in the morning until I run out of time to read before work...and it's really easier to turn on the TV or just keep talking to Jason until I fall asleep instead of intentionally making time to read before bed. But, I'm working at it...and as always...God's Word has not returned void - but more on that later :)

Last week I was listening to a sermon by Matt Chandler that was preached the Sunday after the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary. The sermon as a whole was a great hour of truth, and as I expected, it was full of emotion due to the circumstances. I didn't listen to this sermon on purpose, it was just the next "unplayed" podcast on my iPhone, but as a drove to work on a sunny almost Spring day, I believe that God opened my eyes to something.

As I drove, I started thinking about many of the tragedies that I've heard about in my life - big and small. I thought about 9/11, Columbine, and Sandy Hook. I thought about friends who have lost a parent or sibling. I thought about struggles that I know are going on around me and hardships that friends, family, and acquaintances are enduring each day. I thought about the many times that I've told people I'd be praying for their circumstance, or the times that I've gathered with a church or group to pray for nationally recognized tragedies. I asked myself, have I really prayed? In many of these situations, the answer was yes, yes I did pray. But then I believe that God forced me to go a step further and think about those individuals now - am I still praying? I teared up a little, and I muttered a reluctant "no" aloud in my car.

At almost 24 years old, I finally came to realize that prayer is an act that must be sustained. The friend who has lost a parent or sibling still misses them every day. They need prayer. The family member who struggled with depression or an eating disorder is still fighting the temptation to turn back even five years later. They need prayer. The parents of those children who fell victim to a senseless tragedy in Newtown, CT still walk by their child's room each day and experience pain in the depth of their soul. They need prayer. Twelve years later, families who lost someone on September 11, 2001 will still have an empty seat at their dining room table. They need prayer. Just because the media coverage ends or the funeral is over does not mean that prayer for that circumstance should cease - in fact, it should increase.

In Novemeber/Decemeber 2012, Brook Hills did a series on prayer.
To listen to the podcasts from this series, click here.

Our sinful, human nature causes us to forget things that don't necessarily benefit or effect us directly. We're selfish, and that causes us to focus on ourselves rather than fix our eyes upon Jesus and cry out to Him on behalf of our brothers and sisters. I urge you to change that in your life. Let us be an outward focused people who intentionally continually pray for others' circumstances. Today, before you go to bed, I challenge you to make a list of people or situations you have prayed for in the last year or the last two years. Leave that list beside your bed, and pray for those people each night. Keep adding to it - your prayers will not return void.

I've blogged to you,
Now you can blogbacktome.

"so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
    it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
    and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

{Isaiah 55:11}

"The Lord is near to all who call on him,
    to all who call on him in truth."

{Psalm 145:18} 

Getting Things in Order

I started blogging consistently a little less than a year ago. My blogging journey started when I decided to participate in a week-long cleanse before I went wedding dress shopping. I blogged about the cleanse, my battle that I've always had with my weight vs. self-esteem, the changes that I've made in my diet and exercise over the years, and finally, my decision to bring a doctor into the mix.

Wedding dress shopping...post-cleanse.

After about 6 months of blogging about this topic (among others), I've had some difficulty writing this blog. I sit down to write, and I think about what's going on in my life. Things have settled down some for Jason and me as far as traveling and big life changes. I like writing about marriage and being a newlywed and the emotions/hurdles/joys that brings, but I don't want this to be a blog that is solely about that. When I think about my life, the constant struggle that I have is my weight and self-esteem. But yet, I haven't been able to bring myself to write about it since October. So, as of today, I'm going back to where this blog began and I'm going to give you an update.

As always, I don't write this just so people know what's going on with my life. I write this in hopes that someone who reads this might take comfort in identifying with me, find hope in the truth that we are all God's creation no matter our struggles, and maybe even take steps to identify the source of their frustration/worries/hardship.

Before I update you, if you haven't read about my journey to find answers, take a look at this blog post.

Right before Thanksgiving, I went back to my doctor to have some follow-up blood work done. After Thanksgiving, Jason accompanied me to the doctor to hear the results. When I was 16, I was diagnosed with insulin resistance and PCOS (to find out about what in the world that means, click here). After high school, I didn't really pursue any treatment for it, but I've always just aimed to eat a low carb/high protein diet and exercise. I knew that losing weight would be an uphill battle for me. In college, things were kind of up and down when it came to my weight and self-esteem (read more about my battle here). Then, post college, working a sedentary job, being on a budget, and falling victim to lots and lots of life changes has put me at the highest weight, most out of shape, and lowest self-esteem I've ever experienced.

My feelings x 100

Now, for the results. My doctor informed me that my insulin levels had spiked. They were definitely in the high range, but I'm not diabetic (yet). He said that my results were consistent with insulin resistance and PCOS. He put me on an appetite suppressant for 3-6 months, told me to follow the nutrition rules he gave me over the summer, and increase my exercise. After 6 months, he is planning on putting me on a medication that will help keep my insulin levels down.

Honestly, I was satisfied with those results. I'd been praying that I would get some sort of answer, but that nothing HORRIBLE would be wrong with me. This, was definitely a manageable result and all in all an answered prayer.

Month One: December went pretty well. Although we were crazy busy, I managed to lose about 5-6 pounds. I was down 8 pounds, but then Christmas happened. My doctor told me at my one month check-in that he was happy with how things were going. Me, being the crazy over-achiever that I am, didn't think I'd done enough though.

Month Two: January was weird. About a week into January, I went to another doctor who I've been seeing for about 5 years. She got onto me about my weight and challenged me to get back into running and aim for 150 minutes of medium-high intensity exercise a week. My month two check-in was yesterday, and my doctor wasn't super stoked about my results. I got about 1-2 pounds off, but we all know I can do a lot better. We talked about my goals and I clearly realized something: I've got to work harder.

Eating pretty healthy doesn't cut it right now. Exercising when I have time or when I feel like it is not enough. I've got to eat really good. I've got to get out and sweat. I can't make compromises or talk myself out of this thing. I can't settle. This is no longer just a physical desire to look better or be skinnier - this is a health issue and it's about time that I start acting like it.

Obviously, I have some ideas of what I'm going to do to work harder in mind. I completed day one of week two of the Couch to 5K running plan last night. Talk about humbling. I used to be able to run at least a mile and a half without having to walk...even if I hadn't run in a while. Now, after about a minute, everything hurts. But, I'm not going to let that stop me. I'm determined to accomplish this and not quit. I also want to do some sort of weight training 1-2 days a week in addition to my running plan. If you have ideas, let me know. I also am cutting back on my sugars. I usually just look at the carbs that I'm taking in, but I haven't ever paid enough attention to the amount of sugar that foods have. Time to start. My goal is to not eat any refined carb/sugar after lunch, and any carbs/sugars that I do eat need to be whole grain or natural (coming either from dairy or fruit).

Will someone people buy this in mural size for me?

Yesterday went well, but it's going to be an uphill battle. Fortunately, I have a great support system in Jason and I'm thankful for that. I'll keep my blog readers posted (haha, pun intended) on my progress along the way. Please be praying for discipline and grace for me through this.

Last, but certainly not least, I love hearing from people who read this. Whether it's encouragement, ideas, questions, or just a random comment, it really is all great. Community is so important and I want to know how I can be praying/encouraging you as well! 

I know this is long, so thanks for hanging in there and reading to the end :)

I've blogged to you...
Now you can blogbacktome

A Blog Makeover and Health & Fitness Update

Lots of changes going on 'round here. 

Notice the new color scheme, the new name, and the all new look to my blog.

I'm a person who likes consistency. I'm learning lately that Jessica Morales is kind of a popular name, at least as far as social media is concerned. I have not been able to secure an email address, Twitter handle, Facebook url, or even Blogspot name with Jessica Morales (or Jessica S. Morales, or any sort of similar variation).

But nonetheless, I'm back. And I'm rambling. Even though I've changed the name of the blog to Mrs. Blogbacktome, I probably should have gone a step further and called it, "Mrs. Blogbacktome: The Rambler". Too long. Too wordy. Oh well. Maybe married Jessica is less of a rambler. I guess we'll find out soon.

Jason's Twitter handle and blog page is called "blogbacktome", so I decided to use (not steal, use) his idea for a sort of spinoff because, well, my husband is clever.

Now, onto my health and fitness update:

So, Weight Watchers doesn't work for me. And I'm learning that unless I completely cut out all sorts of carbs (fruit and whole grains included), I cannot find my way back down into my former jeans. To be honest, that realization stinks. But, I am going back to the doctor next month, and I'm not going to leave until we're able to tackle some sort of solution. Until then, I'm tracking everything I eat using myfitnesspal.com. I still have the paperwork that my doctor gave me back in the Spring about how much of everything I should be eating each day, and I've put that into the online food tracker. If nothing else, I figure that I can show the doctor what I'm eating at what time of day and maybe we can go from there (to see more about the plan the doctor gave me to follow, read this old post).

Our cruise did absolutely nothing positive for my eating habits. I was ready to get back in the swing of things last week, and then I ended up living off of soup and popsicles because I received the lovely gift of a sinus infection. So this week I came out of the gate strong.

Jason had to work late last night, and I was meeting some girls for froyo after he got off work, so we ate separately. I love cooking for Jason, but he's quite picky so I was sure to take advantage of being able to cook whatever I wanted/needed last night. I defrosted some frozen tilapia fillets the night before, so I threw those onto a skillet with some of Emril's fish rub and Parmesan cheese. After sauteing those babies up, I threw them on a bed of romaine lettuce with feta cheese and balsamic vinegar. It hit the spot and didn't fill me up quite all the way. Honestly, it was perfect because I didn't feel guilty about my froyo run with the ladies later.

Right now I've got a pot roast in the crock pot with potatoes and carrots. I really do love cooking in the fall.

Looks like that about wraps up my makeover and update post.

I've blogged to you...
Now you can blogbacktome.