Some Random Thoughts Wrapped Up as a Flashback

So this morning I did something I never do...I check my Samford email. 

I have my Samford email forwarded to my current email address, so there's never any reason to log in to my Bulldog Mail. But today for some reason, I did. 

After clearing out all the junk, I realized that I still have a few saved folders for that email account. One of the folders is entitled, "Jason," so of course I wanted to see what I'd stored away there. Among some flirty "I miss you" emails from when Jason was traveling or I was home for a holiday, this is what I found:

Subject: Just a quick thought...

I got out of class early and am reading Romans in the food court waiting to leave for work. Thought I'd share. This reminded me of my life and how much I've changed and also us and how far we've come in our relationship. "I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification." Romans 6:19. Praise God for his grace in our lives! 

:) 

 

The email is dated December 9, 2010...not even three months after Jason and began dating. Even though we've admitted to each other later that by this point in our relationship, we probably knew we wanted to marry the other person, we still had not said anything about it, or said "I love you", or even really met each others family. We were a  beginning. 

Jason and I around the time I wrote that email -
I only hoped we'd be where we are today...together forever.

 It's so neat to be a newlywed and see how accurate the bible is in comparing the church to a bride and Christ to the bridegroom. Just as Jason and I were something new when this email was written, we don't have an ending. But each day with Jason, I never cease to love him more. I reflect on how as a new believer, I was so in awe of Christ, His love, His sovereignty in my life. 

 

But, unlike my marriage, my heart breaks a little bit when I think about how complacent my love for God can be as the calendar grows further and further away from June 9, 2009. This realization makes me want to strive to love God more and more and be captivated by who He is more and more each and every day.

My sisters and I about 4 months after I became a believer -
Incredibly thankful for the journey God's taken me on since then.

Just as this verse that I quoted to Jason almost two years ago says, it's a process of sanctification. I cannot grow to love God more and more each and every day by my own efforts...I need God's grace to accomplish that. Similarly, I cannot grow to love Jason more and more everyday without him playing an active role in our marriage and outwardly loving me back.

Praise God that He doesn't leave us alone in this world to fend for ourselves; if that were the case, I'd fail miserably at this whole life thing. Praise God that I am a new creation and my relationship with Christ does not have an ending. Praise God that forevermore I am a slave to righteousness, not by my own accord, but by the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. 

With all of that said...

I've blogged to you...

Now you can blogbacktome.

Perfect Imperfection

Lately I've noticed that God is really teaching me a lot. Abba and I have been having some real "teachable moments" as my mom calls them. I used to really shy away from sharing what the Lord is teaching me because I felt like maybe I'd be judged for having not already grasp that concept - but recently I've noticed that I get SUPER excited when something clicks in my soul. You know that feeling when you realize something and you KNOW without a doubt that it's God revealing something to you because you feel a burning excitement in the pit of your heart? That's what I'm talking about. I'm so thankful that I've been able to experience this on multiple occasions over the last few weeks.

I'm a pretty passionate person. Some might say that I'm extreme. Not extreme as in weird (although I'm probably quite weird), but extreme as in I'm always one extreme or the other. If I decide that I'm going to do something or be a part of something, there's absolutely no turning back; I'm on board and I don't do things halfway. On the other hand, if I don't really care about something or if I don't think an idea is good, it's very obvious and it makes it really hard to for me to ever compromise (something I'm working on, trust me).

One thing that I've been passionate about since I've been a believer is pouring into other women - or young women. I have to admit that I haven't done this as much as I've wanted to since I've graduated from college, but I love it. I was an RA for three years in college and being able to sit up at 4:00 in the morning and listen to one of my residents pour out their heart about something that's bothering them is honestly one of the most satisfying experiences of my life thus far. It wasn't self-satisfying - I didn't really do anything. Most of the time I'd listen to girls talk about how they just broke up with their boyfriend and how they were never speaking to him again, only to find out that they were back together with the same guy a week later. But I got to listen. I go to pray. I got to give advice when they asked for it. I got to give a little bit of a different perspective if they  needed it. I got to share life with those girls in a different way than anyone else on that hall for three years. The best part of it is that I know that God placed me there to glorify Him.

I say all of this to say that I try to use my blog as the same kind of platform that I used my job as an RA. Sometimes the things that I write are probably way TMI (too much information), so I do apologize for that. But I try to write about things that the Lord is teaching me, so please don't fault me for that :) And with that - here we go.

Last night I had an epiphany.

Yesterday my office gave Jason and me a wedding shower. It was beautiful in every way and we felt so loved and blessed by everyone. In addition to the wedding gifts we got at the shower, we also received a grill in the mail (that just sounds funny) yesterday as a wedding gift. I bought steaks to cook this week, so when Jason got the grill, I told him that we could save the steaks for when he got the grill put together. So the poor guy went to work.

A snapshot of the wedding shower that Martin gave us!

I walked into my apartment that had a dining room full of moving boxes (Jason's stuff) and wedding gifts from yesterday and the shower I had in Fort Walton a couple of weeks back. Then, I looked in the living room and Jason was surrounded by LOTS of small pieces that were somehow supposed to fit together to make a grill. I felt like the walls were going to cave in on me.

So I decided that I would make some chicken noodle soup with the leftover chicken from earlier this week - just in case the grill wasn't finished tonight. Then we realized that we had a charcoal grill but no charcoals. So my roommate and I went to Walmart to buy charcoals. Long story short, the grill is put together, but I cooked our steak on the stove last night.

As Jason was sitting on the couch, a little frustrated and a lot hungry, I was in the kitchen still working. I kept thinking to myself that I'd worked all day, then I came home and helped him, and now I'm the one who is still up cooking him dinner - after I'd already cooked soup - and I could barely walk through my apartment without having to step over stuff. I began to get frustrated as well.

When the stove-cooked steaks were finished, I put them on a plate with some corn on the cob that I'd also cooked and took Jason's plate into the living room to give to him. As I came around the corner, I saw him sitting there on the couch, working on a video project that he's been doing and I realized something: not only has he been working all day too, he's still working just like me. But even if he wasn't still working, it wouldn't matter. I love him. He's the best friend I'll ever have and I'd do anything for him.

After dinner I was working on putting together some shelves and I went into the kitchen to get something to drink. When I walked in, Jason was putting away the clean dishes from the dishwasher and washing the dirty dinner dishes.

Before he left last night I told him the realization that I'd come to and I just wanted him to know that God is really humbling me and teaching me to show him love by serving. Jason said that while he was doing the dishes, he'd come to the same conclusion. We both laughed about it because we realize that if we didn't have the Holy Spirit dwelling in us and teaching us how to love each other well, the night could have looked a lot different. We didn't let our frustration get the best of us - instead we just made a decision to serve. As imperfect as we are as people, the grace of God has made our love for each other perfect.

This whole night reminded me of a conversation that I had with a friend from my small group back in June. She's been married for almost two years, and Jason and I really respect she and her husband's marriage. She told me that one of the things she's learned is that in marriage, you should always feel like you're doing more work - and that should bring you joy. You should constantly be trying to out-serve the other person. God has called us to serve one another in marriage, and I am so excited that God has chosen to teach Jason and I what that looks like before we're even married!

Well, enough rambling for the day. I hope that you all have fa fabulous weekend - but there's one more thing I want to leave you with on this Friday:

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." - Ephesians 5:1-2